So a while back I met this girl on Okc and we dated for 3-4 months and sorta' loved eacho other. Eventually I called her up (after a lot of bad relationship incidents I caused) and told her I didn't want to see her for a bit, take time off and heal so we can just be friends. She was silent, hurt, "You know you'll never hear from me after this. I have to go." Me: "ok, I understand" I felt she'd cheat, like I couldn't trust her -- a gut instinct (I'm looking for a LTR). And also we had issues in the bedroom..

Needless to say, I cut communication for 2-3 months and tried to get my head straight. I'm doing ok but I still think about her everyday, almost. Which aggravates me cause I'm suppose to be healing. It's a big fear of mine that she'll date other guys and etc...

Something that may hv gotten her attention was i posted on Fb saying my ancestors may hv been the sane nationality as her. Today she liked my FB status I put up about people being brainwashed by football. After no contact for months! She also put up, "I'm not just existing anymore, I'm now living life as it was meant to be lived."

What does this mean? I'm thinking she's found someone and she's happy. (Keep in mind, my mind plays tricks on me a lot and can become paranoid.) I'm guessing she healed a while ago. Also should I now like one of her status' on FB in order to bring back communication? What do all of these things mean???

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"I'm not just existing anymore, I'm now living life as it was meant to be lived." This simply means she wants you to know that she is doing well after all you have done. As if, she is better off without you. Deep inside she has not move on. Coz if she does, should would have ignored your post on FB and move on with her life treating you as her past that should not be looked into.

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No, don't do the whole "like" thing. You both have had enough time apart by now - why not just make contact with her, see how she's been, then see if she wants to meet up?

Thanks guys. Very helpful!
My mind is playing tricks on me though, like I'm imagining her with another guy, happy, and it's messing me up. Making me feel like he's doing a better job then me - she likes him more, etc. Thoughts like these are running through my head.

1) How can I gain mental/emotional strength and not be effected by this.
2) What should I open with and say in order to meet up.

_________________
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1) You need to adopt the mindset that you will be unaffected by outcomes. Have a "live for today" mentality. What's the worst that can happen anyway? "Oh no, she's seeing someone else now! That means I've lost...absolutely nothing."

2) That's all on you. We can't tell you what to say because it'll sound unnatural unless it comes directly from you (and coincidentally, that's the downfall of so many people on this forum). But for the sake of giving you a rough idea, here's what I'd do:
Call her on the phone. Ask how she's been and let the conversation develop into small talk for a few minutes. Make her laugh and tease her a little (don't try this unless you know you're funny, and never force it of course). After a short while (5-10 minutes max), tell her that the two of you should grab a few drinks and catch up. Give her the exact day, time, and place to meet. If she's busy that day, have a backup day in mind. If she happens to be busy both days, back off. Regardless of her answer, keep the conversation going as normal for a few more minutes then tell her you need to go. Best case scenario: you're back in action. Worst case scenario: you've planted the seed.

That really helped Snarg, you explained exactly what I wanted to know - perfectly!
So after having not contacted her for 2-3 months I can just call and say, "Hey I thought I'd give you a call and see how your doing."? That works as an ice breaker? She'll most likely say "I'm Fine".

The coincidental part you mentioned is true in my case. I have a tendency to revert to a negative mindset and say things/speak in a convo from a DLV mentality. How can I fix that?

I'm definitely going to adopt the mindset that I'm uneffected and have nothing to lose. You got no idea how helpful that was. Can you go deeper on that, I felt a lot better by it. I've also adopted the mindset that I should care at all.

_________________
"Be the flame, not the moth." - Casanova

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Yeah, just call her and see how she's been. Don't worry, unless she absolutely dislikes you she's going to say more than just "I'm fine". Just be sure that you keep your goal (scheduling the meetup) in mind and that you don't drag the conversation into a 45 minute girl talk session.

I'm not sure what exactly you mean by speaking from a DLV mindset. Can you give any examples?

