So I've been doing internet dating for a few years now, and though I sucked at it initially I've changed my profile and strategies countless times, and I'm starting to get pretty good at getting numbers from it, and I thought I'd share some of my strategies and also open up any comments or criticisms people might have because I'm always learning and up for any ideas in terms of fine tuning. A lot of these tips are not my own, but I'll share what's been working anyway regardless of the sources.

Firstly the picture, which we all know is a huge deal in terms of whether a girl clicks on your profile after reading your initial message. The best advice I think you can find here is an OkCupid study which I can't link because I'm a new user, but do a Google search for OkCupid myths profile pictures and you'll find it. This actually shatters a lot of illusions people have, for instance apparently shirtless guys actually get better responses if their physique is good up to a certain age. Crazy right? I'm not entirely convinced on that one. But yeah, when I've followed some of the tips there I've done way better response wise. The advice regarding looking slightly away and not smiling is very effective for a main picture and the tips about background focus etc are also worth a look.

Secondly the profile itself. Now what I'm finding works best for me is to purposefully leave it vague and let the woman fill in the gaps, i.e. I'm messaging a lot of different girls whether alternative, conservative etc. and it needs to be able to appeal to both. So nothing that could be a red flag, the idea here is that attraction gets built around the messages and not the content of your profile because you will never be able to appeal to everyone with it. It's good to just drop in a couple of typically alpha characteristics you have such as ambition, drive and to appear a bit picky with what you're looking for but not overly so. I would also advise mentioning in your profile that you would rather meet somewhere for a coffee and not a pressured date, this will lower a girls defences and suggest that you want to screen her and not the other way around.

And that's the key. You're the one screening. There should be nothing in your profile, or your messages that either suggests you are seeking approval based on what you drive, how much you bench press, how much you earn, or that you are a sweet, sensitive guy blah blah blah. You're just a busy guy with an interesting life on there for the sake of curiosity. You should also never compliment a girl, especially not physically, in an initial message and in fact never compliment a girl on her appearance full stop no matter how much you've chatted online. It comes across as insincere and needy, how can you tell she looks amazing from a couple of pictures anyway? It's also what everyone else does. You're just there for fun and because there was a gap in your hectic life, so you're online sparking conversation with anyone that catches your eye and you don't care what comes of it.

Which brings me to the initial message. Pick something that stands out as being random or different in her profile and joke a little about it. You didn't message her because you think she is amazing, you messaged her because she is dressed like a pirate in a halloween picture and because you want to know if she's actually really a pirate and if she is, does she have a parrot? Does she have a cool pirate name? That kind of thing. You need to make it sound like you're not trying to pick her up, same as if you're out in the real world I guess. Has she got a drink in her hand in a picture? You can ask her if she's a raging alcoholic, there's nothing wrong with being mildly insulting and shit testing her in a playful way, it will get her attention and if she's not got a sense of humour about it (most do, a few don't) well then why would you want to talk to her anyway? It will also turn the tables and make her start trying to prove herself to you which she is totally not used to doing on internet dating, but she will, trust me. Then maybe just pick up on something that's clearly important to her and talk about it a little but don't get too over the top about it. You're pointing out you have a shared interest and that you have a unique perspective on it, but you don't feel the need to impress her because of it. Oh you're passionate about music? Yeah I've been listening to this amazing band lately that you probably haven't heard of you should check them out etc. If at all possible take it away from a dating message entirely. A great one for example, is when a girl asks for a 'partner in crime' in her headline. What's your response? 'Great! What's the caper? Are we robbing a bank? Hijacking a truck full of candy bars? Do I need to wear a mask? I'm in!'. Or if a girl doesn't put her profession, don't ask her what it is, make a ridiculous guess based on clues in her pictures, say that it's more fun if you guess and she can tell you if you're right or not. Is she pictured in a cool car? Well then clearly she must be a top secret agent (but of course you must then ask her not to shoot you if you just blew her cover!). Make a game of it and make her genuinely laugh.

Ok so you sent her a slightly cheeky message, mentioned a shared interest, maybe shit tested her a little (I like asking a girl her favourite colour M&M, but let her know that if she chooses incorrectly then that's a deal breaker!) and invited her to chat in a casual way without expectation, chances are then she's looked at your profile. Most dating sites will show you who has viewed you or not so this is a great indication of how successful your opening message is and if there's no red flags then you've then got a very good chance she'll message back.

Firstly, don't waste your time with anyone who gives a one line response. Too much hard work and they're expecting you to chase them further or they just messaged you to be polite cos they're one of these weird people that responds to everyone, even if they don't want like the look of you. Secondly if you've been a bit cheeky you'll get some girls that will get massively defensive because either they have no sense of humour or they are just there for the attention so they are outraged because you're not there telling them how amazing they are. They have no intention of meeting anyone anyway, forget it. Also, if you don't get a response for a while, don't chase her, and when she finally messages you if it's worth your time then leave it a bit too. Maybe even wait until the following day before you respond. It's always a possibility when a girl doesn't message for a while that she's just shit testing you to see how desperate you are to talk to her so keep that in mind.

This leaves the girls who read your message, it made them laugh, they didn't dislike your profile and you know what? You took the time to message them properly so they're gonna send you a proper message back. Perfect. When you get here, you are now looking at in my estimation around a 50% number close rate if you do it properly. And how do you do it properly? Simple. Answer a few of her questions in a playful way and then you just casually ask for her number like it's no big deal to you which it isn't. You are a busy busy guy, you don't have time to get to know someone over the internet, you'd rather just meet someone for a coffee and see what happens like real people do. Do not waste time messaging back and forth, the more this happens the more beta you look and the slower her responses will be until you don't get any back at all. If she's prepared to number close over the internet then she'll do it on her second response. And if she doesn't. Stop. Do not waste any more time with her, move on to the next one. Every now and then by the way you will do this and you'll get a message out of the blue from her saying something like oh actually you know what I think I will give you my number because you seem normal and when you do this is golden because she is chasing after you. Why did she do this? Because you walked away when she wouldn't take it from an internet fantasy world to the real world. So basically it goes like this, your initial message, her reply, your reply along with number close. Do not ask for her number in your first message because guys do this all the time and you won't get it, and why should you, she hasn't even replied to you yet so you're just being desperate.

So what's the conclusion here? I guess a lot of it for me is about mindset. The goal is to basically show her you're just a really busy, selective, playful guy who doesn't take online dating too seriously (unlike the other 99 losers in her inbox that day) but that you're also capable of interesting conversation about something she's into but not in a way that looks like you're after her approval for it. Hint at hidden depths in messages but don't go overboard with it like she needs to know how deep you can be. And that you're not bothered if she replies to you or not. You're not. If you are then she won't reply anyway, period, because she'll be able to read between the lines. Then number close.

Are these strategies perfect? No. Are they all my own? No. But they work for me and I'm getting at least a couple of numbers a night from it which to anyone that has tried internet dating, isn't too bad? Comments, criticisms and suggestions of all kinds welcome.