I am recently seeing my ex who for about 5 months now. We dated 2 years ago for about 3 months and broke up because I was overly beta and weak. We've known each other for 4 years.

Things have been great since we've gotten back together. When we dated before she denied the sex. It's only till recently that she is opened to us having sex. We are in a long distance relationship as I have had to move to find work.

Girl:

Basically she's a HB7 confident 'good girl' who knows what she wants. She has a sense of humor, respects me and is crazy about me. Basically she's the type of woman I want around. Ofcourse there are some parts of her personality which do piss me off at times but who can find a perfect woman? She's also had to move away from home since we're in the same field of work

I have been working on my personality to stop being overly beta in relationships and towards women in general and it has been working until recently. Our relationship has advanced to the stage where we have discussed the possibly of spending the rest of our lives together and having kids etc and also meeting each others parents when I come home.

Symptoms:

Lately however she seems to not be herself. I asked her about this and she explained to me that she really misses home and her family etc. Basically her paradigm in this relationship seems to have shifted. I am noting subtle differences in the way we text where terms of endearment are starting to be retracted from her text and speech shorter and cold texts now and again. I agree that I have been overly beta LATELY in the sense that I'm calling her too damn much especially in the past week where it seems she's down and not herself I call to check up if she's okay and us talking about how we really care about each other and the relationship saying sweet things and being too available. Since our work requires us to be busy its impossible to sit and text all day or rather a message here and there and move on this leaves her telling me I haven't been giving her attention. She tells me how much she misses me and can't wait to screw my lights out when she sees me.

She pulled a deadly shit test recently which I failed upon. She told me she has been absent minded dude to the heavy situation I have brought forward especially in the light of the recent conversation we had about spending our lies together though. When I texted here said it was nothing and being the beta I phoned her and asked her what was up again and of course she said nothing and I moved on immediately. Though before I ended the call i told her to always be open with me and not be afraid to share things which bother her.

Not over analyzing but could this be 1 of 3 scenarios:

1. She might be trying to push me away so that I'll be the one to end things with her cause I can't bare being with someone like this. (Shit Test)

2. She might use this as an excuse later and whenever she emotionally unavailable use the "you know I miss my family card'' which will of course lead to No.1

3. Just another ploy to get me to give her attention. (Shit test) which will lead to no.1

I do like this woman and want her around however I've let her know countless times that I care about her but if she wants to leave my door is always opened. I don't believe in orbiting over nonsense if a woman is not worth it give her the boot.

Firstly Am I losing control? Am I simply developing a severe case of one-itis OR Am I being over analytical and could the best remedy be to step back and not fear losing her and not give in to her emotional blackmail. I agree that she has changed a lot since I have become ever so nice to her and needy. (BETA)

Dragon

I think this post could be analyzed forever because the amount of moving parts in a relationship is almost impossible to monitor subjectively.

So my gut instinct says that there has been a shift in balance that she isn’t able to cope with effectively. I say this because if she has issues and you are not acutely aware that she’s changed a bit, then that means there is a communication issue. Maybe she feels nervous about talking to you about it? Maybe she feels like you don’t understand? Regardless, the one thing that isn’t a “maybe”, is that you guys need to talk.

Regarding your beta behavior, I always think there is a thin line between being AFC/BETA and be a really loving bf/husband. Which means you might have to balance more of your behavior out so she doesn’t start thinking you’re just an emotional, nice guy. They say girls dig “bad boys” for a reason: they don’t want nice and considerate ALL THE TIME. That’s the illusion with all of this. A bad boy gets far until a certain phase in the relationship, but gets left out when it requires depth or commitment. So every man has a balancing act to do or else they are going to lose their significant other (which is what we SHOULD be thinking anyways). And that goes for women too. Clingy-ass women might be ok for the short term, but its pretty damn tiring when it continues right?

Things to consider:

When is the last time you properly took her out on a date? Sometimes this type of “effort” helps.

Give her a little more space (to be congruent with her schedule and texting tendencies) and see what happens. Does anything change? Or more importantly, does everything remain the same?

Consider what you have to offer; you getting lazy and not hitting the gym? Leaving the house dirty? And I mention this because women have an exquisite ability to ignore tendencies they hate about you (while letting it build up) and let them explode when it’s too late in the relationship. So maybe take a look at some of the smaller things that could be contributing to this situation.

Most of all, communication is waning. Part of it is because of the distance, and by part I mean big part. Because how many times in your life have you hashed out issues by going to somebodys house…or even dramatically waiting in the rain at their doorstep? All of that can be done when there are no distance hurdles. You’ll have to think about how this distance is going to affect your relationships going forward.

Just wanted to comment on the below:

1. She might be trying to push me away so that I'll be the one to end things with her cause I can't bare being with someone like this. (Shit Test)

This would be extremely juvenile of her, which in that case, you can move on knowing she can’t be straight-forward with you; thus making her a bad candidate to be your soul mate anyways.

2. She might use this as an excuse later and whenever she emotionally unavailable use the "you know I miss my family card'' which will of course lead to No.1

Again, if she is being vague and won’t open up to you, then its time to consider whether this relationship is going to work. On the other hand, she could be very upset about missing her family, it doesn’t always have to be an excuse for her to use.

3. Just another ploy to get me to give her attention. (Shit test) which will lead to no.1

All of your points are pretty negative in nature, which leads me to believe that you see the writing on the wall. Do you?

Good luck man.

The thin line behind being beta versus being a good partner is intent.

If you're worried about her demeanor because you care about her, you're a good partner. You're an alpha, protecting those who are close to you.

If you're worried about her demeanor because you're insecure or afraid of losing her, you're beta.

At this juncture, regardless of of what the angle was for your behavior, it needs to stop. Get it right in your mind that you care about her, but you don't need her. You want her, but you don't need her. And I'd tell her that you feel things are different, you feel like you've done what you can as a caring bf to help make right what is wrong. It's up to her to finish making it right or to move on.

Show some strength, get your head right. If you do all the right things for the right reasons and she leaves, it is her loss, not yours. And she actually did you a favor. This would be your opportunity to be free to find someone who appreciates you doing the right things for the right reasons. Game on.

Good luck.

Thanks for the advice guys. After speaking to her things were going well until recently.

I don't know if it's just me but I have a very strict phone etiquette ritual about returning phone calls and I get worked up when people don't return my phone calls I find it disrespectful. I'm trying hard to work on this. We've had a few fights over this but this time I'd pulled the final straw. I know I shouldn't do this but I flipped again. Well we haven't been speaking for a few days in my mind this relationship is done. Another lesson learnt and moving on to improve in the next relationship.

Dragon