Hi guys.

So I was exclusive with this girl for 2 months. The first month was great. She was very much into me and we had a great sex life. She was initiating plenty with date set ups/contact. She did warn me that when she gets busy and stressed with her degree, she takes all day to text and call everyone back. I thought, Cool, at least she's giving me the heads up. Anyways, 1 month into the relationship and she would randomly disappear off the face of the earth for 2-3 days. It genuinely wasn't just with me, but with everyone in her life. Anyways, I began to get very frustrated with even attempting to contact her. We had a talk and I asked her what was up. She responded with "I do want to contact you, but if I do, then I will want to talk for longer or text you back. I need to keep myself free from distractions so I can continue to do well in school." I basically explained that I could understand that. However, she needed to let me know when she was busy and wouldn't be in contact. She said she couldn't do that, that she wouldn't want to stop talking to me once she started. I asked her how long she would dissapear for and she responded with 1 week max. I told her that that wasn't going to work with me if she couldn't afford me the courtesy of at least letting me know that she was busy and was going to pull a "Houdini" stunt for the next little bit. (It should be noted that I do let her take the initiative about half the time. I wasn't constantly attempting to contact her when she disappeared. I would send a text during the day. Call her once at night and then wait for her to reach out again.) I also learned that she has never had a relationship with a guy that lasted more than three months. (Except for 1 on again, off again that lasted 5 years of her youth. That guy cheated on her 25ish times in that relationship.)

1 week later and she phoned me again looking to get back together. I asked her if anything was going to change. She said "no". Anyways, I told her I would be game to hang out/have sex but I wasn't going to be exclusive with her or be her boyfriend. She agreed but sounded very pissed and short with me. I attempted to re-friend her on Facebook but she ignored it. Cool.

Basically...I do miss her and wish I could be with her. However, her actions seem completely disrespectful to me. She IS this way with everyone. But everyone is not her boyfriend in which she initiated a committed relationship. Am I wrong or needy in feeling this way or expecting this sort of communication??? I don't understand what planet this would be acceptable behaviour on. She is apologetic but seems to think because she treats everyone this way that I should be accepting of it.

Am I wrong or making a bigger deal of this then it is??

Thanks guys!

You are not needy. You told her what you want. She had a choice to make up her mind. She seems to want to have her cake and it eat it too. So your plan to just keep her as a fuck buddy seems reasonable.

Go and find a girl who respects you more. Nothing else to do here. I know girls can be busy with degree / school etc. but this is not OK behaviour. You can do better than this.

Halfway through reading this, I was planning a response which was going to be along the lines of "she sounds like hassle, what are you even doing putting effort into getting her back?"

So, I'm glad to see what you put in the final couple of paragraphs! Like you say, she is being just disrespectful to be honest. If you cared about someone enough to be in a relationship with them, it wouldn't be that hard to drop them a text even if it's just one for the whole day or so saying "sorry, I'm a bit busy at the moment, I'll ring you tomorrow" or something like that.

Now don't get me wrong, if you're pestering her wanting to know where she is every minute of the day etc. then that's different - that's too needy. But that doesn't sound like what is happening here. She's probably not being offensive to you. She probably is just like that. But if you can't deal with that in a relationship, then you shouldn't deal with that. Plenty of other girls who would have the curtesy to let you know they're busy and can't talk etc.

You did right in saying you're happy to keep having sex with her, but you're not going to get into a relationship with her if she isn't going to respect you and come up to the standards you expect of a girl in a relationship. Now it's up to her - she steps up and you get a good relationship, you get casual sex with her, or she calls it all off and you go and find a more compatible chick for a relationship. You're happy either way!

I think you did the right thing. From what you said, I think you acted completely alpha about this. You put some standards, and they are reasonable standards really, you are not asking her to worship you or anything, and she didnt rise up to these standards, so you broke it off. You put your happiness and comfort first, way to go my friend .

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. What you had to say definitely gave me some peace and satisfaction regarding my decision.

man, I don't want to discourage you, but are you sure she had only exams then?

I was in a similar situation with a girl telling me she had the "hardest time of her life" because of loosing a job and searching for a knew one (which unfortunately for me was true so I bought the rest) and that is why she did not see me or contact me. Little by little I learned she had her ex to visit her, first she said it was only a coffee, the next version is that he slept at her place and left with the first bus in the morning, and after some months of a break up with her I learned she had sex with him during those days.

I am not saying your girl is the same, but would you disappear on a girl you really liked and not worry what would she think and do during those days?

Hope you will manage well!

Meh, my intuition was never suggestive of her being unfaithful. I wasn't the only one who had these complaints about her. I did hear the same thing from all of her family members frequently. Regardless, I haven't heard anything from her since I broke off the relationship. Whether she was cheating or not is no longer relevant it seems. The whole situation sucks. I feel content with my decision but definitely not with the situation. What's done is done they say! I'll be back at it soon Thanks for the kind words.

You have the right attitude, if it's over then it's over. No need to speculate. I have a slight gut feeling my ex may have had unresolved feelings for her close male "friend" but we're no longer together. That's the headline. Smart people move forward and fools wait around looking for answers