Shy vs. Introvert vs. Extrovert vs. Obnoxious (chart)



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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:38 am 
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This is a pretty accurate representation of the differences between shy, introverted, extroverted, and obnoxious.

Many introverts mistake extroversion for obnoxiousness.

On the other hand, many people - PUAs especially - mistake shyness for introversion.

In truth, it is entirely possible to be a SHY EXTROVERT or even an OBNOXIOUS INTROVERT.

The shy extrovert who stumbles upon the PUA community end up doing really great. This is because pickup material generally encourages extroverted behavior and to overcome shyness.

Introverts, on the other hand, find themselves struggling with most of the PUA material out there because extroversion is not a natural part of who they are!

The PUA community definitely needs more dialogue on how it can serve the needs of introverts, too. Too many community guys shun introversion because they mistake it for shyness. It's not the same thing, people.

Are you an introvert? You need a resource to learn from that lets you use introversion to your advantage instead of trying to force yourself to become something you're not. Play to your strengths! Check out my Seductive Introvert program at http://seductiveintrovert.com


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:08 am 
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The obnoxious category reminded me of the guy who introduced me to PUA.

This is the kind of person who will talk and talk at everyone, then say "okay, I've been talking far too much, someone else say something". Then when everyone looks around awkwardly at being put on the spot, he will then keep talking for another half an hour, safe in the knowledge that he has "given others a chance".

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 8:48 am 
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I don't think things are that black and white, especially some characteristics of introvert/extrovert can overlap i believe.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:14 am 
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I don't think things are that black and white, especially some characteristics of introvert/extrovert can overlap i believe.
Things are never black and white, and in this case it's because no one is 100% introverted or extroverted. Everyone is some mix of both, but most people lean more toward one or the other.

Ambiverts are exactly in the middle; they are an equal mix (approx.) of introvert and extrovert, but they're fairly rare.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 1:38 am 
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Introvert is not who you are. It is caused by the beliefs that you currently hold to be true.

Read up on NLP. You can change your beliefs in a number of ways, and therefore change yourself into an extrovert if you were an introvert before.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 4:58 am 
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Introvert is not who you are. It is caused by the beliefs that you currently hold to be true.

Read up on NLP. You can change your beliefs in a number of ways, and therefore change yourself into an extrovert if you were an introvert before.
You're completely wrong about that.

Introversion and extroversion are basically aspects of your personality that determine how you get and expend energy.

A huge problem in the pickup community is that introversion is largely misunderstood and demonized, popularized by the notion that you need to be extroverted to be an attractive and seductive PUA. This simply isn't true. You can play to you natural strengths, and introversion can be a strength instead of a weakness as most people believe.

Introversion is most certainly NOT a result of the beliefs you hold. Again, it's about energy flow. I've also done more than my fair share of learning and practicing NLP.

I've spent a decade in the pickup community trying to force myself to be an extrovert and I've successfully emulated all of the extroversion any other PUA can express, but in the end I learned it's a lot better to accept who I am and cater my pickup strategies to me natural introversion. Yes, it's very possible. And it makes pickup a hell of a lot easier for me and other introverts.

Quit propagating the "extroversion > introversion" myth!


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 06, 2014 10:04 pm 
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Thanks for the chart! I like it and it shows in a fun way the differences in type.

I am an introvert. But i am not shy. If i tell my friends that I am introvert, they wouldn't believe me. At parties I am a social butterfly and i talk to many people and make friends instantly. But this has nothing to do with being introvert. Introvert can be social. And be PUA :)

I am an introvert
Introvert means for me that I think alot. Before I say or do anything, I already thought about it many times. I am definitely not the person that says what he thinks. I think before I say. Although this might be a good quality in some cultures, in Europe they prefer extravert people. They like people who shout a lot :) , while I am definitely not that type. I made the common mistake of trying to be extravert, which of course didn't work out. Now, after many years, I found out for myself that two characteristisch of being introvert, are also the key of being succesful in life: (1) strong analytical skills/thinking; (2) preparation.

