| Hunter and Xoved, I went thru with it... I'm surprised at what happen. I'll explain.
She txt'ed me that morning saying, she couldn't see me cause she was sick, I called her, she couldn't answer cause she had training. She calls me back when she's in lunch, I tell her I'm gonna' be in her area anyway and I just want to talk with her for 10 minutes, she agrees.
I go to Ny, she txts me when to come over, it's 5:00. She comes in my car upset because she argued with her parents and fought with them. She slept in class and her parents called her and she didn't answer. So, I tell her, you need to relax, your too upset. So, I start joking with her a bit to relieve her stress... Cause I know what's coming next. She didn't want to leave her house but I told her I'm going down the street and just wanted to get away from her family. I park the car, down the street, asking her if she wants to eat she said no, but at the same time she had hunger pains. I then told her, lets go in the back of my car I need to talk, she thought I meant to fool around. I said, I didn't come all this way for Sex haha. I promise, and she came back.... Here's where it started.
I told her this, "I've been feeling this instinct lately but I didn't pay attention to it, I ignored it, but recently I thought more about it. I went on Okc, to see who's new on there and See you on, so I said, Oh look there she is! Then I realized, wait? She still uses this? Why would she be talking to other guys?" "What am i suppose to think? Shes on there talking to girls lol." She sorta became defesive. I was on there just to check messages, and tell them I'm seeing someone. Would u like to log in my profile, " I said, "How do you expect me to believe that? I don't trust girls easily, it's earned." She explained, "1. We're not official, so that's my privacy. 2. You should trust me etc.. I sent all those other guys packing. I haven't dated other guys." I said, "Yes, but you flirt with them" she jokingly said, "I flirt with everyone lol." "Im not talking to other guys." I said. where is our relationship going? You want to play games with me, and you hv commitment issues. What am I suppose to do? Say ok, I should fall in love with this girl? I'd be stupid to do that." Eventually, I realized I might hv been wrong, (I could tell by her body lang) she seemed to really care for me and honestly wasnt seeing other guys or dating them. I thought I made a mistake.
She brung up our different cultures and religions and how her family would abandone her if she ever married me. And she's like maybe we should stop seeing each other. I said, "I don't want to do this, but I have too, it's time for me to go, I can't see you anymore." We both started crying. She didn't want to leave me, she said, were both crying for each other, we shouldn't break up. Your the first guy, I actually cried over. I invested in you."
I DLV'ed her, I started weeping more than her, my voice got soft.. It got weak. She got angry with me and wouldn't let me touch her, I said I understand. You hv that right. Hit me scream at me, do what you want. She slapped me. I said, is that the best you got? So she slapped me as hard as she could. I didn't say a word. She then went into different modes, denial, anger, affection, than anger. I cried more, I tried to control it the best I could. She said, "I didn't think I'd lose you, I wasn't in love with you but I loved you." I said, "I hv to, cause of your commitment issues. What?! You think I'm crying for myself?? I care about you. I said, maybe we can work it out. We're both new to LTR we just hv issues all that matters is if you still want to see me. Look at me, do you still want to see me?" Her: "I don't know.. Not anymore ." I said, "ok at least your honest. If you don't want to you'll never hv to see me again."
We took a break from talking, I went and got her food, (she gave me 3$ she had to get her something). We talked more again. I said, weeping, "I tried not to fall in love with you, I thought if I did and you'd leave me, I'd kill myself" I didn't mean that literally. "she said, that means your weak. I said, I'm a lot of things but I'm not weak, if loving someone is bad than fine, I'm evil. I said, The more I seen you the more I had to pull back, I hv a calluses heart, I've been told by girls 'I love you' 'I care for you' so much I can't tell the difference. I'm confused." She said, "look give me a label, what are we?" I waivered I didn't want to break up with her. I said, lets just be friends. She said, you think you can still be around me and not care for me? I said no..
