Hi everyone,

new to being a member , but have lurked around the forums reading off and on for months.

I started a new job a few months ago, little coffee shop job nothing special, all young folks in low 20s working here. I immediately started flirting with a coworker, shes a solid 7 or 8, comes off reserved & slightly prude. started as just fun but gained some genuine interest for her recently. Nothing overt, but we developed sexual tension. i also knew that she knew and recognized my flirts , which she didn't mind, and showed some iois. I backed off a bit and tried to gain some rapport , but sensed that she thought i was gaming her, shes been uneasy at times about opening up, but still positive on the flirting end.

anyway, I was working with her recently, I felt strong tension this night,,we were closing up the shop and I jokingly asked how come no one from the shop goes and gets drinks together after work together, after some teasing exchanges she had a bit of an outburst and said in a completely different tone of voice,
"its not that I don't want to hang out with you or something,,,, its just your intentions, I cant mix work and (small pause) "that" (emphasis), im not gonna do that,,"
which caught me off guard a bit, I hadn't asked anything direct or non platonic but yet she gave me such a randomly direct answer that it would make one think I was trying to have sex on the job or doing some really creepy stuff,
I acted surprised and a bit aloof, she backstepped a bit too. It felt like she was trying to hold back, or do some self psychology thing to make it seem like shes not a slut,,,,,,her body language and interest has always been positively receptive to all my flirts . it confused me. im a very vibe/energy type of person, never been that way off on a woman and I don't think its that. I know our work is effecting this, and I think she may think I just want to have sex.Though She did ultimately "agree" to chill with me at some point in the future, not that it has any worth. I think I came off to strong sexually for her liking through all this.

I honestly feel like this girl recognized my nub natural game and wont let it happen, but wont not let it happen either. Last time I worked with her, right after the above story, we were flirting as if our little moment never happened, and she gave more iois. Which is not what I would expect from someone who truly wants nothing to do with me sexually. Which makes me think shit test or that i came off to strong to her, but still have a chance to change things,
Has anyone had success backpedaling and building more comfort? should I just let it go and if something happens in the future whatever,
Or does anyone have a different perspective? I wont let myself get wrapped up or just focus her, but I do like the chick some,

Not too sure what her true intention is, but when she says that you should take it as a shit test. Just say something like "What are you talking about? I just want to get some drinks. Stop fantacising." Make her look like a creep. Then next time she will think twice before she gives you direct rejection like this. And you can then try to take her out and slowly escalate there.

Yeah I did act surprised and said how I meant to go out in a group of coworkers not only her, and how I joke with everyone the same at work so she shouldn't feel like its just her. Like I said, she tried to cover her tracks aswell and said she was just trying to make sure everything was clear, and that we could hang out (unspecified future date). But I know she was just trying to be less socially awkward, think she caught herself off guard a bit. ..
It does seem that she is somewhat socially conscious...

The reasoning for why I think its a shit test is because if she felt as put off as her statement sounded I would expect subconscious negative signals, like moving away instead of closer to me when talking, flinching at kino, not participating in any kino, not laughing at jokes, not maintaining eye contact, etc
all of which shes never done, and actually shoots me iois all the time. Which are never overtly sexual, but if platonic in intention by her, why would she make such a big deal out of just theoretically going out with a group of coworkers ? that doesn't seem like correct behavior, if her iois are platonic in nature she should have no issue hanging out ,


I think the fact that when I worked with her after this incident and acted (and she) as if no rejection had taken place is a big plus. She played along with me great this night, and gave me some of the strongest iois in awhile, still nothing sexual, but not what I would expect from someone who truly wants to distance themselves from me.

Also she seems slightly prudish , could this be an anti-slut defense by her?

Really would appreciate a little more feedback, I need some advice guys

I think it is perhaps not a shit test. She was probably being direct with you. She doesnt want to mix work and "that", which is fair enough. I never date girls at my work place.

My personal understanding of shit test is that they are not intentional test, but the girls are just simply uninterested and want you to fuck off before you even have a chance to sell yourself. All the shit test responses out there servers one simple purpose which is to create a total surprise and embarrass the girls, then hoping that the girl will be intrigued by your confidence and start to pay attention. If that is what you have done, then very good and stop analyzing further. I think what you should do is not to let her become a one itis, because you will only be seen as super creepy at work place. Try ignoring her a few days and see if she comes to you. Or the more aggressive approach is to find some other job, get her number before you quit, ask her out after that. I wouldnt recommend that though, why fuck up your own life or career because of one random bitch.

