Gotten through what exactly? Don't understand that

Your issue was she wasn't committed...sleep with her. What was the problem? Maybe I missed something

That we'd get through this issue in our relationship, in other words I should hv told her everything will be ok...

So in light of her having commitment issues, I basically said, that I have to reserve my feelings for her and just be friends cause she may get bored in the future and leave me... So I said, I'll give her time to talk to other guys and get all of those desires out of her system (She was a virgin for a long time and wants experiencd and just see's a relationship as restriction. She wants to hv her cake and eat it too) In the mean time, we can be friends etc.

Also, can someone comment on this,
"IMPORTANT: In light of all this, where do I take it now? I haven't contacted her since last Sat. I figured I should give her time to heal?? Should I TXT/CALL her next week if so saying what? And when would it be ok to hang out?? Do I show her I hv woman in my life by uploading pics of me with girls on my FB? Please explain my next move woth her in detail."

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THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE TALKED SINCE BREAKING UP::
Last night on FB SHE commented on my post.
It's a long post about, 'people telling me I'm too real because my personality doesn't change depending on who I'm with. It's a shame that being real is something to be admired. Why? because today everyone's fake and has multiple personalities. Your personality is a work of art - make it beautiful and immutable' Something like that.

She commented with..
It's not neseccarily a matter of being fake, different people just bring out different sides of a persons personality. There's nothing wrong with that.

(I think she believes I was talking about her. Cause she tells me that about herself)
I wait 10 mins and say, "Definitely! I was addressing something different"

She instantly comments, "We'll then, my bad"
----------------
I thought she may think I'm mad at her, or she may be mad at me. So I waited 10 minutes and msg'ed her on FB. This is what was said:

Me: Hey, partner in crime
Her: Hi
Me: how's it going?
Her: Fine, I guess
Her: you?
Me I'm good! Getting ready for bed, soon.
Her: cool. Glad your good
Her: aren't you off on thanksgiving?
Me: Ya, but idc for holidays
Her y? bc u should be thankful everyday and not only on this one thursday? (I previously said that in a post)
Me: Exactly! You're my best student xD
Her that's bc I know you
Her and you know some ppl are grateful everyday
Her but on this day they voice it
Her: its not like people are gonna go around saying what they're thankful for on adaily basis
Her: but on thanksgiving its a custom to share
Me: For some reason I read all of this in you're arguing voice lol
Her: nah, not arguing
Her: just voicing an opinion
Her: im not being contentious
Me: I know.. I also believe it's the start of Hanukkah
Her: yea we lit the first candle today
Me: Did you make a wish?
Her u dont make a wish on hanukkah
Her: that's on New Years lol
Me: Just messing with you
Her: I know
Her: i read that in your teasing voice
Me: That's exactly how I said it.
Me: Anyways, I'm glad your doing well. I'm off to bed.
Her: ok. Have a good rest
Me: I'll call you, soon - to see how your holidays went. Gn. (Was that bad)
Her: G'nigtht
Her: *night
--------------------
END.

I tried to make it not awkward and show I'm still friendly. This is the first time we talked since we broke up. How do you guys think I handled this? And what should be my next move

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I thought there was some good in this conversation. She seemed pretty cold towards you at first, and it seemed like she had a real problem with your stance on holidays, but your "arguing voice" comment seemed to shift the dynamic and have her qualifying herself. "Did you make a wish?" was also quite good as it was hard to know where you were coming from with it, then you seemed to take control of the frame with your "messing with you" comment and held it up until "I'm off to bed". In fact, the "I know, I read that in your teasing voice" REALLY sounds like she likes it when you man up and take control, exactly as the rest of the thread confirms IIRC. There was a hint of eagerness in your last comment about calling her which probably didn't help, but I doubt it did a horrendous amount of damage.

_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Thanks for your reply shotgun.
I know she was upset at first. I guess she's the kind of girl you can't treat nice, maybe she's attracted to jerks (keep this in mind). When should I call her? I think if im too nice to her she may go for someone else who will be a jerk. she even addmitted i let her get away with anything she wants. Maybe I don't understand it enough, but how do I be the one with higher value, in control, the cross between jerk and nice guy.

And what should I say when I call? I was thinking of asking her to join me next week to take my lil sis and cousin to the aquirium, saying I need another adult.