She eventually said, look since your not taking control of things I will, she went on, I interrupted her and spoke louder. She said, your free from me." I said Free? Is that how you see our relationship like a ball and chain, like it's just restrictive?" she said, she didn't mean it that way... I tried to DHV, I said, girls hv thrown themselves at me, literally screaming for me to talk to them but all I could think if was you (she smiled) do you know why? I said, I can't hurt her that way. 5 minutes ago 4 girls all were talking to me at a candy store, I didn't care. I was good to you and honest I hv nothing to hide." I sort if put the blame on her I guess, realizing its not my fault. I said, I'm not perfect though, after talking with you I realized I hv intimacy issues. I don't let ppl in cause I'm afraid they'll hurt me.
We realized we both stay away from our family's in our room and when it came time to letting ppl in our works we couldn't.
Eventually this happen, I gained control and said something smart. I said, "I hv to reserve my feeling for you, I can't continue to see you if you hv commitment issues." She's like, can we be friends with benefits lol. I joked and said sure lol. I know you want to make up for lost time and start meeting a lot if guys to gain experiences. I said, until you take care if this issue I can't see you. Lets take a break, we'll be friends if I'm in the area we'll hang out if we're free whatever, I'll give you time to get these desires out if your system. I'm not giving you an ultimatum, take as much time as you need. I'll call you one day and see how you feel. If you are still the same way, I'll know what I hv to do." But keep in mind, I'm not going to look at a clock waiting for you to change, what were the things I said to you at the park?" Her: Your time is not to be wasted, And your nobody's fool" me: exactly.
I than DLV'ed again by bringing up religion (but apologizing cause it had no place in the convo) and how breaking up with someone you love is worster pain than the muscle disease I hv. Stupid I know.
I'm immune to beautiful woman, it's nothing for me, I've seen them so much idc anymore. She said. You hv to fix me. I said, that's not my job, your not my Gf (I gained a bit of power) you hv to fix yourself. She said that's just the way I am, but I hv to do this.but how?" I said, go and see other ppl, so them so much that you'll be bored of it. We can still be friend and we both said its possible that we wouldn't want to see each other any more or that she can say she's done with all that and she wants to see me."
I hope you get the picture.
And we can be FwB till then. At one point she's like, I just want to see you, forget those guys. But eventually said THIS: "As much as I hate to admit it... Your right. Because of my issues, I'd probably leave you (I told her I was afraid she leave me. Just mentioning that) and get bored. So it's best were friends for now. She was mature and admited I'm right and eventually she's her bored and move on. I said, that don't fly with me. Do you know how many girls would like to be in your place? And we be shocked I considered settling down. She said, "I know, I'm lucky to hv you."
To shorten things, she really did care for me, wasnt dating other guys (but desired to) and could t believe she lost me. She still gave IOI's, stroking my hair, gazing at me, touching my face. She made me promise that I'd still see her again and not lie and that we both can txt each other and call each other. I made sure she understood before she left. We even kissed a bit here and there but I kissed her and pulled away and left. So I feel I did the right thing, I can still be friends with her and in time see if she still cares for me and once she tries to get all if tay out of her system I'll ask her where she's at and we'll either continue, part or be friends. I cried a lot cause I told her I had to detach myself from her and that this happen before with another girl I wanted to marry so I couldn't let girls in since then.
I sort of DHV'ed and DLV'ed too, give me the benefit of the doubt, I didn't do as bad as you guys might think, I'm just fast to admit my faults, I said some good things to and was logical I didn't say too many stupid things. But she said she still cares for me and she held me telling me she didn't want me to leave. It started to snow, we both took it as a good sign and we left. Only time will tell. I'll find out if her feeling were real. I feel content with how it went and positive abt it. I said its part of being a man, taking responsibility snd doing something i HV TO but dont WANT TO. On the good side I could see other girls.
Important: how do you guys think I did? It was hard to control my emotions, I did the best I could and I feel I took a step further to being a man. But I rather hear your guys opinion. Thanks to all of you who cared enough to comment. If you hv any questions just ask. _________________ "Be the flame, not the moth." - Casanova
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then you both win, hahah.