Hey mates,

I am really feeling confused with this girl. I sometimes have the impression she likes me, but I also have the impression my mind is playing tricks on me. I don't have anyone to ask, so I really need the advice and opinion of fellow dudes that know how to deal with these type of situations.

I will begin with a small summary about me: I am a 29 yo guy who has little experience in love. I used to be in a 3-year relationship, but that was already 4 years ago. I decided to devote myself to my career just after the breakup but I started dating again after a while. My problem is that I have not managed to connect with any of the girls I have met (or simply they were not attracted to me).

So, there's this girl I know from work. We met 3 years ago and have become quite close. She has a boyfriend but things haven't been going very well between them for a while. They are actually officially breaking up next month (he’s moving away).

Given her relationship status, I have never made a move on her (even more so because she is a colleague). I have always treated her as a platonic friend, listened to my problems and she to mine. She has actually been my wingman when we go to parties and events (girls are less defensive when I approach them). On her side, she is on the lookout for guys and asks for my opinion on potential suitors. She has been complaining for a while that she needs a new boyfriend and she’s always pointing out one or two guys she sees in the street. So, it's not like she sees me as a potential suitor and focuses on other guys.

It's only during the last year that we came to know each other better and have been hanging a lot together. It’s actually funny because everyone sees us together all the time and people think we are dating. We are similar in many aspects and I have to admit that, besides my ex, there hasn't been another person with whom I have had such a deep level of connection (we understand quite well each other’s needs and we complement each other quite nicely).

I sometimes have the impression that she likes me because of small little things:

*she touches me a lot
*she calls me at least twice per day even though we see each other at work quite often
*she sometimes drops little hints (for example, we live in a very multicultural city and we were discussing about our preferred nationalities. She then said she will probably end up with a “my nationality”, which was weird because I am the only person of my country she knows)

There are times when it is clear that I am in the friend-zone (and I am fine with that as I never intended to take things further), but there are times where I get the impression that she sees me as something more (she has several girlfriends, yet she only calls me).

Now, to be realistic, let’s talk about the shortcomings in our “relationship”:

I suspect I simply am a convenient friend that does the job of comforting her... for now... She needs as she has no one for emotional support and is searching for someone. She comes to me to be comforted when things don't work out of her. To her defence, she has always been there when I have been down or weak. Then again, I am the only male of her age in her social circle. She possibly hangs on to me until she meets someone else.

There are also some aspects of her personality that have been scaring me/turning me off:

*I have seen how she treated her future ex-bf. She always criticises him behind his back.Almost everyone knows she will dump him. In front of him, she pretends to be nice, in love and caring. The guy doesn’t suspect anything. She is not in love with him anymore for almost a year now and she never dared discuss with him. She’s just waiting for him to move out of the country (due to unemployment) to break up with him.
*She is quite vain and harsh with people who look average. I have taken her to a few parties and she always enjoys looking down on average-looking people (and makes fun of them) I am not a playboy myself, so I suspect she would think the same of me had it not been our "friends" status.
*Show me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are: all her gfs had been encouraging her to cheat on her bf. What kind of friends are they (they have been doing the same to their own bfs)? She could have cheated but hasn’t not, yet.She has a history of being in triangular love relationships with 2 guys.

So, taking all these things into account:

*I don't want to be the rebound guy once she breaks up
*I don't want to be a convenient friend that she will toss around once she gets a new boyfriend (most likely scenario)
*Even if we hook up together, I don't want to be the guy she will badmouth to others behind my back and pretend to be in love when in front of me.

So, is it my desperation (for being single for so long) that is playing tricks on me? Am I so desperate that I want to believe that she likes me? Is she simply playing tricks on me and uses me for emotional comfort?

I see all these red flags, yet I also realise I have not managed to connect so much with anyone these past few years. It is so nice being on the same wavelength as someone. I have met plenty (really plenty) of girls and there was zero chemistry. It makes me quite sad that the only person with whom it could potentially work has so many negative traits. I have the impression I have replied to my own question, but it would help a lot if someone objective could give me his/her opinion.

Thanks in advance everyone and really sorry for the long post…
Cheers!

Yes, those are definitely some serious red flags that I personally wouldn't overlook. And even if you do, she definitely sees you as a strictly platonic friend. Better to find someone else.

i will respectfully disagree with the other guy. i've been in similar situations before, never did anything about it, and REGRETED IT FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. getting out of the friend zone is easy if that's where you're beginning. you can justify "not going for it" by pointing out all these bad qualities, but in the end, it sounds like you like her and she likes you. i'm willing to bet she is aware that she doesn't have a connection with anyone the way she has with you. if you don't go for it, she will rebound with someone else, and you will feel like a chump. your whole situation is simpler than you think, and you know you've answered your own question. do it. break that rapport for a sec, say "hey you know what? i want to take you out on a REAL date (i like you)." what do you really have to lose? you want this girl, is there really any good reason to not go for it? yeah, any outsider can say "fuck it, move on, find another girl, plenty of fish... blablabla" but they're not you, and they don't know this girl or your life. you know what to do.
pull the fucking trigger. that's my two cents.

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I'm an Ultra-Dork Neurotic Creeper who vlogs about approaching hot girls in da club.

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Thanks to both of you for your replies.

I have been thinking about it and my intuition is telling me not to do it (and my intuition has never been wrong, believe me, it's like a sixth sense).

She does make a good friend but I am uncertain as to whether she makes a good gf. Besides the red flags I mentioned, there are also other little things that ticked me off.

For example:

*She refuses to take the pill and has obliged all her previous LTR bfs to use condoms (yeah, we even talk about that). To me, this is a total turnoff. I can't feel anything with a condom (tried them all) and I am grateful my ex was understanding enough to take the pill.
*She doesn't seem to be very touchy-feely. She kept complaining how her bf was sticking to her like a dog and trying to cuddle all the time. I understand she needs her space, especially after a hard day of work, but we used to cuddle and hold hands a lot with my ex. I won't even dare imagine how her sex-life is...

Ya know, these are small things but if you add them all up, they can make your life miserable.

Also, to be honest, whenever she calls me, it's to complain about something half of the time. I tried to push her away on multiple occasions, but she keeps coming back. It's like she's dependent on me.

So, I guess I will keep looking. I just wanted to confirm if other people have had similar experiences with gals.