I went a way with a girl for a few nights who I have been dating for a few weeks now. On the first night away we got drunk and we made out and went to the bedroom however I wasn’t able to get hard. I had also jerked off earlier in the day as all my worries had been not being able to last and it turned out to be the opposite.

I had quite a sore stomach after the first night’s drinking for the next two days. Anyway the next day I wasn’t feeling any excitement but we tried again same result and the same result the next day.

My question is whether this is simply down to my stupid decisions of jerking off on the first day and getting drunk and the fact that it was supposed to be the first time?

I have to say that anytime I’ve made out with her before I’ve always got hard.

Any advice would be great as I am feeling rather shit and guilty about the whole thing, but have resisted the urge to say to her that I feel guilty which I am assuming is the right way to go.

Thanks

I know its difficult to do but you have to try to stop thinking about it. Just relax next time you are around her and do what comes naturally. Don't put all this pressure on yourself about something that is almost bound to happen.

It's probably just because you're nervous about it. Just don't worry about it! Also, if your under stress it can be harder to get it up, so limit stress in your life.

1. Stop watching porn and jerking off. Getting turned on by a woman is completely different than getting turned on by porn. Porn just stimulates your brain... real sex stimulates your whole body.

2. Stop getting drunk. Alcohol dehydrates you. In order to get your dick hard, you have to be hydrated.

I doubt very much that this incident was to do with masturbating. You can probably masturbate twice a day no problem, so it's not that your junk cannot get up more than once a day anymore (a problem at a certain age!). It may well have been linked to the alcohol - it treats everyone differently, if it was making you feel ill for days afterwards, then you were obviously very drunk, so could well have been that.

Ever heard about self-fulfilling prophecies? Basically, the harder you try to avoid something, the closer it comes to becoming reality.

The more you think about it, the more nervous you get and that raises the probability of failure. Just forget about it and move on. It was a one time deal.

Also, learn oral and finger techniques. If done right these are very effective ways to please a lady.

Hey man,

I used to deal with this same exact problem.. It still makes it's way into my conscious now, but I've just learned to beat it back once it does.

The first time was probably just a drunk fluke, it had nothing to do with you jerking off, even though you shouldn't be jerking off. But anyway after the first time you made the mistake of blaming yourself and letting the pressure get to you. So the next time you went to have sex with her, you had that " What if i don't get hard" ringing in your mind which will stop you from getting an erection everytime.

The only thing that can stop this is confidence. What I mean by that is, be vocal about it.. Don't let it haunt your consciousness. Bring it to the surface and talk about it; that alone will reduce all of its power. Laugh about it, don't let it rule you and give you negative emotions because then it whens.

Its a direct result of being in your head.. When all of your energy is in your head; none of it is in your penis. When you start to be vocal, you drop the energy out of your head, into your throat and gut to help you communicate.

Let me know if this helps.

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Generally, if you are young, which sounds like you are, it's purely mental. Stop worrying about it and it will stop happening.

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By the third time I was in the bathrom trying to talk myself so I think it was a bit mental.

I'm going take on board all of the advice, including not drinking, jerking off etc.

But i'm a little worried that the there'll be a hangover when I try to do it again next time. Is there anything anyone can recommend doing to relax leading up to it?

Joey - when you talk about verbalising do you mean I should be joking with her about it?

Thanks Guys

The only problem I've ever had is not being able to cum. Which involved alcohol.

Don't masturbate for a week before sex. Avoid alcohol. Don't stress about it. Sex should be relaxed and fun. You can ramp it up and get more intense after you've laid her a few more times, but right now you need to chillout and stop jacking it.

Don't worry, just increase the foreplay. Make out hard, lick her nipples, give her oral while she is sucking you may help. Increase the foreplay until you get hard.

So I thought I'd give an update on where I have got to and seek more advice.

So we've only recently had the opportunity for sex again this time at her house. I did have a two bottles of beer before meeting up with her.

So back at her place we were making out in the living room and I was hard, then when we went to her bedroom it was freezing and took a while to get warmed up again.

I was sucking on her nipples and rubbing her pussy, but all this time I could only get about halfway hard again.

It doesn't appear to be drink related if I got hard in the living room.

Has anyone got any other thoughts as this is my fourth failed attempt....need serious help guys!

Dude get some KY jelly slap that shit on your dick when its half hard and then insert into her vagina. I guarantee after a couple pumps you will be hard and relaxed.

Worried there'll be a hangover next time you drink? Or related to the sex? I don't understand.... if you mean you're worried you'll get a hangover next time you drink, you may well do. I've recently gone off alcohol altogether. It really does no good for you whatsoever. I'm not going to get preachy, because I've had some ridiculous nights and some stupidly funny stories which came about because of alcohol, but it should be a once every now and then thing that you get so drunk you've got bad hangovers. If you can, I'd advise sticking to a couple of drinks here and there - no hangover, no "whisky dick", no not being able to come (which I agree Hunter - I can usually go all night, I suppose it's because your feeling and nerve endings are numb from the booze), and far better for you general well being!

Thanks for the comments. So I've been reading around it and this would be my first proper girlfriend and in the years before it I watched a lot of porn!

The articles I've read suggest that by watching too much porn you become desensitized and when you’re actually with a lady it doesn't do it for you. This is what I'm kinda experiencing, there are moments of arousal and then not.

So it looks to be back to what Majikal was saying about stop watching porn and jerking off.

Has anyone else had a similar experience and did stopping watching porn/jerking off solve the problem?

Thanks