So I have been on 3 dates with this girl who I have known but not spoken to for a year. We have been facebook friends since the time she was with her ex and finally got to take her out a few weeks ago.

I do really fancy her and we get on quite well. 1st date was a drink in a bar.. 2nd date we went out on a Friday night.. had really good fun. took her bowling, for a bite to eat (casual, nothing fancy) and then onto a club.
She texted me when she got home to thank me for a great night and that we should meet again soon.
We texted during the week and I asked when she was free. She said she wasn't sure but would let me know.
Eventually she texted me and asked if I was free on Sunday to come to her side of town.
Sunday was yesterday. She booked a table at a restaurant and we had lunch - she paid. Nice touch.
We went for a walk after that to a place she loves to walk down and then onto a pub to have a drink.
On all three dates we have been kissing and getting close. She hasn't said anything (emotionally) but the kissing was enough in that respect.

So we are sitting there and its all going fine. I did mention it was rare for me to go on a 3rd date as I find it hard to find girls I really like.
She asked what I was up to in the week and I made up some stuff to sound busy but that I was free on a certain day.. I then asked when she was free and she hesitated. She then dropped a bit of a bombshell about the 'ex'. I kind of already knew this but she dated some guy for a year and a half and it was the only time she has ever truly been in love. She said she find it hard to get him out of her mind and feels/needs some headspace so didn't want to arrange anything for the week. He dumped her and she is clearly not over it. I asked if she thought they would date again. She said its dead and buried as far as that is concerned.
They had been dating for 1.5 years. they finished 2 months ago.

I told her that's fine.. I tried to come across as laid back as I could about it.. and said things like.. 'no worries.. I don't mind if I don't see you for a couple of weeks... its no problem and there is no pressure'..
I asked her if she had any reservations about me and she didn't really give an answer.. just saying it was the ex. I did say to her.. 'how would you feel if I went on a date with another girl this week'.. her reply was
'Well its fine for people to keep dating until they are really sure they want to be with that person... but if you were shagging around then that would be different'.
She did at one point mention (I think I asked her if she enjoyed hanging out with me) - that she thought I was good fun. On the date she also mentioned I was funny and I have also been a help to her in her work with some solid advice.

A few mins later (and after a true story about how I stole some guys girlfriend who she didn't like) we were back to kissing .. she was stroking my chest etc.. all affectionate and like the conversation never took place.
I even wander if my relaxed attitude made her come closer (or not -who knows). Half an hour later, and as planned, she had to go and we said goodbye - she didn't say anything about seeing me again but obviously we can always text to meet up again. Incidentally, I know she is on a couple of dating sites and has logged on in the last week although she didn't log on in first two weeks since I first saw her.

Up to now her texts have been infrequent but I have always played it cool by only texting her back 1 text to every 1 text of hers so have not been desperate in that way.

For anyone telling me to plough on and find other girls, sure.. that I will try and do and see what happens.. but I would like to know thoughts on this situation etc..

thanks

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here to learn.. thats all.

No F-close?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Fair question...

After the 2nd date I texted her to invite her over. Said I would cook for her. Her response was 'Sounds lovely for another day.. for the moment I would prefer to meet out and about' - hence meeting on the Sunday. I fully acknowledge the need to get into her knickers asap.
2nd date I did also ask her back to my place . reply - sounds tempting but I am going home.

The only thing we did do, apart from kissing, was talk abit out sex and got her to confess a few previous naughties.. I asked her on the 3rd date if she was worried about me shagging her if I cooked her dinner and she smiled and said yes. I will try again anyway for next time..

_________________
here to learn.. thats all.

She's using you.

It's way worse than the Friendzone.

She likes all the attention and validation of being taken out on dates.

She has no intention of sleeping with you.

She's probably still fucking her ex.

NEXT her immediately, to save yourself from confusion and pain later on.

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For my unfiltered rants on Game and Gender Dynamics, check out "The Mask And Rose:"
http://themaskandrose.wordpress.com

Thanks for the reply..

Might sound like a difficult question to answer.. but, if its what you say, do you think she would be using anyone in my position due to the ex or do you think she thinks I am not a good fit for her?..

_________________
here to learn.. thats all.

Wow, that is a hard question!

I would guess, from what you've posted here, that she is using several guys (of whom you are one) in order to try and tool her ex.

Like, she's probably flaunting all these other "dates" in his face, to get him to try and reconsider being with her.

It's Girl Game. Social Proof and Preselection were taken from Girl World, they're feminine tools.

She's trying to boost her value in her ex's eyes by showing that other guys want her.

Is my best guess.

I hope that helps.

_________________
For my unfiltered rants on Game and Gender Dynamics, check out "The Mask And Rose:"
http://themaskandrose.wordpress.com

I just wanted to put an update on this..

So after we last met (10 days ago).. I didn't hear from her. I left it as she wanted headspace and then on the following Friday I texted her a hello. She replied back very enthusiastically and we have been texting/chatting since.
She puts kisses 'X' on the end of her texts and always asks questions etc..