Introvert and PUA
It may look like that if you are not extravert, you can not be a PUA. Because how would you game a girl, if you are not able to have a conversation with a girl? I believe this is incorrect, and that shyness and Introvert are mixed up.

As an introvert, I need time to absorb and digest all the impressions of the day. Which means I cannot go to 4 parties in a day, since my energylevel will be low after the first one. Therefore I go to one party, and go nuts! I have prepared, and know how to open, show DHV, all the phases. I started out with canned material and now i have my natural game. Because I think a lot (sometimes too much), by every shit-test/resistance a girl gives me, i keep on thinking that it is just a game. My analytical skills help me see every single detail in every situations. I can remember the smallest detail a girl told me the previous time i met her, or the pattern on her dress. If you mention this the next time you see the girl....well, extra credits!!!

After a busy day (for an introvert it could be just an ordinary night out), I go for a walk by myself. During this walk, i unconsciously re-think my game of last night (my way of digesting all the impressions i received that night) I see what went wrong or what went well. This improves my game.

I am not saying that extraverts do not have analytical skills, but for an introvert its the key to its success.!

Introvert in normal life
In my normal life, I am a lawyer. I have been told that i should spend more effort on 'profiling' at office: show everyone that you are the best, shout during meetings, etc. The problem is that during meetings, when i digested the new info and had an opinion, the meeting is already finished. While as an introvert and the analytical skills, I could have very well-thought views on projects and see the smallest details (which are not seen by all the others) and shared this with everyone, but i needed time to absorb and produce my thoughts. Preparation is our key to succes! Before a meeting, think of the subject and what your thoughts are. Write it down, practise and talk slowly. You will notice, that aftera while people do see you as a valuable collegue, instead of a wallflower.

Conclusion
Indeed, it looks like that the PUA is written for extraverts. But Introverts have their own talents. Don't try to be an extravert, be yourself and focus on your own strong qualities. This will bring you success in life, career and love :)


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 12:59 am 
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Yeah agree with a lot of what you've said there Chief. I would say I'm an introvert, but I'm not at all shy. In a one on one situation (or in a very small group) I lead a conversation and joke around etc. When I'm in a larger group it's not that I'm shy to speak - indeed, I actually speak up with quite a few witty one liner type things, say my piece when I want to, even take the piss out of/"banter" other people in the group. But I tend not to be the one being the life and sole of the party, I tend to work off others and do sometimes come across as "quiet".

This actually means that when I've got a girl isolated, I am as good as if not better than any extrovert I know at sealing the deal. The more tricky part is getting noticed in the first place. But you can work around that. You can find opportunities to isolate, to chat to girls outside of the group, maybe in the kitchen at a party or in the smoking area at a club or whatever.

As you say, I think shyness is something else completely. For instance, you can take a shy person, put them in a room with only their best friend(s) and/or family and they can actually be the funniest and loudest of the group. But put them with strangers or people they don't know so well, and they go back into their shell and are almost too scared to speak out. The introvert, on the other hand, will probably never be the loudest person in the group even if they are actually the most confident in the group.

I actually think the biggest problem with pick up for introverts is the material around those earlier stages of an interaction with a girl. A lot of the stuff about, for example, kino escalation, ways of talking to girls, how to escalate a conversation from initial contact through to getting her into bed are actually fairly useful for either an extrovert or introvert. After all, most (confident) introverts will be fairly decent at one on one conversations. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the one-on-one stage is far more to do with shyness vs confidence than it is to do with your introvert vs extrovert personality.

