| Firstly, I apologise for the long post.
Basically, I'm at a complete loss with this girl. Allow me to give you the history.
I met a HB7 at a nightclub in the summer of 2011. She was out with a mutual friend (male, but they weren't together). She seemed nice but I wasn't attracted to her. She's a couple of years older than I am, and to be honest, I usually like to aim for someone a little younger. I friended her on Facebook (as was the done thing) but we didn't really stay in contact.
In December of that year, completely out of the blue, she messaged me asking if I would go to our mutual friend's Christmas party as her 'plus one'. I'm not sure why she asked me when she barely knew me, but I was probably the only one of her 'friends' who had no other plans that day.
We met up at the party (a low-key affair at his house) and it occurred to me that she was actually more attractive than I remembered. We joked and negged each other but she seemed quite shy as she didn't know many people there. I knew everyone there and made an effort to be sociable but she stayed in the corner by the drinks table, only occasionally talking to people when they went to get a drink. She would gesture to me to come over to her but instead I gestured to her to come to me and join the group. She came over several times, each time bringing me a different drink of her own concoction, but she would then go back to her corner.
Eventually I relented and joined her in the corner where we chatted for an hour of more. Throughout the conversation she would lean into me and kiss me. At this stage I still wasn't that 'into' her so I didn't escalate. At the end of the night she retired to the spare room. Our mutual friend intimated that I should join her but I just wasn't feeling it. However, when the night drew to a close the only couch was occupied so I had no choice but to try my luck in the spare room. I tentatively asked the HB7 if I could share the bed and she agreed. I was barely under the covers before she was all over me. We were both very drunk and in no state to have sex, so we accomplished little more than a drunken fumble in the dark before I passed out.
The next morning I walked her to the bus stop. She thanked me for not taking advantage of her. I can't remember what I said to her before I left. I had only had about 3 hours sleep, it was freezing cold and I had the worst hangover anyone has ever had so I just wanted to get home.
Over the next couple of weeks I couldn't get her out of my head. My birthday was approaching and I decided to throw a party and invite her. She said she would try to make it but couldn't make any promises. She didn't come. I was a little disappointed but wasn't going to let it bother me. Unfortunately our mutual friend drunkenly decided to text her to say how disappointed I was as 'I thought we had a connection', (his words, not mine). I was mortified. A couple of days later she messaged me to say she was sorry she couldn't make it, and that she had a boyfriend. Oh well. Move on.
Her boyfriend became her fiance and over the next 18 months I saw her only once at another party. I was happy for her. However, in September 2013 she started messaging me on Facebook; just random shit she'd learned about me from my Facebook page, like stuff we had in common, for example. I then learned through one of her girlfriends that she had split from her fiance. The guy turned out to be cunt. So she was back on the market, but it was too soon after her split for me to make a move.
I waited until the first week of January this year. I messaged her, suggesting we meet for drinks at a club and she agreed. The club was much too loud to have a conversation so we moved to a quieter one where we sat talking for hours. Occasionally I would ignore her to talk to some other random in the club and she would tug at my jacket and say "Talk to me. Why won't you talk to me?" and give me a sulking, puppy-eyed look. She was really into me and by the end of the night we were kissing a lot. Sometimes though, she would pull back. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was afraid. "Afraid of what?" "I'm afraid of caring about you". I assured her that I was big boy and she didn't need to be afraid.
When chucking out time came, we got a taxi back to her place. It was a bit of a dive with only a tiny single bed. There was hardly enough room for both of us. Like the first time, we were both really drunk and only managed another drunken fumble under the covers whilst spooning. She would take hold of my hand and move it to where she wanted the attention - breasts, bum and crotch. After about ten minutes she said "This is a mistake." "Why?" "Because I don't want to get pregnant!". Ever the pessimist I hadn't come prepared so sex was off. We fell asleep.
The next morning we talked briefly (mostly about breakfast as we were both starving) and I walked home. She asked me to message her to let her know that I got home safely. Instead I waited for her to message me and replied with a little sarcasm. Over the next week we talked a lot on Facebook but didn't meet up as she had a chest infection but we would meet when she was feeling better.
The following Wednesday, once I knew she had recovered I asked if she was busy Friday night and she replied that she would be visiting a friend. Friday night came and she messaged me to ask how my evening was going. I lied and said I had just got home from work. She said her friend had bailed on her so I suggested we meet up at a club and she agreed.
Around 10pm we met at the club but she seemed different. We spent 5 hours dancing, drinking, joking and generally trying to communicate as best we could over the noise. I tried to get close to her but she would push me away. Then she would grab me and drag me to the dance floor. Just when I thought she was loosening up she would push me away again. It was obvious to her that I was getting a little confused. I had been buying her drinks all night but she waited until now to tell me she was uncomfortable with other people buying her drinks as she felt that she was expected to give something back in return. In a sense, she felt like a prostitute and actually said to me "I'm not having sex with you. Friday night was a one off". I nearly lost it and told her "Is that what you think of me? Is that all you think I'm after?" I explained to her that I wasn't interested in a one night stand and that we should just enjoy each other's company and have a good time.
Eventually the club closed and we moved to another. We were still in good spirits as we walked across town and she held my arm the whole way. We found a club that was open, but would shortly be closing so only managed to get one drink in. I bumped into a bunch of my friends there and she disappeared while I talked to them. I thought she had left but I found her talking to another guy. We were only there for about 30 minutes before it closed. As we went outside she looked at her feet and solemnly said "I'm a horrible person. I want to do a horrible thing." I asked what. After a long pause she said "I'm going home" and walked off. As she passed the guy she had been talking to in the club she grabbed his arm and they went home together. I felt like shit as I walked home alone.
The following day I so badly wanted to call her and tell her it was a shitty thing she did but I resisted. I haven't tried to contact her since. A couple of days later I noticed that we had both RSVP'd to a birthday party of another mutual friend (one of HB7's girlfriends). I contacted the birthday girl to advise her that I would be coming but might not stay if HB7 was there. She asked if something had gone on between us and I gave her the abridged version. She suggested that HB7 may not be ready for a relationship and cared about me too much which is why she just wanted to have meaningless sex with a stranger that night. I don't know what to think.
So this Saturday is the party. HB7 may be there but I think she probably won't, but I want to be prepared for if she is. I can either ignore her (a bit petty), tell her exactly what I think, or act like nothing happened. The thing is, I still want her and I'm not convinced she's completely given up on me. Maybe, just maybe she really does have feelings for me but doesn't want a relationship so soon after her split from her fiance, in which case that's fine, but I'd just like to know.
So here I am, asking for advice. Should I give up or would I be giving up on a chance for happiness? The whole 'going home with another guy' thing is pretty damning but is there a chance it's just a smoke screen? How do I react if I see her on Saturday? I don't want to push her away if she still cares about me, but equally, I don't want to appear a push-over who will come running back to her whenever she does something wrong. I'm sure reading this you guys will think I'm an idiot and should just walk away, especially in light of what she did the last time we went out but I can't shake the feeling that there's a chance for a relationship.
Anyway, thanks for reading this far. I'm sorry if I rambled on a bit, but any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.
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CHAT
