Yup, I'm experiencing all the classic signs you normally see when you're about to lose the girl.

I know the typical thing to do next is to just break all contact, but unfortunately I work with her. I don't have to interact with her much when it comes to actual work, but I do see her about the office a few times a day. What am I supposed to do? Just blank her? I can't see how that would look anything else other than childish.

How should I act when I inevitably run into her in the office?

Smile and say hi. What else can you do? Just keep it pleasant and professional.

We really can't assess the situation, more information is needed.
Were you guys dating? Friends with benefits? About to date? What exactly happened? Do you still want her?

We had been dating, albeit without anybody else knowing. She'd recently broken up with her bf.

One minute everything was great, texting every day, things were really intimate. But in the space of a couple of days she went really cold on me - Became distant, seemed noticeably irritable when I was around her. I'm fairly certain the ex is back in the picture and this is her way of pushing me away, although I haven't confronted her on that, and not sure if I should?

I do still want her. And if I can't have her it's going to be really difficult to get over this one when I have to see her every day.

Not sure what to do.

I'm assuming you haven't completely lost her yet. Give her one more try and test her out. If she keeps acting cold just next her. You should maintain your self esteem and respect, especially that it's work-related too.

When you pass by her in the office just say Hi and smile as if nothing happened. Keep that high image of yours and act casual. Blanking her out or ignoring her is childish and will make things more awkward.

I appreciate the replies.

What would you say knowing it might very well be the last encounter? It's a kind of 'do or die' moment really, and I kind of feel the need to just pour it all out there. Those would be my instincts before coming across this community, which probably means it's the most stupid thing I can do. I can see myself sounding needy just thinking about it actually, and it's probably not the best of moves to make when she's already in 'push me away mode.'

And should I bring up the ex? Tell it like it is and say I want her to be mine?

Never had anyone flip a switch quite as quickly as this and it's actually knocked the wind out of me, so not sure how to approach this.

What would you say?

Don't automatically assume when you question her. I don't see anything wrong with saying "is everything alright?"... she'll probably say "yeah" then you can respond "you've been acting different lately are you sure?". Touch her on the shoulder and look into her eyes while saying this... it's an anchor to show you're truly concerned about HER and you're not concerned about yourself. If she still refuses to tell you anything don't sweat it and move on. You can keep acknowledging her existence at work but don't chase her... let her come to you.


If you start questioning her about her ex you'll end up losing your cool and sound needy.

If you blow it off and just act cool... it's a method that works, but it may drive you crazy if you never had the chance to get a hint of what's really going on.

_________________
VIDEO SERIES Shows You How To Seduce Women In Less Than 3 Minutes Without Having To Sell Your Soul
http://www.manmindsetcoaching.com <-- Click Here

Yea I've already done the "is everything alright" bit and she did the typical thing a girl does and said "I'm fine". So I left it at that.

I'm convinced there is still something there between us. I didn't mention it in my last post (should have done, sorry) but she text me last week saying she misses my "just popping by to say hello messages". So the following night I sent her a text saying that I was looking forward to seeing her the next day (I'd been off work for a couple of days and it was about to be my first day back.) She didn't reply. And the next day when I did return to work it was as if none of our text exchanges had ever happened.

What I take from that little event is that she's trying to move on, trying to make things work with her ex, but that text to me saying that she misses my "popping by to say hello" messages was a moment of weakness on her part. As mentioned this was over a week ago and I've since returned to no contact and just being civil, casual, etc. when I see her in the office.

This is absolutely destroying me to be honest. I can get over a girl no problem but not when I have to see her looking amazing walking around the office every day. I was actually looking at alternative job options today which I cannot stress how much this will put my career back.

Am I doing everything I should be doing?

Sorry dude, but you were her rebound. It's likely over. She was feeling lonely in the wake of a breakup, you provided a band-aid for that, but the other guy may still be in the picture, or she may just be ready to take off the band-aid.

Rebounds rarely result in anything serious, which is unfortunate for the reboundee, but that's what you get for picking someone up who's still in the vulnerable, fickle stages of post-breakup emotion.

I would cut your losses and preserve your pride on this one. Be civil, professional, but move on. If she comes back at you, play it cool and aloof at that point. If she REALLY wants to keep it going with you, let her make some effort. You don't need to be begging someone who is clearly still dealing with breakup stuff right now.

Yo! I feel like you're looking at it in the wrong way.

The truth is, YOU are the catch and you can get any woman you want, and this woman is just another fish in the sea - drop her and move on, and when you see her, convey this (that YOU are the catch and that you don't really place any weight on her at all) and she'll see this. Because it's the truth!

You're saying stuff like 'she will be walking around work looking great and I can't handle it' - you should let it sink into your mind that it is actually THE OTHER WAY ROUND - YOU will be walking around work looking great and SHE will be missing out - poor her!