I have asked her now a couple of times to meet and she replies with 'I will call you later'. She does call and we chat. I think Saturday she was hinting at meeting but I couldn't as I had plans. I did try and contact her late on the evening but she didn't respond. When I spoke to her on the phone the next day, she hinted that she thought I was after a booty call hence her not replying.

So I tried once more yesterday (second consecutive time) to arrange a meet. She called me in the evening and we chatted a bit before I had to go. Again I asked her to meet on phone and she kind of said her head is not in the right place for the next few weeks or so..

I thought to myself 'fuck this'.. lets ask the question.. So I asked her out straight..

'Am I some sort of comfort for the break up with ex or do you like me and would you like to get to know me'.

her reply was something to the effect of 'fair question.. I do like you and would like to get to know you.. but I just feel a bit much with it all at the moment'.. I had to go after that and said I would call her later in the evening.
Later on I got a text saying she was going to bed but if I needed any help with a certain business plan I was doing the next day, the offer still stands for her to help. She signed off with a kiss again. Something which she didn't originally do in the begining. I replied thanking her and said I would call today.

So I have looked on a couple of dating sites she was on again. One she hasn't been on for over a week..another one she was on 2 days ago. She goes out to meet friends (just friends apparently) and she has clicked attending to some event in the community mainly for singles. She says its to meet people in that community as she doesn't have any friends there.

So.. am I still on a hiding to nothing?.. am I wasting my time if she wont meet me for the moment for a 4th time?...
Is this someone genuinely caught up over ex and just trying to take it slow with me and discover the world again in the process? the ex was her first true love and I believe she is still in a bad way about it.

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here to learn.. thats all.

My first inclination, was to ask why you keep wasting your time, and advise to move on.

But I seem to notice two things missing from your descriptions in conversation.

1. Excitement.

2. Sexual tension.

Without those I'm surprised she is still talking to YOU.

The whole "but I just feel a bit much with it all at the moment" is her bullshit way of saying "I'd kind of like to fuck you, but you need to give me a reason!"

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Sounds like the kind of girl you need to be more aggressive with.

Thanks for the reply..

First two dates there was kissing and sexual tension and was keen to meet again. 3rd date was daytime near her place, where she has spent a lot of time with previous boyfriend I pressure. We were kissing, but it was a bit more laid back and maybe gave time to think about the ex.

I have been cheeky with her and she keeps calling me cheeky, which is a good sign. I tell her I like it when she calls me a certain name.. and so she has started using that name showing compliance.

I spoke to her again on phone last night. She said she needs a bit of time to heal from ex. wants to meet her friends, have fun, go out and enjoy herself etc.
I asked if she was dating other guys, she said she is not wanting to date anyone at the moment..
She said she would like to meet in a few weeks.. kind of said she hoped she would be ready by then.
I called her bluff a little and said that coming out with me should be seen as fun.. and maybe if you feel like that I am not the right guy for you.. she went a bit quiet and slowly said 'If we didn't meet in a few weeks, I think it would be a shame but that's up to you'. I asked her if she wanted to stay in touch in the meantime and she said 'yes'. She is not over the ex, I am sure about that.

Way I see it.

1. I have lost her interest on the date and she is not that up for meeting again.. I am a small option if nothing better comes along. I would need to do something drastic/disappear to get it back.

2. She is interested but just feels its a bit too quick for her. She said she wants to heal a bit more before meeting.. although this could go on forever. I need to give her space

I am with different girls all the time but I need to meet a girl from my community. There are not many around and this is the first girl in 4 years who has kept my interest and who I think about.

_________________
here to learn.. thats all.

My current girlfriend's ex also left her few months before we met and she was deeply damaged inside. But the thing is I was better then her ex and was making her wet everytime we had a date. It was exteremely exisinng and thrilling to her. Sexual tension was magical! You can check my field report(hb7-london-vt162728.html?hilit=London).

She saw me superior to her ex and she forgot him. Now she says I am the best one she ever had. That is the way to play girls on rebound, you need to be a head taller her ex and bring sexual tension.

"I did mention it was rare for me to go on a 3rd date as I find it hard to find girls I really like"

Is it really true? It sounds weird and like you cannot F-close girls, which is beta and not a way to go. Never say it again.

By the way in my personal opionion, kissing girls on your own before sex destroys sexual tension. It works better for me just to kino without kisses, unless she cannot hold it and kisses you on her own, and at this point your chances to F-close are extremely high.

in my humble opinion i think its normal for a girl who just came out of a long relationship to act the way she is acting
i was in the same situation as you are in a few months back, i simply didn't text her for a few months (i was out of the country for a few months) and then simply texted her when i got back "im back in town lets go out" and we have been dating ever since.

don't waste your time on her now because your not going to go anywhere fast (and even if you would starting a relationship whit a girl who just got dumped is potentially a bad situation)

but also don't break completely with her, she might be be a good time in the future

At the risk of being all wordy here, BE the BETTER choice.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.