background:

i have actually discussed this in the chatroom with some guys including poeticlyskuac and chicoman. the followings are more in detail and more updated...

i've been seeing this european girl for around 1 month. we talk on the phone every day (she intiates the call). every time we met we have sex for 3 times on average (2 times at night, 1 more time on the next morning). although we are not officially boyfriend and girlfriend, our relationship was pretty solid.

shit happens on wednesday:

she is living in london. she came to my town on wednesday to stay for a few days. i called her in the afternoon, she agreed to stay in my place. problem is i have to go to a small town nearby to have a meeting in the evening. i wouldn't be able to come back until 10 p.m. i called her at around 9 pm before my meeting ends. she changed her mind. she was at her ex colleague' place. i didn't understand her properly on the phone. so i wasn't sure whether her colleague was male or female. she said she was tired. she was mugged few weeks ago so she didn't want to leave the house this late. anyways, we still have our usual phone call for 1 hour. we talked from 11pm to 12 pm.

Thursday:

we met at the cafe, the following is the conversation

ball: okay our plan today is...come to my house tonight. and then tomorrow morning i will walk you to the bus stop. because my housemates are really creepy i am uncomfortable for you stay behind when i am working
HB: ok
ball: oh yea about last night, was your excolleague male?
HB: yea he is
ball: did u sleep in the living room last night
HB: no i wasn't
ball: oh i assume you are sleeping in the same room then, did u sleep on the floor then?
HB: *giggles* of course not. how can i sleep on the floor. i was sleeping on a bed

SPAM changes

ball: i think it is really awkward. i know i am not your boyfriend, but i am not very comfortable with that
HB: i have to return him the keys at 2am. he comes back from work at that time. anyway, it is very impossible (i think she meant it was impossible to have sex with that guy)
ball: *long silence*
HB: so should i move my stuff to your place tonight?
ball: i told u i got creepy housemates
HB: okay i will leave my stuff in my friends house, and then i come to your place?
ball: i am not sure
HB: you are now a little bit annoying. you are not my boyfriend. this an awkward situation for me. i just lost my job i couldn't afford to stay in hostel. now i need to go home and charge my phone. if u change your mind call me
ball: *silence*

after i returned home, i asked opinions from guys like poeticlyskuac and chicoman. they generally advise me to just go for it. i gave her a phone call that night. the phone was switched off. well, she mentioned she was going to charge her phone. after 1 hour i send a short text "come over i will see you later". no reply

Friday:

no reply received during the day. i gave her a call after work. she picked up the phone, sounded pissed off. meet her half an hour after the phone call anyways. she said she is going to stay in the hotel tonight. i ask her if i cud stay in her hotel room. she agreed. she ask me if she cud stay in my house for 1 month, and she is going to pay me half the rent. she was going to have an interview that night. if she got the job she is going to stay in my town. i said i was not sure because my landlord might not like it. she said i should tell my landlord my girlfriend is willing to pay half the rent. wtf, girlfriend? last night she said i was not even her boyfriend lol.

anyways after that she went for her interview at around 9.30. before we separate

ball: oh shit, i should get more condoms. i only got one. we need 3 usually
HB: *suddenly change her mind* how about meeting tomorrow?
ball: no i wait for you in town until you finished you interview.
HB: okay i will call you later

she got a restaurant interview at 9.30 p.m. on friday night. she finished her interview at 1 a.m. i was a bit worried so i gave her a couple of phone call and a couple of text. we had our last conversation on the phone:

HB: why are u being so annoying? it is a really bad time for me ( well, she got the restaurant job, but if she didn't get it she couldn't apply for visa and she couldn't stay in UK any longer)

and then she bloody hangs up the phone. up till now we haven't spoken on the phone

i got few questions for you guys:

1. do u think she cheated on the first night (wednesday)?
2. do u think she cheated in the second night (after i've frozen her)?
3. i live in a metropolitan city. not as busy as london. but busier than a lot of places. do restaurants close that late? she went for the interview at 9.30 p.m. and finished at 1 a.m. Anyone UK pua can tell me how restaurants interview are like in here? i hope the restaurant manger is not a horny bastard and took advantage of her. because she needed the job for her visa to stay in UK.

4. now she thinks she is my girlfriend. should i start a long term relationship with her?

You come off sounding really fucking insecure. Questioning her who she was with etc.

I'm on her side. You have no right to ask her. You are not her boyfriend. She is free to have an orgy with 100 men if she wants to.

Until you have the "lets be exclusive" talk, she can do whatever she wants.

This.

She's annoyed with you because you're not ONLY acting like the boyfriend that you aren't, but you're acting like a jealous, needy, territorial one. Field-proven fastest way to push a woman away: be needy.

By the way, talking to her on the phone every day puts you solidly in BOYFRIEND frame. Since you're not actually her boyfriend, she gets to fuck whoever she wants without explanation, and get all the BOYFRIEND attention and validation from you at the same time.

