Hey guys,

Your site is a real eye-opener for a woman - in a good way! I'm kinda addicted to reading collection-of-pua-openers-and-add-yours-vt8124-600.html (they're mostly awesome/hilarious, very occasionally hilariously awful) and, from checking out various threads, I'm really impressed by how quickly and strongly you pull up anyone who's showing harmful intentions.

Therefore .. I reckon you're the right guys to help this damsel in distress

I'm fed-up of female friends dragging me to the corner of a bar/pub etc to complain about how there aren't any good guys (or how the guys in their life are giving them mixed signals) .. all the while making it impossible for new guys to approach us! However, whenever I've spotted guys to talk to .. they're in a big group, all laughing, shouting and talking, and hey .. you guys are all a foot taller, twice my size and three times as loud .. it's intimidating!

I'm attending an Anti-Valentine's party at a pub on Friday, and want to challenge myself to talk to lots of new people - girls AND boys - to do some match-making (or, at least get people talking!) No intention to get numbers myself, I just want folks to have a better time. So, I have a few questions - feel free to answer some, none or all!

1) How would you feel if an attractive woman interrupted your group, and does it all depend on her level of hotness?

2) Would this sort of thing work? (adapted from collection-of-pua-openers-and-add-yours-vt8124-780.html )

"Hey guys .. are you gents friendly or mean? 'Cause if you're friendly, I'll invite you to join me and my friends, but if you're mean... *Disney-levels of sadface-ness*"

If not, what's the better way of doing it? Would 'funny or boring' be more of a hook?

3) What assumptions would you make about the woman making the opening?

4) Should I just make it easier for AFCs to work up the courage to come over (playful looks etc), rather than potentially emasculating them by doing the approaching?

5) Finally .. any tips on approaching shy/introverted guys? As a fellow introvert, they're the kind of guy I'm personally seeking, but I don't want to frazzle their mental motherboards!

Thanks!

No clue if this is for real or if it's a troll - but if it is - welcome female poster, and I'll bite...

I'll preface all of this by saying that initially, and at pubs and bars, attractiveness plays a big role. Is it everything? No -- but guys are WAY more likely to engage you if you're attractive and take care of yourself.

Good luck

1) From my experience, if your hot and approached guys who know what they are doing, you'll probably get negged a lot but it will develop into a fun conversation. If you approach guys who don't know what they are doing, they start competing for you attention like school boys by trying to be the loudest, funniest ect ect. and you'll probably realise how pathetic they are being.

2) I wouldn't ask them right away to join your friends. Maybe a few of you's go over. IMO, girls will be much better suited to approaching in groups.

3) None, really. If she is fun and happy and is friendly, ill probably feel nothing but positive emotions towards her.

4) AFC's will probably just perv on you/come over and try and stick their tongue down your throat if you look at them playfully.

5) If you approach an introvert, you'll probably not get much back as he is an introvert.

Hey, CharlesFinley! *passes you a mojito*

Nope, not a troll - a genuine woman asking genuine questions Thanks for your answers, really good to get male input.

1) Yeah, I'd put myself in the 'attractive' rather than 'hot' category (it's too down to personal preferences, eye of the beholder, yadda yadda, despite feedback indicating the H-word), but I can hold my own in a group (was playing Movie Titles with half a carriage full of guys on a late train recently!)

2) I can't comment on the appearance aspect, but quick-come-backs are in the bag. I suspect cleavage may be over-kill; I want them to meet my friends [points to actual human beings] rather than my 'friends' [points down blouse]

3) *fist-bumps you*

4) See #3

5) I'll keep on doin' what I'm doin' then; woot

Thankya!

Hey, Cain0

The second half of your answer to #1 made me laugh! Happened to me twice in the last week! The 'being neg'd' bit - if it's playful - just gives me more material to play back with

2) That's a good point. Unfortunately my friends are pretty shy and don't want to talk to someone unless they know they want to talk to him - it's a fear of being 'stuck' with a boring guy all night (amongst other things). I might see if I can add some new female friends to the mix on Friday, see if they're more up for making approaches, and give them 'safe-moves' (like safe-words, lol) if they get stuck, so I can rescue 'em.

3) Fun, happy, friendly? *high-five* I can do that shit!

4) .. and this is why most women have their guard up *shudders*

5) Awww .. still gonna try, though. Introverts need love, too!

Thanks!

One thing Kitten... In a bar/club setting use proximity. That is get physically close to the target.

If they're seated at the bar, go and order a drink right next to them and start talking with them while waiting for the drink to be served.

If there at a table go up to the group and ask have they seen the server and make eye contract with the extrovert.

If your looking for introverts when you approach the group make a comment about your target being the shy one of the group and the other guy being the strong one, etc...he should get the hint. Then like most girls you can casually say you always like the shy ones, look him in the eye and smile. Make your intention know. As you know introverts are detailed oriented and want to make the right moves. This opens the path for him.

Always make your openers tailor made to the type of girl (or in this case guy) your trying to pick up.

If you prefer playful "how comes your momma dresses you so funny", etc

Hey, Cool Hand Luke

Thanks for your input! I was aware of the need for proximity, and had thought about approaching someone at the bar (as it's side-on so seems more natural), so it's great to have those ideas endorsed. I'm pretty good at striking up conversations naturally, it's approaching groups that feels daunting.

Your observation about introverts being detail-orientated is a brilliant one, and one I'm going to give further thought to

Thanks for all the tips, guys; experiencing the boot on the other foot has helped me to appreciate how difficult it may be to break the ice when you're a guy, so I have renewed respect

1) Initial venue (anti-Valentine's party) - too loud and not enough space to mingle
2) Second venue (a cocktail bar) - deadly quiet and full of couples
3) Third venue - hit it off with two AFCs the minute my friend and I walk in, and learnt that I can do a version of C+F pretty easily, and engage someone to talk about 'deep' stuff quickly, but there are gaping holes when it comes to answering 'boring' questions (the 'what do you do' type stuff). Great experience to learn from, though.

Conclusion? For me personally, venue is key (as I can't talk loudly for long). I want to develop a faster transition out of C+F, establish how I want to talk about the areas in my life which I don't want to talk about immediately, and how to politely excuse myself from a conversation, too.

Practise, practise, practise!

I would never shoot down a woman for having the guts to approach.

You definitely improve your chances if you approach with your group of girls though. It's called "The Cheerleader Effect": http://www.scientificamerican.com/artic ... er-effect/

A similar point to proximity - the openness of the set as judged by body language of its members is important too. Regardless of how many people are in a set, the positioning of the members of the set can contribute to the difficulty of opening. For example, a two set sitting at the bar facing the bartender can be a more difficult set to open - and open gracefully without lowering your value too much. A girl I went on a date with actually told me her friends complained they couldn't meet guys and she observed they sat that way in the bar. Her advice was to sit facing the crowd and not the bartender, as if to convey a very openness to being approached. I thought that was pretty good advice.

So don't all huddle together with your backs to everyone or people will be less likely to approach. As a PUA, my wing and I will try to find a way to approach even hard sets but I can see how most AFCs would be discouraged.

As for keeping the conversation going and being fun and playful, that's good. I wouldn't stress about this as much as I would stress it for guys. If you are attractive and can keep the conversation that should be fine. I mean if you are interesting that would obviously increase the fun everyone was having, but not really necessary to number close the dude. I guess it depends on what your real goals are. If you are interested in the guy don't be shy about some light kino -an occasional hand on the arm can go a long way.