As for elaboration on the "live for today" mentality: as corny as it sounds, I like to think about what regrets I'd have if I die tomorrow. If I die tomorrow, who cares that I got turned down by some girl? That's such a small obstacle compared to my own death, after all. Why not try to obtain gratification and take what I want while I'm still around? Now, that's obviously a dramatic example since in all likelihood neither of us are going to croak any time soon. But think about it on a macro level - life really is short, so why waste it hiding in fear? Get out there, enjoy life, and make it enjoyable for others too. Although you might not see it right now, you have absolutely nothing to lose.

Whenever you start thinking about her, bring the focus back to yourself and what's going on for you internally. Try some mindfulness meditations.

Got it. As for saying things from a DLV mindset, I can give you a few examples. I hv low self esteem so I view my self as being insignificant. I have TONS of potential I'm funny and smart and creative. Yet I never demonstrate any if those things with a girl cause I'm afraid.

I don't really know how to make a girl interested in me or demonstrate attraction. I'm not talkative. I also have no stories to tell to a girl about myself. Let me go further, my actions and the things I say are not attractive. I'm rapport seeking or come across a jerk. I'm depressed a lot and have anxiety and feel drained emotionally and mentally so it takes A LOT out of my personality. Girl want a guy thats confident, upbeat, funny - and I can't be any of those things from anxiety, depression, sadness & low self-worth.

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P.S. Not trying to give you more then you can handle but that's all. Plus, I don't know where I'd take the convo from there, I'd just ask question after question but I feel I can be a bit more challenging then that.

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Honestly, with all of that said, it sounds like you should probably take a step back from all of this and work on yourself first. Make some friends and go out with them and have fun for awhile so that you can naturally come out of your shell. Go to the gym, get a new haircut, change your facial hair style, buy skin care products, get some new clothes to go out in, and start reading more books. Make yourself feel like you're really growing in every way and you'll be amazed at how much better your life will become.

I'll definitely do that!! Thanks. Having said all that, how should I act around her? To just be cool and relax

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You answered it yourself - be cool and relaxed. There's no pressure. Look at is as an opportunity to have fun for a little bit.

I just got off the phone with her: I said hey how are you, I thought I'd call you and see how your doing. We talked a bit, I wasn't really that funny my jokes ended up pffendibg her cause I told her if we hang out she has to get her own ride.

She said she taught she'd never hear from me again like I was just another guy. I said all guys are the same, but I'm just pink. After 3-4 mins I said I'll be in town (which was too soon, I think I acted needy) then she said its the day before V-day, I sort of have plans. I said that's cool, maybe another time. Changed the subject. She's like I seen all your FB videos and posts about how your enjoying life and rehearsing, etc.

At one point where things went wrong I said, Im getting married (ppl in my culture marry early) she became silent and I told her I'm just kidding, she's like "Ya I just thought well he moved on fast.."

I then said, your welcome to join me if I'm in town and if I'm free. She took that the wrong way, (Slightly) and was like ya if your free.. and if your in town... I then joked a bit joe and said, I'd like to see you, if you like your welcome to join me... She said ok (Sincerly) I then said I had to go and she said the same, and acted like she was in a rush.

I think I did bad, I did say some good things but I wasn't my funny self and upbeat I was not warmed up and too serious. But she did seem interested. I don't want to paint you guys the wrong picture, and say I did bad when I really did ok. I'm hard on myself. It's like she gave me a window of opportunity and I didn't do as good. I feel like I failed and I feel hurt.

_________________
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Obviously I can't make such a sweeping judgment without knowing how you are when you're not talking to a girl, but it looks like your social intelligence could use a bit of work. A lot of your "jokes" tell me that you don't always think before you speak and you let yourself get too caught up in the moment and that's when things go all wrong. Calm down and focus on the matter at hand rather than trying to think of something witty. Wit and humor should flow naturally or not at all. If it's forced, it will ALWAYS turn out poorly.

Regardless, she appears to have interest (or...had interest), but there would have been nothing wrong with being a lot more forward and letting her know that you want to meet up with her. No need to try to sound incredibly busy and like you're making time for her or anything like that. Just suggest a day/time/place like I said before and then meet up with her. Things are way easier in person than on the phone or through texting anyway.