Hey all -- just went on a date with someone I am really interested in.
We hadn't spent much time together in the past and, to be honest, I was quite direct asking them on a date "hey, lets get coffee" via email. Anyway, the response was positive and we spent a good 2 hours talking with great rapport. We talk together easily and have a lot in common.

But, shit, I don't know if they considered it just a "hang out" or if they thought it was a possible romantic meeting. Yea, I'm showing my beginner status here, but now I want to make sure it escalates.

They initiated contact online this evening after the meeting, so I take that as an IOI, but I am getting cold feet and don't know how to make the most of this awesome opportunity!

Cheer me on guys! Help me avoid a trap of friend zone that I have fallen in many times before!

thx
RealFeel

As long as you didn't pay for the coffee that is ok, if she did than even better. (don't pay for shit unless you are married, shows weakness).

It is wonderful to have a conversation, I bet you and your best friend have conversations and a lot in interest too right? Well he is your best friend.

There are ways to tell if you are progressing in her mind as attractive. Was she giving you IOI's? (look them up if you don't know what it is). You have to learn to add game into your conversations, it can't be all a sit down, lets talk stuff. That is a nice guy approach. She may accept it at first, she may even want that and that's a good thing since attraction could just come from the rapport and comfort.

Though eventually, she might lose interest as most women do (this gets less with age) and look for something more "interesting" (an asshole as most of us know).

If she contacted you, that is a good IOI, make use of some CF, plan something (with friends if you want) and use some time bridging. This will give you hopefully a day-2 and more time to actually escalate things (kino, sexual topics, etc.) as those are the things that will keep you out of the friendzone.

Or, do what she will least expect probably, and friendzone her first, yet keep building the kino / sexual topics and things. This will disable her bitch-shield and allow you to be like a James Bond into her mind.

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who cares about paying for coffee, what is it 1$? lol, pay for whatever the hell you want, the "don't pay rule" applies for girls you've just met, not for women you're dating.

if you don't offer to pay many women will see you as cheap, one of my own tests is I will offer to pay but if she doesn't "fight me back" and offer herself, there is no day 2. the other condition is i will pay the expensive thing if it's a meal or if it's something else whatever of the date, she can pay the drinks which are cheaper (or go dutch on those).

I digress, get her to see you as a sexual being (flirt), physical contact (kino), unavailable (aloof), be willing to walk away at all times (abundance mind set), be your definition of the man (alpha).

DO NOT have text conversations or phone calls that last more than 5 - 10 minutes, these devices / means of communications are meant to setup dates, nothing else. A good rule is the 10 message rule (setup a date with 10 messages you send 1) "hi/hello", 2) "what r u doing", 3) "sounds naughty", 4) " blah blah blah", 5) "thursday at 6 o clock work for you?", messages 6 - 10 use to readjust time schedule if it doesn't work for her.

Attraction builds up with quality interactions in person

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Want to not be friendzoned? Make a move. Touch her, invade her personal space, tease her, flirt. Move in for the kiss.

You will NEVER lose by making a move. If she shuts you down you were never getting anywhere anyway. Best case she kisses you an lets you escalate, likely she turns he head but likes it and stays. This is jus a test to see how strong you are.

Go for it, unless she says a clear "no I'm not into you" she's into you.

Thanks all!

Don't agree entirely with the "make a move" immediately and that a negative response means there was no chance. Isn't that the point of the PUA tactics in the first place? attraction building where there wasn't any before?

Saw them the next day at a social gathering and tried to operate with the abundance mind set, having a good time with other sets. hope that made a good impression. Generally though it is super hard for me to juggle all the variables necessary to strategically navigate a social gathering when a kind of ultimate target is present. How long has it taken you guys to get to that "unconscious competence" stage Neil keeps talking about?

I don't think it is oneitis yet, but how have you guys managed your game when you have a specific person stuck in your mind?

Thanks

Its good that you got her out for a coffee and she is showing interest, however a coffee can be a killer..
The danger is that you sit and have a nice polite conversation.. she then goes away thinking you are a nice and polite guy - would make a good friend.

Your best bet (as people are saying here) is to escalate so that you don't fall into the friendzone.
A coffee doesn't give a great opportunity to escalate, so you really need to take her out for a drink in the evening. fuck 'not paying'. If she offers - then she is a decent girl, but you should put your hand in pocket to pay for her.

If you get her out for a drink my one big big piece of advice for you is make sure she sits next to you on a bench/sofa or something and not opposite you. It completely breaks down the barrier. You will find that the two of you start touching each other when talking.. then getting closer as the drinks get drunk and before you know it you should be kissing her.

I have kissed 3 out of the last 4 girls I went for a drink with. The one I didn't kiss.. we sat on chairs not next to each other. Wasn't great.

Good luck chuck

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[quote="jamesd31"]As long as you didn't pay for the coffee that is ok, if she did than even better. (don't pay for shit unless you are married, shows weakness).[quote]

No. This is retarded. Who cares who pays for a cup of coffee, it's freaking COFFEE!!

But, meeting for coffee is a bad strategy in the first place (if it's during the day). I've ranted about this already in a post, but to summarize it is not romantic and can also demonstrate significant neediness. (Everyone knows you want to meet out at night, ideally at your place where you can hook up but you are willing to settle for some bullshit day coffee date because you are too afraid to get rejected if you propose a real date and too needy to risk not seeing the girl if she rejects an actual date proposition)

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jamesd31 says As long as you didn't pay for the coffee that is ok, if she did than even better. (don't pay for shit unless you are married, shows weakness).