She's having her cake and eating it too right now, and holds all the cards. You already know that, which is why you have ONEITIS for her and need to NEXT her.

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thanks for your comment hunter_foxe. do you think she is a GF material? now she is offering to become my girlfriend

i was not the one who initiated the phone call. i knew too much phone call can kill attraction. she gives me one phone call per day even before we have sex. i was just rewarding her. because i think maybe this girl wants to go exclusive with me.

so after what happened last week, do you think the best thing to do is to see other girls and just leave her alone?

No way don't wife a girl who has sex with guy #1 on friday and guy#2 on saturday. They are trashy and will end up dissapointing you. She is just a fuckbuddy and you should keep it like that.

She's not cheating on you... because YOU DON'T HAVE HER. If you're not her boyfriend she can't cheat on you!!! period. You shouldn't even be concerned about other guys and if you are then you shouldn't show that you're concerned. She said to tell your land lord she's your "girlfriend" so she could stay. She was basically saying "stop being so uptight and just tell your land lord im your girlfriend he'll have no problem with it".

What kind of land lord do you have anyway? That's a load of BS if he'd have a problem with somebody staying with you. I think you're coming off too weird not letting her stay over... it's frustrating her.

Not trying to be an asshole but lighten up. You're sabotaging a good thing... she hasn't done anything wrong and you're ruining your chances with her. Focus on building up attraction and less on what she's doing. Focus less on whatever insecurities you have about her staying over for a little bit.

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keep her as a fuck buddy.... agreed. Unless she proves herself. Don't give her all the cards. You seem like one of her options right now... make her an option. By all means keep banging her if the sex is good.... but meet some new women as well.

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How do you know she thinks she is your girlfriend? From what you've written, it sounds like this girl wants to use you for a place to stay and we also know that she finds you annoying. She also said "you're not my boyfriend".

Read between the lines here, take note of what she does, not what she says. Keep fucking her, stop being an emotional tampon and keep your options open. If you can't handle the jealousy knowing that she is fucking other men, stop fucking her and go no contact. If you are ok with the fuck buddy situation, keep fucking her and look for other women to fuck.

Texting and phone calls should just be to arrange meet ups for sex until SHE approaches YOU and says she wants an exclusive committed relationship. If this happens, make sure she's not just saying she is your GF to stop you fucking other women (while she fucks other men behind your back). She needs to prove her dedication to you with actions, not words, before you should even consider a relationship with her.

thanks dutchshyguy. my head now clears up a little bit. i know what i am going to do

thanks for your reply brandon. yea i think i should keep my options open. the landlord thing is just BS as you said. i made up an excuse i just don't want her to stay in my house for 1 month. i don't want to be a provider, although she agreed to pay half the rent.

i agree with you that neediness kills my chance with this girl. she is not really my girlfriend yet.

one more question. in a long term relationship how should i draw the line without being needy?

Hunte_Foxe thanks for your analysis. She agreed to pay me half the rent. Well, I didn't let her stay anyways. she just slept with some guys now she wants me to do her a favour.

yea actions are more important than words. haha you know i couldn't handle the jealousy. i would go for the second option.

there was one night i didn't call her. the next morning she sent me a message telling me she was upset. i agree with you. women don't want guys to sleep with other girls, but they want to sleep with other men. i think that's selfishness.

now i won't settle down for one woman so quickly. i think i am going to meet some new women. and decide which one has the greatest potential to become a LTR

It's a broad topic... don't worry about relationships just enjoy dating and being single until you get the grasp of things. Standing my ground isn't hard in my relationship because my girlfriend made the cut to become my girlfriend in the first place... we respect each other.

Don't ever let your emotions take control of you and respect yourself. You don't have to put up with a girl's bullshit because there's always another one. Always be willing to walk away.

_________________
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Hey Mate, I live in the UK as well and I'm European.

Why does she need a visa to stay in the UK if she is European. I'm guessing she is Eastern European correct me if I'm wrong. Typical case where the girl uses the guy as a provider. I know this from experience.

She doesn't want you to be her boyfriend. If she did, she would have mentioned this before already.

However if you want her to be your girlfriend you should tell her that. If she doesn't agree then walk, because to me it's clear that you want things to be exclusive. Any other situation you'll get hurt, she'll find another provider for her.

The landlord excuse is not necessarily BS btw, my landlord wouldn't let me have my girlfriend staying at my place so it's not uncommon here.

thanks again brandon. yea so far i spend not more than 3 months with girls. my jealousy ruins things sometimes. like you said at a certain point i will get the grasp of things. maybe i am just not mature enough to handle a long term relationship.

yea of course i would leave the girl if she is treating me shit. this time i want to make sure i am not being over suspicious. it seems everyone agrees that this girl can be a fuck buddy. but girlfriend....not so sure