I started seeing someone that I met through a mutual friend a few weeks ago. It was a "blind date" type of thing where we only sent each other pictures before meeting up and got to know each other through calling/texting. She was pretty talkative before we actually met. The minute I suggested we go out for drinks, she eagerly accepted but then dropped contact to an absolute minimum. Like, she's almost going out of her way to be short with me. If I send any text, she sends a one-word response if possible even though the response is nearly immediate in most cases. If I call, she'll say she didn't get it until the next day and all kinds of other shit. She initiates very rarely.

Anyway, we kept going out and the communication never improved. Despite that, we made out at the end of the first two dates and I fucked her really good at the end of the third date (she says she lost count of the number of orgasms I gave her) and spent the night at her place. When we woke up she said that I gave her the best Valentine's Day of her life (which is kind of sad considering it was just dinner and sex). I'm not a big fan of the "cut contact and keep her guessing" thing that some guys pull after having sex with a woman, so I sent her a brief text the next day and told her I had fun. Yet again, she gave me a shitty one-word response.

So what the fuck? I know I sound like a needy, bitchy girl because it looks like I'm whining over a simple lack of text messages, but there's clearly something going on here. I'm thinking she's either "fuckbuddy zoning" me, gaming me, or simply wants a free dinner/fuck. She's pretty hot and has a great personality so I'd like to pursue more than just fucking her if possible, but obviously I'm not about to stick around if she's just using me either. Anyone have any ideas what's going on? And please don't spam me with "go fuck 10 other women" or "hurr durr you have one-itis". That's not particularly useful.

Have you considered that perhaps this is just her texting style? Perhaps she read some BS in Cosmopolitan about doing this... actually it seems to be working

Joking aside, I've noticed girls do this a lot. On dates they're eager and communicative, but via their cell phones they appear cold and distant.

If you've already been balls deep, and didn't give her any buyers remorse (sounds like you didn't if she was so complimentary about her experience), then perhaps you just need to work on getting her more emotionally involved during your next meeting. Did she open up any after sex? and more importantly did you?

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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

You're not the first person to joke about the Cosmo thing, actually, haha. That's why I'm starting to wonder if that might be it. Google "how to not scare away a guy" and the first 1000 hits are "stop texting him... FOREVER".

We haven't talked since we had sex. I tried to make contact but she brushed me off pretty quickly as usual. That was only like 2 days ago, but still. You'd think she'd be clingy as hell after having sex, especially if it was good.

Assuming she was being honest, then the reason she's responding so slowly and laconically is because either:

she likes you and this is her way of defending herself, maintaining control of the situation.
or
you didn't connect enough emotionally with her. so her body is saying yes, but her emotions are saying no.

Do you know which one it is?

_________________
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

Her self esteem appears to be fairly low, so I can see how she might want to close up like you said. What do you mean by "emotionally connecting"? Are you referring to what people call "chemistry"? If so, there's plenty of that.

If it's insecurity on her part then I have two questions:

1. have you tried circumnavigating her insecurities by arousing her curiosity often. normally insecure chicks respond to statements like "I noticed something about you other people probably miss", or "I had a dream about you last night and noticed something about you". Shit like this keeps girls attention, but can be tiresome if you need to do it every time to establish a conversation...

2. why do you feel that an insecure girl is good in your life? they usually employ techniques that aim to have you crawling on your knees, so that they can feel secure... but usually they leave at this point as they kill their own attraction while dismantling you.


How about finding a girl who's nurturing and becomes your cheerleader in life.. doesn't that sound better? (if I could only take my own advice when they have a smokin' body hahah)

_________________
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

1. Interesting. I'll try that.

2. Trust me, if it were a perfect world then I wouldn't want her to be insecure. But she has other qualities that counteract that for me. Plus I think with my dick quite a lot, so there's that.

Thank you for your responses so far, by the way.

Dude you're not alone there. I find insecure girls are so good in bed, they put their asses higher in the air, moan more, suck more (gaddamn i had a ukranian girlfriend that wouldn't stop)... but, they want to reduce you down to size to control you. it's not cool once you start caring. I had a japanese girlfriend that stole my freakin diaries and was using the info against me for two weeks!

_________________
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

You said that they lose attraction if they successfully "reduce you down to their size", but what happens if they aren't successful?

Edit: I should also say that she isn't over-the-top insecure. You can just tell that she doesn't think she's half as hot as she really is. Or maybe I just have weird standards and she's nowhere near as hot as I think she is.

That's the problem, eventually the negative party wins.

Say a person wants to kill you, you're pretty much fucked, as there's only so long you can defend yourself. They have all the advantages. If a gal wants to cut you down to size, you can fend off her attacks for only so long before a few start to sneak through. It's playing with fire.

The insecure girls I've dated have had boyfriends before and after me, and in every case those guys got a shite deal. I'm a fighter, so I don't get as damaged as others, but I realised it was a fools paradise. Damage is damage, regardless of the quantity.

Right now I'm looking for a gal that blows wind into my sails, and I'll reciprocate. But I don't mind a few balls-deep sessions with insecure girls along the way. HA! I just have to remind myself that I'm not an impregnable fortress, and to proceed with caution with those insecure wild bedroom banshees!

_________________
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

Let's assume it's not insecurity at all. Do we assume she's simply playing games to maintain control, then?

Could be. But the problem here is that insecure girls do play games to maintain control

The one word texts, and the low frequency, and the lack of initiation could just be her way of protecting herself (or) getting her own way. No doubt this has worked on guys before, perhaps it's how she gets her Dad to do things for her, who knows.

If everything else is good, in person. Then my guess is that she's doing this to keep you interested in-between meetings. Hey... it's working!

_________________
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

dude my regular chick is exactly the same....

I've pulled her up on it and her response is that she is a focused person and so texting is a time wate for her...i now just keep weekly chit chat to a minimum, enough for her to know im still around that way we engage in more rewarding conversation when we do hook up.

hope this helps

I think this is becoming common amongst girls now. Even if they like you they are often reticent via text. The way I see it is that any power a girl can withhold, she WILL withhold. It's understandable, after all, we are these big freakin monsters who will put our cock in anything that shaves its legs.

_________________
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain

Grab your balls and slam them on the fucking table! Now that we're done with the spam advice, here's mine:

Like previously suggested and just as you thought, she probably got hold of some lame women's magazine advice on how to keep you.

You can Google the same advice and make counter approaches to it. If she thinks that women's magazine advice is working on you, she'll keep doing it.

For cases like yours, NC for 3 days at the minimum works for me. Girls act like obedient puppies after you fucked them real good and then give them the takeaway.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

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