Where the FUCK did you get that logic from? If a single bloke can't even buy a girl a coffee without getting hysterical about it then they deserve to be alone and miserable with only porn to jerk off to. Your words of wisdom are fucking dangerous man. If you can't buy a girl a coffee then YOU are the weak one dickhead.

It doesn't have to be IMMEDIATELY but pretty fast, look at it this way... when you see a girl you place her in 1 of 3 categories (women will do the same):

1) I will sleep with that person - no matter what you do, she is so attracted to you that no matter how bad you suck you can still get her.

2) I'm unsure if I will sleep with that person - this is where a girl is 50/50, so game comes into play, if you suck you'll blow yourself out, if you're good, you will push her over the edge and win her.

3) No way in hell will I sleep with that person - no matter how much game you have, this person won't budge and won't sleep with you. can't win em all.

The making a move comes in play for #1 and #2, making a move serves two functions...
1) It let's her gauge how into her you are
2) It let's her know if you have nads and are man enough to be her next boyfriend.

so by not doing it you're showing her you aren't into her so you want a "friendship" and/or (depending on the rest of your interactions) you just don't have the balls.
This is absolutely correct.
Where the date takes place or what's involved has no meaning on the interaction, it really matters on you and your ability to have a good time... what's a real date to you, "drinks?" everyone suggests night and drinks because of alcohol being a social barrier destroyer. what happens when you run into a girl who doesn't drink? will you not hit on her because you don't have the balls to? come on man...

"romantic" I can think of plenty of "romantic" things to do during the day and plenty of places you can hook up with a girl during the day or afternoon.

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Nope. Sorry, this is wrong. You want a date that allows for good logistics to escalate, a day date generally does not allow that. It's quite simple. If she doesn't drink, who cares, you can do something else, but take her out, AT NIGHT, and make sure logistics allow for whatever can happen to happen. Dates with terrible potential for a same night lay etc. are generally terrible dates. A first night lay isn't a necessity, but to give up the option of getting there or getting back to a location where you can really be intimate (even if it is not sex) is idiotic. I wrote about this on my site, you gotta go for what you can get when you can get it and not delay. There's no save and reload button in dating. Having a shit date during the day where you guys have to go your separate ways after etc. is just begging for missed opportunities when the chemistry is great.

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why do you have to go your separate ways? can you not fuck during the day? has your apartment or hers moved in comparison to day or night? there is nothing in your post of substance that changes anything important.

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Social conditioning. If you really think the odds of getting laid during the afternoon are the same as at night you are delusional bro, sorry.

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Hi

I'm sorry to hear that. You could show me some special to the right person you meet. Why would you fear that you would drop in a trap? In my view, you could have a try. You said you have a lot of common and it would lead to a nice match in the future.

'Sup muh man Dusty here,
Been awhile... Anyway let's just jump into it.
First off, a lot of guys has been PUB (Pick-up BullShitting) programmed. They take to heart everything a so called "Guru" tunes them and then spread that bullshit for the world to know. Like are you serious, what's wrong with paying for a cup of Dunkin Donuts? Or Starbucks (if she's that type of lady)? COMPLETELY NOTHING!

Now another thing, there's also nothing wrong with taking girls on Day dates, whoever believe there is,is probably also Pick-Up Bullshitting!
I understand a lot of guys just don't like day time dates or interactions if you will, I call them Social Vampires. They do their hunting at night. And to some the Night time is better, or easier (for a better word) then day game. "When the lights are off, the morals are off" I saw it on a bumpersticker somewhere. That may be true,but let me tell you this, out of all my lays I enjoyed the Day time lays the most, because I had to actually game them, being real and having to work for it. So whether its midnight or afternoon it doesn't matter, if your game is tight enough, you'll get it done.
but I don't think you just want to Fuck and pass this one. Seems like there's some feelings from your side, which is not necessarily bad, only thing I'm worried about is you ending up investing way too much, way too early and screwing up your chances.

Now for my advice...

How do you romanticize a coffee date? Buy a huge latte and share. Play games with the menu, I like to play this game where my girl order for me, what she think I would like to eat or drink and I return the favor (normal guys just don't do that). Or buy two coffees and one huge piece of Chocolate cake AND SHARE!!!

The main thing about going out on dates is for you to be close to her and escalate, have fun with her, make some fucking memories while your at it. I mean she made a conscious decision to go out with you, do you think she'll pull out a revolver if you start touching her? Fuck no!! (I'm assuming she's sane).
So do yourself and her a favor and make a move. Be aggressive about what you want, go for it whole hearted ly. You want to know why most guys end up in the Friendzone? Because they're pussies to escalate.

So escalate, and go for the win.

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Agree 100%. The whole not paying thing is idiotic and mostly guys trying to rationalize being cheap.
No. Day dates DO suck. This is not PUB shit or whatever you call it, because a lot of PUAs recommend day dates and I 100% disagree with them. Even though I have f-closed on day dates, night dates are 100x easier to close and get second dates etc. which is why I simply do not do day dates anymore. You basically even admit it, you enjoy them because you have to work at them? Yea, no shit, because they are way harder to be successful in, so wtf is the point of going on them in the first place? There are plenty of challenges in getting women, making it harder for yourself is stupid.
Don't do a coffee date is much easier than going through all this effort to try to make a date that is inherently a shit boring date interesting and fun.

Agree 100% with your second paragraph.

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