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After taking some time off from dating for personal reasons, I ramped back up my online dating efforts five days ago. I'm used to sketchy behavior and potential flakes, but it's just getting ridiculous.
I know the key seems to be not to overreact and play it cool, but I feel like being too aloof just leads to the girl disappearing for good. Online dating is all about capitalizing on opportunities and seizing the moment.
One person in particular is making me especially annoyed because I did everything right. I was freezing her out at the right times and making her laugh over the past couple of days. I got good enough that she sent me a good morning text after I had ignored her the night before. We had plans to meet at 7 for hot chocolate last night.
Just to prevent a flake before it happened, i used the method where I text her about two hours before and say "bad news...". She immediately responds, "What??" and I wait a good half hour and say "I didn't win the mega millions scratch off ticket I was banking on :p. See you in an hour?"
I thought I did a masterful job with this one. And yet... she didn't respond. At all. five minutes before we were supposed to meet I called her. And she didn't answer. I couldn't believe she was doing it. And then three hours later I got the old "Omg I'm so sorry I laid down and fell asleep!"
Now I know that was complete BS, but I didn't act angry. I said "Well aren't you just the worst. How in the world will you repay me for this?" She suggested we meet the following day. We talked and flirted for about an hour before I told her I was going to bed. She said she was excited to see me today.
surprise surprise, she didn't show up. In fact she just completely ignored me all day. And I imagine she will choose to just ignore me forever because there's hardly any good excuse she could come up with. I notice she checked my profile early this morning so obviously she was contemplating what to do. Maybe upon further inspection she decided I wasn't good looking enough, who knows.
Any tips for cutting down on flake rates?
Gunfighter's response for flakes is good. Use it if a girl flakes on you
My 2 cents:
Banged alot of chicks from online to the point I got tired of it. Never understood how guys get flaked from online. Online dating is not supposed to be freeze out game, there is the subtext that you 2 talking will naturally lead to a date. You and her are equal partners in getting together. If she is not working with you, do not set up a date. If you get the hint she is not fully interested, DON'T SET THE DATE. If she isn't into you completely/sufficiently she WILL FLAKE. If she doesn't respond move on. If she reinitiates fine, but don't beat around the bush too much and just go for the date when you know she is down for it. If she is iffy and she suggests a date, make it at your place when you have nothing better to do.
IF YOU DON'T FEEL THAT IF YOU CALL HER SHE WOULD PICK UP OR RETURN YOUR CALL, DOO NOT SET A DATE. If she would avoid a phone call, shows she could also avoid coming out.
Be dependable yourself. Taking hours to reply looks cool, but to a girl this could signal that you will flake so she may preemptively flake or make other plans. Your move was a bad one; You texted an iffy girl "bad news" 2 hours before the date, then took 1/2 hour to reply. So an hour before the date you gave her doubt about whether the date was on. Girls have options, and typically need time to get ready. Doing this just makes you look unreliable. In the 1/2 hour she was waiting for your text, thoughts ran through her mind about you flaking, she thought "fuck it...I'll go out with my friends" she made plans and moved on. In the beginning stages, you never want to give her doubt that you will show up. Her contemplating as you say is because she figured the risk of you flaking or her being unsure was too high.
Last point. Drop the hot chocolate date. Tell her the date is a surprise. Gets her thinking and excited about what the date is. Hot chocolate sounds boring. Tell her "Meet me at X-place at 7." (Where X place has a bunch of different thins going on...a shopping area, city or mall or something).You want her thinking about "Oh...I wonder what we are going to do." She will text you that day asking what clothes she should wear, if she should eat before and if she needs to bring anything. Sure signals she's serious. You can meet for hot chocolate, a walk or whatever but don't let her know what you're doing. If you can, find out if you can pick her up; makes it easier to get her back to your place smoothly if there is one car. Talking to her on the phone can make this go better so when you suggest the date, just say "Cool, I'll pick you up at 7." If she insists on driving to meet you, text her an address near to your place like a park. Meet her there, go for a walk, talk, have her drive to the date area like a bar, and then she has to go back to your place to drop you off.