I almost feel sorry for her now, missing out on a don such as yourself.

Peace!

dude i had this same type of girl 3 yrs ago.... She drove me insane... she was interested at one moment and the other moment she would act cold on me. Needless to say I stopped talking to her for a month, I met another girl (that ironically got hired the day she got fired).... I started dating the new girl (who was a lot hotter and had a better personality.) So after dating the new girl (which is now my girlfriend) for about 3 months the old girl would constantly try to hang out with me, but I found someone better.

You have tunnel vision right now... if somehow this works out with this girl then good for you... but you need to get yourself out of this mind state, you got game man... use it on a girl that deserves it and is willing to give you her attention, you probably can find somebody better.

I know how tough it is.... It was very tough for me to break this pattern, but it'll do you good.

_________________
VIDEO SERIES Shows You How To Seduce Women In Less Than 3 Minutes Without Having To Sell Your Soul
http://www.manmindsetcoaching.com <-- Click Here

I do agree with the all of the above but at this point it sounds like I've got nothing to lose.

Is there any point in reaching out to her? Just be honest and tell her how much I want her to be mine? The way I see it I have two options. I could just cut my loses and walk away with my pride intact but have to live with the fact that I never did all I could. Or I could put my heart on the line and likely get rejected. I honestly don't know what will make me feel worse in the long run. With the latter at least I'll feel like I have some closure.

Thanks everyone, this has been a useful place to think things through a bit more clearly.

I'm back with an update as things just got a bit interesting.

I ended up having lunch with her at work in the staff room the other day for pretty much the first time since things went south. Things were civil, a bit awkward, but there were also a few laughs. That same night she text me. I'm not going to put the exact wording, but the chain of events essentially went like this:


Her: She told me that she'd noticed a couple of subtle digs coming from me at lunch.

Me: I was genuinely taken aback. Had to really rack my brain but managed to figure out what she might be referring to and immediately cleared up a misunderstanding (it genuinely was a misunderstanding.)

Her: She seemed a bit embarrassed and apologised for letting her emotions get the better of her and for overreacting. She also mentioned that normally she would sleep on stuff like this and start again the next day with a fresh perspective, but on this rare occasion had gotten upset over it. That is indeed very unlike her, I've never met anyone who can brush stuff off like this girl can and just carry on.

Me: I told her not to worry and that if I ever did upset her again to let me know immediately, because it would never be my intention to hurt her. Against my better judgement I also admitted I wasn't doing too well over what was going on.

Her: She admitted she too wasn't coping with things like she normally would. She didn't directly come out and say the situation with me and her was what she wasn't coping well with, but I took it to mean that was at least part of it. She also admitted that although she might appear fine when in the office that really she wasn't.

Me: I did something stupid next, although in hindsight don't regret it, and asked "where did i go wrong?"

Her: She told me I didn't go wrong anywhere. She'd freaked out after a night we'd been out together (it really was the most amazing night - the night I realised I loved her, and if you read on, in retrospect this is the night I think she fell for me too.) She also said that she didn't want to feel so much for me that she couldn't stand not to be around me, and admitted that she'd distanced herself.

Me: I asked her if she'd distanced herself because she thought she might get hurt. I admitted at this point that I had been falling in love with her.

Her: She said that was exactly why she'd distanced herself, as she'd been falling for me too. She was really upset that I was hurting and felt awful that she might have lost one of the most wonderful people in her life.

Me: I replied that I couldn't get my head around what was stopping us from being together. That we were perfect together. I told her that I knew I had to let her go, but that I hoped this wasn't the end because I really believed we were meant for each other.

Her: She said that we really are something else when we're together, and finished with, and I quote "And this isn't the end, it can't be."


Whilst it's nice to finally know just what happened in her head for things to take such a sudden turn I am equally absolutely gutted that this girl seems to have similar feelings for me but doesn't feel she can act on them.

My new theory is as followed: I don't think she ever broke up with her bf (I'm not going to go into why, but just go with me on this.) I now think that she had her head turned by me, decided she wanted a bit of fun, or more likely some loving attention (her bf really is a prick who doesn't treat her well,) but then felt she had to bail because shit was getting serious between us. Despite the problems she's had with her bf she clearly still sees this as the safe option. It's been a very long term relationship and one she got into quite young and for that reason I can understand her mentality for not wanting to leave all that she's ever known.

Not really sure what to do next. I'm clearly still in her head, and if I do what is normally recommended and back off I fear this might give her the space she needs to get over me and move on. I don't want her to get over me and move on. I want her to be mine. I was almost ready to accept this as a lost cause, but now all that keeps going through my head are her words: "this isn't the end, it can't be".

Fair play if you've read this far. And if you have, any thoughts on how I should handle this?