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PostPosted: Tue Feb 11, 2014 9:32 pm 
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I'll keep this brief for the OP:
  • • I met this girl online about 2 months ago. We couldn't meet up until last month (so really only met face to face about 5 weeks ago)
  • • Been on 5 dates so far. On dates 4 and 5 we ended up having sex. Got another date in 2 days and more than likely we're gonna go back to mine again. Sounds great so far? Yes. Here's my problem:

    She doesn't seem to want a relationship. I bought up that I don't like just sleeping around, I like for things to potentially go somewhere, eventually, with whoever I date. she replied: "That's unusual for someone your age?"
  • • We spoke about relationships (I know my bad..shouldn't have drunk that much) and she said she doesn't want one because she "likes being free". First night we slept together I can't remember how we got on to this topic - again I blame drink - but she replied to something I must've said "haha I'm not going to be your girlfriend" and I was like "I'm not asking you to be! We've just met! For me it's pointless seeing someone if there is no possibility that they ever want a relationship, it's just a waste of time otherwise. I just don't want to waste your time or mine. "
  • • She only wants to see me once a week, no more. She says she "likes being alone". I'm always initiating texts but recently I left it 2 days without texting her because I didn't wanna seem clingy/needy (I probably am) and explained that I don't wanna over-text her... and she actually text me after 2 days of me not texting her saying "this is me wanting to text you".
I really need brutal honesty here guys. I want a relationship EVENTUALLY. Right now I'm happy just getting to know each other. But I don't wanna carry on if there is 100% no possibility of it happening in future. Does it sound like she will ever want one? Or am I wasting my time here and setting myself up to get hurt?

I'll add more info in my replies - didn't want to make this too long :) I really appreciate the help in advance.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 11, 2014 11:24 pm 
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so?

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:44 am 
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Your setting yourself up to get hurt bro.

She young, she doesn't want to settle down. And it probably wont be you because the timing is off. If you had met 5 years later when her friends are getting married then maybe you had a chance for a long term relationship.

Start looking for another girl, the right one for you that wants a relationship. Enjoy what you have with this girl. The nice thing about the girl your current seeing, is that she's honest. It sucks right now that she's telling you what you don't want to hear.

You wanted a straight answer...there it is.

One cautionary note- there is another side to this....lay ground work for you breaking up with her and getting another girl. Maybe somewhere down the road, say 3 to 5 years you might hook up again. Maintain contact with her on a friend level and see where it goes after break up and try to find her when she wants to settle down.

Also you could break up with her now in the hopes she comes running back to you to strengthen the relationship, but I highly, highly doubt that will work in your situation.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 12, 2014 10:32 pm 
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Thank you Cool Hand Luke, for your honesty and straight-forwardness. Yeah Between me writing this topic last night and now things spilled (I was tired and she pushed as I was being weird and I guess a little moody - all bad I know!)

The jist of it is that she said (after she got me to admit something was up and that I was confused about everything) :

Her: "you have to be patient with me"

I said along lines of: "I just felt you were giving me an ultimatum" She replied that she felt I was doing that to her (which I can kinda see).

Then I replied: "Happy to be patient! Just didn't wanna know that I would never be 'good enough' for you"

She went: "Would never think you're not 'good enough' for me...cos your like awesome. Right? your totally awesome & i'm happy when with you" and then finally "Let's not talk about it and just have fun ok?"

I agreed and we moved on with some flirts blah blah and I must say I feel a lot better by just accepting that I shouldn't expect anything and just try to take it for what it is.

I doubt I'll see her in 3 - 5 years as she's here on an ancestral visa and I'm guessing if we don't end up "becoming something" she'll just move back home - which is probably the reason (sub-consciously) for my clingyness - thinking too far ahead and worrying about her leaving... but to be honest I've been thinking - I put her on this pedestal and I don't even know her! We've been out 5 times and I'm already thinking she's like this amazing person. How would I know that in such a short time?? I gotta chill out and keep my options open and get back to online dating and just let whatever happen with this happen.

Hoping that sounds as right as I think it does? :)


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