Hey guys here's the story. I've been seeing this things have been good we've been on 2 dates, and its been good. I've had my reservations about getting into a relationship, but I like this girl. We have fun when we go out she had a bad day last week so I took her on a surprise date for ice cream. That was a bit of a flop because it made me sick and I had to drop her off quickly, but how do I move this to the next stage? Any advice is appreciated thanks!

Just keep going on dates with her. Isolate and make your physical intentions clear. Kino escalation as much as you can. She 'll stop you if she feels uncomfortable.

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The ultimate lesson of psychoanalysis is that human life is never "just life": we are possessed by the strange drive to enjoy life in excess, attached to a surplus which derails the ordinary run of things.
-Slavoj Zizek

A great date is to get her to your place to cook dinner together. You have to actually ask her to come or she never will. After that it's cooking dinner at your place plus escalation = sexy time.

Just call her man and set the next date up.. Nothing went wrong.. and it wasn't "bad". It was just out of your control. Laugh it off.

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Thanks man I appreciate the advice! The thing is I really like this girl, but I've kept my head about me,and my emotions in check. I would call her, but she works weird hours, and its easier to text her. I'm just seeing everything in a negative light right now I just got slammed with a lawsuit today and could potentially lose my house, so needless to say I'm not thinking straight. The girl I'm seeing is sick right now, so I talked to a good friend of mine that's a girl, and got her to kinda coach me through I guess you'd say.
We had a bit of a convo then I sent the msg that my friend gave me it may have been a little too direct she hasn't replied yet. Here it is.

Me: have you gotten anyone to make you chicken soup yet?
Her: roommate got me soup
Me: nice homemade?
Me: I gotta run, but I'm gonna be training in blank city tomorrow night if you're gonna be around I'll bring you some of my homemade chicken soup you can see how it measures up against your roommates, and if you're lucky I might bring my toblerone bar lol.

I know that broke the short and sweet rule, and may have been a little too direct that's what my friend told me to say because it shows confidence. Everyone I've talked to said don't worry man you're over thinking and taking it too hard you didn't do anything wrong if anything you were maybe too confident, but that's better than being a wimp. I'm just in no mindset to think about anything right now. I figure just let it be right now so I don't look needy I know she has feeling/attraction for me so just play it cool see if she msg's me back. I can't see her totally cutting me out, but as always any advice is appreciated. I just need some advice on how to recover because I really don't wanna lose her especially when I may be losing my house. Just a bad day.

I know you don't want to lose her, but if you go down this path you will at some point or another. It's fine to like a girl, in fact it's great. However once you depend on her things go bad. Make sure you keep yourself in check, but enjoy yourself at all times when you're with her and when you're without her.

Thanks for the advice. I have kept myself in check. Although the last 2 convos we had I iniated them. So I think its just time to step back she knows I have a life, and that I don't depend on her. I'm just seeing everything in a negative light right now when I should be saying this is a challenge, and I'm gonna destroy it. I just feel broken right now mainly to do with the lawsuit I got hit with. My plan is you saw the last msg I sent her, so now just back off see if she contacts me I can't see her just cutting me off because there are feelings there, and I can say I have not been needy/clingy I know that for sure. Our so I'm gonna let it be ball is in her court I'll give it a week if I don't here from her I'll call her, and hopefully set something up. That's what I'm thinking, but any advice or anything you have to add is appreciated thanks!!

Well biologically we respond to the carrot and stick system... If you go to work and do absolutely nothing at all and your boss gives you a raise.. You'll think " Thanks.. But this guy is an idiot. I didn't do anything" You may even begin to feel qualified to take his position.

Which in essence is the same as you promising her chicken noodle soup when she did nothing whats so ever to show she is deserving of it.

I don't think you have a firm understanding of your worth and the position you want a woman to play in your life. You just want someone because you have a void. You have to train your consciousness and your emotions to be stronger, or else you'll be wasting your time with relationships.