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I'm not going to offer you a gameplan mate cos I don't feel I have the expertise, but I think maybe you want to get your anxiety and your fear of losing this girl under control. Also, some of your remarks about her are quite cynical, as if this situation is playing out the way it is because SHE'S got a problem. If you "let her get away with anything she wants" then she's not seeing you as a man, and that's YOUR problem to fix. I'd also say don't worry too much about "value" when you're talking about someone you already have an established relationship with, that's shallow. Frame control on the other hand is a positive thing and something you've shown some sign of exercising.

_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Just invite her over and put your dick inside her.

True, you have learned.

One thing I have to say though and I'm definitely sure about it: She simply wanted you to man up and CONTROL her. She mentioned that she's going to take control, and this points out that you were terribly weak in this "relationship".

You have some serious inner-game to work on. Maybe it's because it's the first time you pass through such a thing, it is a good experience but you handled it negatively. Let her flirt, let her get laid, you are the man. You weren't exclusive, she even admitted that she needs her own privacy. That happened to me before, a copy/paste of the SAME EXACT situation and it was because I did not escalate to sex before having this talk.

You should've fucked her hard, and that's all I know to be honest. You had to nail her, one time over the other until she was yours. You should've kept seeing other girls too at the same time. You are not tied to this girl. You tied your life and happiness upon her, and what's even worse was that you weren't even controlling the situation.

Take a time off, that's for the best as I can see. Work on yourself. Not having a Dad next to you is not an excuse, nothing is an excuse. I didn't have a father next to me too, but I learned how to adapt and take responsibility for my own actions at an early age. You are a man, I repeat it again. Take responsibility of your own fucking actions. Blame yourself for messing up, not the girl. She did not have commitment issues, you were the one with an over-sensitive personality and that destroyed much of the thing.

You don't cry. You don't give 100% of your life to a woman. You never choose one woman to hold your happiness. You game other girls. You are completely honest. You take control and lead.

That's all I have to say. Man up and don't blame anything. You passed through it, you learned. Move on, work on yourself big-time and nail every single girl you get the chance to fuck.

Good luck

Yes, I did let her get away with being in control or being a jerk. But I put my foot down and said I couldn't see her anymore. But when I'd get her food or something cause I care for her, she'd take it as a sign of weakness or someone she can control. Which is my fault cause we didn't become intimate lovers.. So I understand my error to that degree.

**Also what did you mean by this, "Also, some of your remarks about her ARE QUITE CYNICAL, as if this situation is playing out the way it is because SHE'S got a problem.. If ur let her get away with stuff and she don't see u as a man that's YOUR problem to fix." Are you saying its my fault and im blaming her? How do I let her see me as a man and not get away with stuff.

I'm not afraid of losing her, I'm afraid of her finding someone better and not wanting to talk to me/give affection. Then I'd feel like I'm a failure and someone's better than me. I realized I hv to see the other guy as a mere replacement compared to me. That helps.

Xoved, I understand my insecurities ruined things. But I knew she'd eventually get bored of one relationship and move to the next. And she admitted she'd do that. I had to do something I seen for myself something I couldn't show you guys. I had a gut feeling.
I understand I hv to control my emotions next time and don't let my low self-esteem effect things. Next time, WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO TO PERFECTLY HV CONTROL AND BE A MAN. If you could explain that it would SAVE MY GAME

***IMPORTANT: Can someone offer me a game plan on the last comment I made. Also, when I see her are there things I'm suppose to do, advanced tactics, like drop affection for her, resist kissing her, so she'll want me.**

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I mean that you're talking about who she's attracted to as if it's some kind of failure on her part. And it's probably not because they're JERKS, but because they know what they want and do their damnedest to take it.

_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

How would I apply that in a relationship, shotgun.
I mean, my inner game is so bad that I feel like a failure even when you guys give me advice as if everyone is taunting me but I know that's not true... It's frustrating. It bothers me that I messed up. I feel I can't take any satisfaction from my actions with her, like I hv nothing to be proud of. Like I failed 100%... The only thing that's helped me relieve the stress and is the mindset of not caring what happens abt the outcome. Is that the correct way to go about things?

Also, if someone can address the game plan comment I'd appreciate it. Idk how I should treat her or talk to her after this.

