I’ve been meaning to address this for a while now, the obsession and paranoia some guys have about shit tests. For those who are uninitiated, a shit test is an old PUA term to describe a woman who says something derogatory to you to see how you react. The theory is that she is testing your dominance, your will, your frame, your confidence, etc. in order to judge how attractive you really are. Typically it comes in the form of snooty comments such as, “Are you gay?” or “Don’t you have any other friends?” or making fun of your shirt or whatever.

Woman test you when she’s attracted to you but she wants to make sure you’re for real. The idea is that she challenges you in some way, and you have to prove to her that you’re unaffected by her interjections. In the past, I went into depth on how to handle shit tests here. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, you probably want to take a moment and review that post.

Here I want to address shit test paranoia. Over the years, guys commonly come to me with all of these shit tests that women throw at them asking me how they should deal with them. I usually point them to the above post or just repeat what’s said there. But here’s the interesting part: I’d say 80% of the time, what the guys perceive as shit tests aren’t actually shit tests at all.

In fact, I’m not a huge fan of the shit test label in general. I think it’s another PUA concept that ends up hurting more than it helps. But first, I’ll explain the two most common ways guys misinterpret women’s actions as shit tests when they’re really not.

The first is teasing. I’d say a solid 50% of the questions I get concerning women testing a guy are no more than a girl teasing and flirting with the guy in question. I always have to reassure these guys that this is indeed a good thing. Women only tease guys they’re flirting with and they only flirt with men that they’re attracted to. How some good-natured ribbing qualifies as a shit test in the minds of these guys is beyond me. Or actually, scratch that, they interpret them as shit tests because they’re overly-sensitive and taught by books they’ve read that they must be prepared to overcome any adversity a woman throws at them. This is a bunch of BS. Your guy friends tease you. Your family teases you. Are they shit testing you? Are their teases something that must be deflected or conquered? No, it’s merely a sign of playful affection, so treat it that way.

As with most PUA concepts, the idea of the shit test creates a defensive mindset in the guy, the idea that this is some obstacle that must be overcome and defeated rather than accepted and connected with.

The other common situation which men erroneously perceive to be “shit tests” is when a woman is a plain rejection. The most popular example is the so-called “I have a boyfriend” shit test. This isn’t a shit test. This is her saying she’s not interested in you. Even if she’s lying and is single, she’s turned off, not receptive and is probably not worth the effort.

Other common rejections that are misinterpreted as shit tests: “I have to go,” “Here, talk to my friend,” “We’re lesbians,” or of course, the obvious “Sorry, I’m not interested.”

Shit tests are actually quite rare. And believe it or not, they become more common the closer and more intimate you are with a woman. Anyone who’s been married or lived with a girlfriend can tell you that you get tested on a daily basis. Girls I meet in bars almost never shit test me. My ex-girlfriend of two years barraged me constantly with them.

Shit tests only happen when a woman is already very attracted to you to the point that it makes her uncomfortable. She eases this comfort by testing you. It’s her sub-conscious saying, “I’m so into this guy that it’s scary. I don’t know how trustworthy he is. Here, I’ll say something obnoxious to see if he’s for real or not.” It’s a screening strategy for women, since they have so much more to gain/lose by emotionally invested themselves in a guy. This is also why the rate of shit tests increase proportionally to the level of intimacy you share.

This is also why one of the most common shit tests on the planet is some permutation of “You must be gay.” Sure, sometimes this can be used as a tease or rejection, but women you just meet out at a bar or club will pull this one out when they become extremely attracted to you quickly. Think about it for a second, what do all women say about gay guys? That they’re hot. They’re emotionally expressive, dress well, make her laugh and are physical with her without inhibitions. All things that we teach you to do in the dating advice industry. She’s turned on, she doesn’t really know what to do with the situation. She really likes you but just met you and doesn’t know you. She feels a little nervous and doesn’t completely trust you. And so she blurts out, “You have to be gay, right?”

It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with her.

If you react negatively, or show any irritation (remember: the quickest turn off for a woman is a man who is intimidated by her), then she’ll lose attraction for you. Her sub-conscious will be eased because you’ll just be another douchebag trying to get into her pants. But if you’re unaffected, and if you come back at her with even more playfulness and ease, if you accept her insecurity and rest with it, bringing her up to your level with confidence and care, then you’re reaffirming to her that, in fact, you are a ridiculously hot guy she just met. It’s a win/win situation for her. If you fail, you expose yourself as a fraud and she can rest easy. If you pass with flying colors, then she knows she really has a catch. It’s win/win for her. That’s why she does it.

So, how to tell the difference between teases/shit-tests/rejections? Keep this in mind:
- If she makes a derogatory comment with playful and fun intentions and she likes you, then she is teasing you and flirting. This is GOOD. It means she likes you.
- If she makes a derogatory comment with serious intentions and she likes you, then she is testing you. This is GOOD. It means she REALLY likes you.
- If she makes a derogatory comment with serious intention and she doesn’t like you, then she is rejecting you. This is also GOOD. Because we don’t want to waste our time with girls who aren’t interested in us.

Like I said, the first and third options are by far the most common. I think most guys would be served well by ignoring the shit test concept for the most part until they get a fair amount of experience under their belt. Chances are you won’t get tested often early in an interaction, especially if you’re not generating much attraction. If the girls aren’t attracted to you, they’re not testing you, they’re rejecting you.

A caveat to all of this is if there is something highly unique or outstanding about you. For instance, if you’re much older than her, or you dress in an extreme or bizarre way, expect to be tested frequently and early. In these cases, women are doing it to test your congruence and confidence. If you walk around with a fuzzy top hat, or are hitting on girls 20 years younger than yourself, that implies a lot of confidence and gusto. Therefore women are going to want to test that in you quite a bit before they trust you.

Shit test is over blown by a community, most time shit testing is just women flirting, which is good she is interested. Shit test happens more during a relationship more than anywhere else, your gf attempts to text your boundaries and betatization shit.


Hey man, instead of recycling old stuff and advise like be respected, be decisive, etc... That type of advise really does not do shit, is like go up to her open escalate then have sex. Get me is not really actionable advise, is just occupying space on the board. How about you sit back, read stuff from pumpington, warped mindless, chief etc.. see how the forum flows.

here is by mark manson:

Dude, give the man a break. He may have a dry sense of humor but he's civil.

He's not the constantly bitter type around here that doesn't get laid but not the emotionally volatile type either that women love so much like Heywood and Retired Rodeo. One day they're talking funny shit and then the following few days, they're angrily fucking up some clueless noob with shit and all that.

The game comes down to four things.

1. Valuing yourself

2. Confidence

3. Checking disrespect

4. Verbal communication

Most of this stuff is mental, how you feel and what you are thinking about. So it would be of value to reexamine what you mean by mental masturbation because game is about having a certain vibe.


I disagree with those posts.