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true man I never thought of it that way. If I had a clear head I might have I just acted toatally on anothers advice, and put myself in a situation of potentially looking needy. This is the 1st time I've fkd up like this. I've played everything cool up until now. I've calmed down, and got my head somewhat back about me what do you reccomend I do from here?

Also the thing with the soup is cooking is a common interest we share so I meant it kind of as a way to set up a date as well as a gentlemanly gesture I guess you'd say. I didn't mean it as an oh let me wait on you hand and foot. Gesture. My thinking was she's sick with strep throat I'll offer something nice show off my cooking skills, and also get to see her. Maybe my logic is wrong, but I thought it was an alright gesture.

It just seemed try hard man; which is what provoked my opinion. Its not about "looking" needy, its about being needy or not being needy. A chick can pick up on your vibe a lot easier than you think; women are in fact 10x more intuitive than men. So if i was able to pick up on your try hardness, she's 10x more likely to pick up on it. Not to mention; you're posting about her time and time again.. If that isn't a clear sign of neediness, I don't know what it is.

The only thing left to do is pull back and put things into perspective. You don't really want to be hanging out with a sick chick do you? Thats a bit disgusting and you're putting yourself a risk.. For what?

Pull back and keep on living.

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I totally agree. This was a fck up I know I post a lot about her, but like I said in a previous thread. When I broke up with my ex I oneitised myself pretty hard. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had. So I'm trying to be proactive, and keep that from happening again. As far as trying to hard I see where you're coming from, but its not really as bad as this post makes it seem. I don't talk to her everyday. I don't hound her for dates she's had to reschedule I've had to reschedule. I make 1st contact sometimes she does other times. Its pretty normal. I'm just gonna play it cool go on about my business, and see what happens. Thanks for the advice I needed it. I was seeing everything in a negative light after getting hit with the lawsuit. I have a new perspective now I hope things work out.

Yea man. I would advise you to do some research into the science of your emotions. That way you'll have a firm understanding of what you're feeling with these girls and why you're feeling it. Emotions aren't YOU.. They're chemical reactions that affect your thoughts..

People today operate off of this two point system.. They either get an thought then an emotion, or an emotion and then a thought. We're more than just our minds.. The mind is a tool, it isn't us and if we don't monitor it properly it can become our worse enemy. Just as the heart, lungs, kidneys, and liver can.. If they aren't properly taken care of.

Tune into your body. Just because you think it or feel it - doesn't mean its real. People go mad thinking they're thoughts and emotions have more significance than they actually do. Just as you would advice from others; take your own thoughts and emotions with a grain of salt.

Good luck dude

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thanks for the advice I needed that. I don't think things are as bad as I'm making it in my head I think a break from her might resolve whatever is going on. I kinda take this as a good sign, but not reading too much into it I forwarded my whole convo with this girl to a friend of mine. She read it, and said there is nothing in here that would make me feel uncomfortable or see you as needy. She said from the convo I'd think you're a fun,exciting guy. So that was encouraging, but she did say the last cpl msgs possibly could be seen as a little try hard, but nothing seruious. So I'm hoping things turn around.

I just wanted to get your opinion on another thing I just thought of. I texted her a couple days ago didn't get the response I was looking for, she wasn't in great humor. So that night I textd her ohh todays been crazy I just goit word that I'm getting my rematch in NY against the guy I lost my belt to. How was your day? (Boxing is another common interest) that got a positive response bit of teasing. Then I made the mistake of trying to revive a convo that was dying out. Then yesterday the above convo.

I had several reasons for telling her about the fight. 1st I was excited about it, 2nd shows I have exciting things going on in my life,3rd shows I have a life which she knows because I've never made her the hot point of my day. So like we both said its best just to step back take care of myself. The worst thing I can do now is chase. Maybe once she sees me not chasing she'll get curious, and contact me again. Just a theory of mine though.

Years ago I had a relationship go bad that I really wanted to save I chased her did everything wrong , and when I finally stopped talking to her she got the feeling she lost me she came back to me. That's my plan for this except without the chasing on my part.