Hi

One question to some of the honourable gentlemen of the forum on a subject that I tend to get burned too often

I tend to make jokes from time to time. I'm not a fucking clown or Jerry Seinfelt so not all jokes hit the target, and that's ok. C/F and what have you.

I sometimes thou get into trouble because I make a joke with sexual undertones. In the past I have off course gone too far on one or two occasions. The girl is offended. And I am struck out of luck. The reason that I have these kind of jokes is to not come of as some mamas boy or Teddy bear, dull and uninteresting. I've had both successes and failures with this. It's a two edged sword so to say. She must be interested in the first place, and I can't come of as sleazy.

From time to time I make a joke with some sexual undertones to someone I know is interested in me, and she acts insulted. Perhaps she is. How to handle this?

Should I stop making these kind of jokes altogether?. Not mention anything on the subject of sex? And perhaps get myself neutered.

If I crack a joke that is relatively harmless but with some sexual undertones, and she acts insulted, how should I react? Is it a shit test to see my reaction to her being "insulted" or is it just me gone too far too early?

How to handle it!!!?

I would say, be unreactive to her reaction.

Playing it cool makes it seem like sex isnt a big deal to you....which is good. If you make a joke, then visibly cowar, it looks like youre reaching into a subject that you personally think is touchy. Its just sex. Fuck it.

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Thank you for your candid answer.

To get a bit more specific. Would it be best to not make those kind of jokes at all? It seems that it's not worth the risk and the hassle.

I for example asked this girl what her fetishes were, and named her dialect as mine, obviously not a serious question, she reacted badly. Shit test? Sounds like it, or she may just be a bit dumb or have had a religious upbringing or something.

By the way, if it was a shit test I failed. How serious should you take it when they get upset over minor matters? Not real upset, just enough to make you think you lost her.

I think that joke is hilarious, and is something that I would say.

I just wouldnt say them alot, as it makes you seem like youre only after pussy. You just gotta be unassuming. But a good sexual inuendo is harmless and a good thing if you guys are already vibing.

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Thank you reedurk182

We are on the same page her I think. It's a question of timing and quantity. She got upset ("I'm not going to tell my fetishes to someone I barely know"), I said sorry. I feel like a real dumb ass...

Doesn't sound to me like she was upset, also if you like doing this kind of jokes, keep doing them. I dont see anything wrong with that, if its natural for you. So dont worry.

The quote above appears more like a ST / indicator for not enough rapport.

Dont take it to serious, you can say something like

"So you tell people you know your fetishes? you nasty girl"
"I'll find out later "
"True, then i'll go first and tell you mine"

you get the drift.

This means you're uncalibrated. Nothing wrong with a sexual joke or question, but you have to feel out whether it's appropriate with the certain girl. Typically, if she goes sexual, I'll go sexual, but that's because it's harder recovering if you make a sexual joke too soon. Plus, if you haven't slept with her yet, even if she goes sexual over text you risk triggering ASD later. Not worth it IMO. It's better to leave these jokes out because the recovery is going to be out of your control. You may be able to save it by acting genuinely sorry in some cases and for other girls it would be better to be non reactive. You're just adding an unnecessary variable in the pu.

One last point, less is more. I don't get why there is a need to go sexual over text before you sleep with a woman. Text game is supposed to be short, funny and quick to get a date as soon as possible. Then on the date, the REAL conversations happen. You don't risk her thinking you're soft if you grab her on the date and make out with her. Point is, actions speak louder than words and the only thing that matters is you get her out. Focus on that, without having to throw everything at her and you'll be fine. After sex or at least a good date with contact, you're in a better place to text whatever.

I think you have a point Neo87

It is not that the joke it self is bad, but it's an unknown factor that I don't need. Early on in the game it's unnecessary to take these kind of risks. The plus side is small and the downside is potentially fatal. What if she's in a bad mood already and you throe some joke in her face that she's not ready for? What then? I should go a bit easier on these kind of stuff and rather show my cockiness in other ways when the time comes. If you are more established and have ravished her once or twice it's safer.

Girls are different. I once met this girl who was originally from Russia. She went completely mad over this kind of stuff. She couldn't get enough. She turned out to be a bit crazy thou (what Russian aren't, I should have known), but a great lay. I primarily want to get in contact with "normal" girls, and normal girls may be offended and I may not be able to salvage the situation. So, to sum it up, perhaps something I should do less of altogether.

When it comes to apologising for the affront, wont do that again EVER. That's not the way out. I'll stick with my gun even if it's not loaded.

Your problem is proper calibration and weak frame. The former will improve with more in-field experience, the later may take some more work.

Could you expand your answer about strong versus weak frame? How do you in general communicate a strong frame?

Yes, and text is a medium where the risky stuff should be held back IMO. You lose the facial expressions, and tonality that could make a sexual joke come off smoother. Plus, it's harder to recover over text. It's easier for her to ignore a text message she doesn't like whereas in person, she would at least give you a reaction that you can work from. If your screening for girls who are DTF from the beginning, sure, throwing out a sexual joke can help you weed out the "normal" girls. But be prepared to approach more girls. Let's say you approach 10 girls and get 4 numbers. If you throw sexual jokes to all of the 4, 1 may bite and you have an easy lay. If you play it safer, you may be able to get 3 dates from the 4 numbers and fuck 2 of them. So it depends on what you're looking for.

Your frame is how you perceive your role in the interaction, so whilst dealing with woman your frame should be that of the attractive selector who takes the lead and is used to getting what he wants (or something like this). With a strong frame you shouldn't fail shit tests by trying to adjust your answers based on impromptu tactics or over-thinking your answers.

Weak frame is what you currently have, you are unsure of what woman are attracted to and you are trying to analyze and personalize each reaction based on her verbal ques and your own inaccurate perception.

That explained a lot. Strong frames comes from an inner knowledge that you are the prize and that you don't get confused by any sort of actions or behaviours she throws at you. Not overcomplicating things and not overanalysing things. Basically alfa behaviour.

You really don't want to make sex comments until she's into you.

Tell the jokes. I live in a hyper conservative area. Most of the girls I've slept with in the last few years have been offended at some of the stuff I say. It's not bad at all. As a matter of fact, it helps. She doesn't think of me as the dickless nice guy(like most of her other 'boyfriends'). Just don't be a jackass and keep pressing that offensive button over and over. Take her que, back off. Don't apologize, but don't push it. If a girl doesn't like sex comments so early on, do avoid them for a bit.

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I can see you are a smart guy with an open mind, you should do very well with more practice. Yes a strong frame is the foundation of good inner game.

To say a final comment about framing, whatever frame you have may not "work" per se with every girl. But you overall results will be better with a consistently stable and correct frame than trying to microadjust for every new woman when they shit test you. Your frame should change and improve slowly as the result of a lot of data(in-field experience), not individual interactions which serve only as one data point.