Here's the thing, I want to land the chick. its not going to be the center of my life or something, and Im still talking to other woman. Heck even at this job I casually flirt with nearly every age appropriate coworker and customer, even in front of the girl im posting about. Point is is that im just taking advantage of every opportunity, and right now I see a chance to bag a HB8, and since im seeing her every now and then no matter what ,might as well try in my view. And No way in hell id EVER quit a job for a chick I barely know, so hopefully you get a little picture of my mind frame.

I worked with her last night, more iois. more rapport, more kino, all very positive. We were acting like good friends at some points, Which is good, I think I need a little comfort/trust.
I was hitting it off with everyone I talked to, including a sorta new female coworker and she saw it. Think she might have even got a tiny bit jealous, as I noticed her flirting with a couple customers and I jokingly brought it up to her, in which she acknowledged it and said it was just fun. Never noticed it before and I think it was directly a response to my behavior that night. She sent me home asking me to look up some band shes really into that she thinks id like,,,,which would indicate to most that shes comfortable with me on a friendly basis right?????

so can u see why I thought her being so super direct to me before was strange? all I had done was made a comment in jest about us coworkers going out for drinks, and after a few teases of mine towards her when she tried an "im always busy maybe sometime" routine, she shoots back with a "id hang out with you, but im not mixing work and sex" (paraphrase)
that's a bit fucking direct no? lol. if she was denying me id expect a typical LJBF type of statement, especially given the FACT that shes never responded negatively physically to flirts, and shows me iois, and continues the same behavior with me after her little outburst???

Doesn't seem like what should happen if shes truly uninterested. I THINK she was just alittle intimidated/uneasy on me and may have thought I pressed too hard sexually or thought I was fake , maybe a slut defense, though that's the whole point of this thread,


Not really worried about looking like creepy or desperate either, I've established DHV and am the leader at work socially. Im the source of good energy, I make everyone comfortable and at ease (almost lol). I would have to do something horrendous to make working awkward,

so the way im seeing it now is that I should be close to having enough friendly trust to get past her slut defenses, I also don't work with her for nearly two weeks and was thinking of shooting her a text to gauge interest.
I have her number but have stayed away from texting because I felt in-person was stronger, though with the friendly nature of our last shift I might give her a text at some point about the band she showed me and try to use that as a gateway to communicating outside of work.

I think that I screwed up abit by not making her feel the distinction that were actually "friends" and not just co-workers, thus putting less pressure/randomness on meeting up. in the past our interaction at work was almost either flirtatious or professional, I believe I skipped a step in making her feel a friendly connection, ,,,as its clear shes not going to openly consent on going on a date with me (or any coworker).

I have to work the angle that were just friends with good flirtatious chemistry, not two people in a explicit courtship i.e. a date,
I know once I get her outside of work everything will be 100x easier. texting a good start? or just continue acting friendly in person and ask her to tag along to an art museum or some shit, opinions appreciated.

Tl;dr after first post. I can tell you where you first fucked up. She told you explicitly that she was thinking about you and her having sex. It was a possibility for her, but "work" was in the way.

That was her asd talking, of course.

Her body doesnt care if shes thought of as promiscuous, she was attracted to you. But her mind fed her that work excuse. Your main objective should have been disarming her ASD, and you probably could have laid her that night.

Technique critique aside, remember Work where women abundant is like an apple tree. Once you decide to cut the tree down(sleep with a co worker) it'll take a while for it to grow back..if it ever does.

_________________
Two words: Carpe Diem

The irony is: If you stop chasing her and loose all interest she will most likely chase you. Funny things women.

I don't believe she knows if im chasing vs just fun

as I noted in my last shift with her I was flirting with woman all around , and would include her often. I think this got the message across that theres nothing special in my SPAM of her, and created playful jealously. She even flirted with a couple male customers,,which I found funny of course, new behavior.

Thanks for the perspective, im leaning to yours being much more on point than mine.

With that being said should I just wait till we work again and ask her to come along somewhere, or continue to try and build this sorta friendliness that im currently doing in order for her to put her guard down enough so that there is not much social pressure on us hanging.
Like I said previously once we get out of work I know itll be much easier (either way it goes), and I wouldn't call this friend zoning myself, way too much tension ,

Also should I try texting or just continue ignoring that aspect, and with regards to mixing sex and work, this isn't a career, 1-2year type, and even if things were to go sour I could handle the situation, I wouldn't let working become awkward.

To get past her ASD of not seeing coworkers do I have to gain more rapport? do I freeze her out randomly and see where that leads? Do I just continue escalating until her body language changes, ask her out again during a high note and be more commanding ?

I really think this a good practice opportunity as I have to see the woman no matter what, and ive never been in this type of situation so sorry for the noobness,