The "inner game"/newbie challenge type stuff on here is very good for bringing shy people out of their shell around strangers. But where there seems to be a massive gap in the pick up artist sphere is how the quieter, introverted guy, can get the attention of girls when there is some decent looking jock bench pressing a keg on the table in the middle of the room or whatever. I think there is a big focus on being the "Alpha Male" as that is the person who gets the girl - something I agree with in theory. The thing is that the pick up "Alpha Male" is very one dimensional. How about an alpha male who uses, for instance, those witty one liners and "banter"/sarcastic come backs etc. at appropriate times to show that he is the big dog in the group who is willing to let the puppies run around making all the noise.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2014 2:12 am 
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Yeah agree with a lot of what you've said there Chief. I would say I'm an introvert, but I'm not at all shy. In a one on one situation (or in a very small group) I lead a conversation and joke around etc. When I'm in a larger group it's not that I'm shy to speak - indeed, I actually speak up with quite a few witty one liner type things, say my piece when I want to, even take the piss out of/"banter" other people in the group. But I tend not to be the one being the life and sole of the party, I tend to work off others and do sometimes come across as "quiet".

This actually means that when I've got a girl isolated, I am as good as if not better than any extrovert I know at sealing the deal. The more tricky part is getting noticed in the first place. But you can work around that. You can find opportunities to isolate, to chat to girls outside of the group, maybe in the kitchen at a party or in the smoking area at a club or whatever.

As you say, I think shyness is something else completely. For instance, you can take a shy person, put them in a room with only their best friend(s) and/or family and they can actually be the funniest and loudest of the group. But put them with strangers or people they don't know so well, and they go back into their shell and are almost too scared to speak out. The introvert, on the other hand, will probably never be the loudest person in the group even if they are actually the most confident in the group.

I actually think the biggest problem with pick up for introverts is the material around those earlier stages of an interaction with a girl. A lot of the stuff about, for example, kino escalation, ways of talking to girls, how to escalate a conversation from initial contact through to getting her into bed are actually fairly useful for either an extrovert or introvert. After all, most (confident) introverts will be fairly decent at one on one conversations. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the one-on-one stage is far more to do with shyness vs confidence than it is to do with your introvert vs extrovert personality.

The "inner game"/newbie challenge type stuff on here is very good for bringing shy people out of their shell around strangers. But where there seems to be a massive gap in the pick up artist sphere is how the quieter, introverted guy, can get the attention of girls when there is some decent looking jock bench pressing a keg on the table in the middle of the room or whatever. I think there is a big focus on being the "Alpha Male" as that is the person who gets the girl - something I agree with in theory. The thing is that the pick up "Alpha Male" is very one dimensional. How about an alpha male who uses, for instance, those witty one liners and "banter"/sarcastic come backs etc. at appropriate times to show that he is the big dog in the group who is willing to let the puppies run around making all the noise.
I enjoy reading 7000's posts for having one of the sharpest insights around. However, I have to disagree with one point only. I strongly agree on all of his other points most especially with his multi-dimensional Alpha Male. I think that's a very accurate observation.

Here's the one and only point that I disagree with and why:
Quote:
I actually think the biggest problem with pick up for introverts is the material around those earlier stages of an interaction with a girl.
I have been fairly successful using many of the materials around here that address the earlier stages of an interaction with a girl. I have done the newbie mission as well as did mass approaches Jackal Ronin style for several weeks (and changed the mass approach strategy after some infield feedback).

I could say that I'm 80% introvert and 20% extrovert out of necessity. I say out of necessity because I get assigned extroverted leadership roles in many environments mainly due to certain skill sets that others found exceptional. Otherwise, if I had a choice, I almost always stay at the sidelines and quietly enjoy the view from there.

The thing is, I'm not shy.

I grew up in a single mom household. To get her way, my mom usually used nagging and public humiliation as tools of compliance. You can say that I've developed a very thick skin because of constant nagging and public humiliation once and so often. When somebody says something negative, it goes in one ear and quickly exits in the other. Negative things are quickly filtered out and don't stay that long in the brain.

Hence, if an introvert has thick skin, I would say most of the field tested, trustworthy materials around here will work wonderfully. However, if an introvert is shy, then he has to fix that shyness first.

I believe Chief has the exact solution for that. I have field tested several of Chief's advices and they worked perfectly fine for me-- an introvert. I don't see any reason why Chief's solutions for introverts will not work. They have worked several times for me. The odds are great that those will work perfectly fine for other introverts too.

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