I was watching two friends that are both very successful with women. The techniques they each use are very very different. One is high energy and puts in some work. Its okay because its just how he is and I think he would be bored otherwise. Oh, and it pays off but again, he does the work.

The other, he doesnt pay any attention to them or try AT ALL. He is above average in the looks dept but the thing is, he has always been that way and always gotten attention. Even though I know that women dont put as much stock into looks as men do, I still contributed the majority of his success to his looks.

Then it hit me, the difference between the two approaches is quite different indeed. The indifferent friend learned that from years of never having to try. Just imagine if when you first started out, you didnt even have to try. Would you ever know anything different? No you wouldnt. That confidence would have just grown. We certainly wouldnt have the need to be here learning how to be that way, we would just be that way. It is at the root of all the things we know from here, but we all try to figure out how to fake it. He on the other hand, really doesnt give a fuck about any of them...and it drives them crazy.

The high energy friend, he is still trying hard. And honestly, as much as I can appreciate what both of them can do, I think I am somewhere in the middle. However, it is just that I dont want to do the work at the moment. I really dont give a shit because I just dont feel like it. I wish I had more of his energy, and at the same time it is REALLY nice to do what the fuck I want without caring if I get women or not. And honestly, I am sure that this incongruence shows through when I talk to women now anyways. Of course this is just where I am right now in my life after a significant break-up.

Now if I can just figure out a good compromise between the two...maybe then..

I think congruence is the key to your friends' success. However, tell me if I'm wrong, I suppose your high-energy friend only has success in high-energy environments like clubs, and with people who are already happy. My guess is that he has less success with low-energetic people. The opposite is probably true with your other friend. My point with this is, if I am right, to show you how important it is to meet people at the same level since it is key to build rapport - a skill that both your friends probably lack.

My suggestion to you is to read the people you want to approach. Analyse what state of mind they have, and try to meet them at the same level. Then just add a tad more energy to the interaction to manipulate them into a better mood.

Interesting observations about your friends. Regarding your own game -- if you don't feel like a really high-energy person, don't force it. It will come off as incongruent. The key is not high energy, but positive energy. Everybody has their own, unique positive energy. Just identify times when you have been in a positive, relaxed state where you had some energy (so being stoned doesn't count!), so you can reference that feeling. If you actually do want to meet women despite a recent significant breakup, you're going to have to get out of that breakup headspace and find a way to put yourself into a positive, social state whenever you go out. There are several ways to do this that have been discussed at length. Search "instant state changer" and similar terms. Good luck!

Hi Trevino!
I don't think I can add anything to the issue of congruence. I think Hugge, and SgtMack just about nailed it!

What I can add some focus to is where their strengths lie.
Yes, women respond much more powerfully to personality traits then they do looks, and other personal traits. But, the fact is, the more attractive a man is, the less he has to work. One of the most important personality traits is confidence. Confidence comes from success. An attractive man will therefore earn confidence much easier than an average looking man. Women will approach him much more frequently, and probably earlier in life. Therefore he will have success, and confidence for doing virtually nothing. In fact, he will probably have this happen before he ever puts any real effort in to attraction.
As long as this type of man doesn't mess things up too badly in the personality department, he will continue to be very successful with women.

An average looking man on the other hand will probably face rejection several times before having any success. He will therefore be humbled before he has gained any confidence. He will really have to work hard, and push himself, and in some sense take a blind leap of faith over, and over again hoping for better results when all he really will expect is the pain from his previous bad experiences. This type of man will have a much longer road, and will always have to work much harder because he will always be dependent on displaying his personality before the woman will feel attraction. This effort can be augmented by various tricks, and tactics. Many of the PUAs, PUGs, and coaches have come up with some really smooth stuff!

Most of us will be the latter type. If you are not the type that girls frequently approach, you should focus on developing your game, and self. It may be that expending a lot of energy is your path. You don't have to be that high energy social guy, but you should expect to put a lot of time, and energy in to your development, and preparation. I shared an experience in another post entitled "A Tale of Two Nines - The only successful guy in the bar". In many cases, I can be the low energy guy, but if it is a charged environment, I prefer to be the loud energetic guy, or the center of attention.

Good luck with your game!
If you have any questions, I will do my best to give you some good insights, and tips.