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If I'm in your place, I'd just save the time for "the last chance" thing and move on as if it never happened. I've put myself in such a situation before and I regret every moment I tried to gain her back. You're too low of a value for her right now. She'd probably enjoy the company of other guys because they'll make her feel better than you do. The only way to go back is to cut contact. COMPLETELY.

The more you're trying right now, the lower your value and self esteem. You have a reputation on the line, don't ruin it because of one girl. Be a high standards guy and just cut contact. If she initiates any talk, just speak casually as if nothing was between you. I'd say about 2-3 weeks are enough. BUT one thing you have to keep in mind is being with other girls during that period. She'll contact you again, and I am sure about it. BE WITH OTHER GIRLS. You have to work on yourself. Game like no other man and keep gaming other girls like there's no tomorrow. Have no regrets and completely ignore the consequences.

If she wants to go out, 5 pages on this thread are enough to guide you on what to do and I have nothing to say about that. If you have no intentions on fucking her, then SIMPLY take a shortcut and keep her out of your life. Things are going to get more awkward if you keep releasing your emotions and crying.

lol I'm not crying.

Btw, I don't know what you meant by this, "If I'm in your place, I'd just save the time for "the last chance" thing and move on as if it never happened. I've put myself in such a situation before and I regret every moment I tried to gain her back."

I'm not trying to get her back, I'm the one that called things off and gave her time to get everything out of her system. I'm just trying to establish a friend relationship for now.

It sort of hurts to think other guys would make her feel better than me. How would they do that? I'm like the first guy she had love for?

I told her, I was gonna call her after the holidays on FB so I'll call her tonight, just to be casual, tell her some cool things that are happening in my life, keep it short and hang up. It's been a week, so I'll cut contact for one more week than hang out. And yes, I'll see as many girls as possible.

_________________
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Why did you call things off? So she could get the other guys out of her system? She's had other guys all her life? How is a few months or weeks going to change things...

She's a virgin, so she hasn't had a lot of experience with guys. So she has all these desires. Like she's kept them inside for so long and wants to be free and all that. So I'm just letting her do that.

...I just called her, and I told her the great news my band got. Telling her were gonna' be playing at a mansion in Ny and she was happy for me. She said, "I'd new you make it." And we laughed at bit, I DHV'ed about what doing for charity and she said she wanted to give a toy for the cause.

I said, were gonna' be celebrating the good news and she said its another reason to get out the alcohol. I said, Ya we'll drink taquila's (Her name is after a drink. Lets call her taquila's) she said, well you can't hv that anymore. I said, well I don't need that, jokingly. She said, oh thanks. I tried to recover saying, "Huh? What do you mean, you know I don't drink. She said, just cause were just friends doesn't mean I forgot everything about you."

She also said this, "It's hard talking to you. What makes you think I can get thru other conversations. I spent 2 days crying. And your like ya, I'm enjoying life." I said, "im sure you did.. No, taquila's, I always enjoy life, you should know me better, I'm on the same page as you. I promise everything will be ok, it's only me your dealing with. "she said, in what way will everything be ok?" I said, it's not like I fell off the face of the earth, we'll hang out sometime in December. I'm taking my lil sister to your town to an aquirium and I need another person to come help me. My sister wanted to meet you.

She said, like why don't you just say the real reason (she said something like that, in an emotional way) I said (jokingly) cause I need help with the kids, if you can't come it's np. she's like, is that all? Don't you miss me? Me: no I don't, that's why I called you lol. *we laugh* ya, it'd be nice to see you I miss you but if u can't come it's fine (something like that) She said, No I can go.

I also said, if you feel you need to talk I'm here, just txt me if I'm not busy call me and we'll talk. Her: Now you know me (she's shy) what makes you think I'd do that. Me: I know you won't, but I'm giving you that option. Ok. Everything will be ok, I promise. And we said goodbye etc. I'll keep you up to date in when I'll see you. END

I didn't cry at all I did exactly what you guys told me to do, I was more dominant and didn't look bad. I did like minor mistakes here and there and my voice was a bit hesitant and not like powerful, but it got better in the end. In my opinion. I think I did a better job. I was in a good state and not needy. I think I did much better. What do you Gus think?

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