There is a trap in the PUA world. A trap that I myself fell into.

Why do most guys get into PUA? Most guys get into PUA because they realize they suck with girls and they want to get better. That was me a little less than a couple years ago. I realized a change had to be made and made the decision to get good with girls. To fuck a lot of chicks. And so I went out a lot, success came slowly but surely. I had dry spells, I had wet spells, however for some reason I wasn't getting what I...wanted.

I wanted to get good with girls, right? And that was slowly happening right? Yeah, but I still wasn't getting what I wanted. You see, I thought I wanted to get good with girls and fuck a lot of chicks. I read a lot of stuff about how the aim is to fuck the girl, techniques to get to fuck the girl, to pull quickly, to go on dates to be able to pull later on that night or the next date. Everything was focused around...fucking.

And so my mind focused on needing to fuck girls, and quickly. Once I did fuck her I felt good about myself - yeah, this was me. My skillset. My character. My charm. And then I had reached my goal for this chick...But I still wasn't getting what I wanted.

And this was the trap I found myself in the last two years of beginning to get good at this. I was slowly building success but I wasn't getting what I wanted. I was getting what I thought I wanted - to get good at finally fucking girls. To be a ladies man because I was such a loser before hand. This idea of being a fucking pimp, a real man, a player, a pickup-artist was all I thought wanted out of this. Complete abundance. Yeah.

Boy was I wrong.

What had happened? I fell into The Trap. The trap that most PUA articles, books, even most forum posts lead you to. "How do I fuck this girl?" "Field Report - Got her into bed the same night!" Everything you read focuses on getting to fuck the girl. And of course, because fucking her is obviously a part of it all, an essential part.

But it is extremely easy to be led into the Trap. You think you have to get good at getting her into bed quickly. And then you do...now what? What happens after? Suddenly you're a chode again because you only focused on your goal of bettering your skill to get girls into bed. What you haven't done is learnt how to relate from human to human, a human relationship, and you have not focused on what YOU really want. You focused on what everyone else is thinking you want, what everyone else thinks you SHOULD want, because, hell...relationships and feelings and shit are for AFCs lol. We are the Alpha males, the ones that chicks want to fuck.

You fell into the Trap if you think like this, as I did for the past two fucking years. Always seeking to better my skillset, always seeking to become the best PUA I can be - focus on the processes.

However what did I REALLY want? I just wanted a goddamn girlfriend. That's it. Just a goddamn normal girlfriend who would stick with me through thick and thin. A sweet, cute, sexy, smart, determined, loyal and committed girlfriend. And I almost had the chance a few weeks ago. But no. I was still in the old mindset. Focus on bettering your skills. I almost had a truly loyal girl, but because I was so focused on how to stay the "Alpha male" how to stay the "cool dude" I lost her. She truly wanted an LTR, and deep inside so did I. I just didn't show it. I was in my Trap. And I fucking lost her. That shit hurts so bad because now the truth inside me came out and I realized I could have had it. I guess it must have taken this really deep cut to finally realize why I am in this. To get a truly loyal girlfriend. This is my goal.

There will be people who know what they want from the start, and will do just that, which is good for them. Then there will be others who will fall into the Trap. If you realize you're in the Trap, reassess why you are in this, and be brutally honest with yourself. Yes it's great to be good at picking up women. You feel good and shit. But will it fulfill you in the long-run? Why do you want to get good with women is the question you have to be asking yourself. A question I didn't ask myself because my ego was way too high - I wanted to show everyone that I could get girls, too, because I had been rejected so often before this. Take your ego out of this. What do you want? Really?

Once you know what you want you can set your checkpoints, you can make your gameplan on how to get there, your blueprint. It is easy to fall into the Trap and believe you want to get good at fucking women! If this is truly what you want, great. But if it isn't, look deep inside and see what you're missing. What do you want?

The reason most pua advise focuses on having sex with a girl, even if your goal is a gf and not having sex. It is cause having sex with a girl is the highest form of investment on the part of the girl and the strongest, surest and most effective way to get into a relationship. So if your goal is to have a gf, you need to find a way to fuck her, and then you can always work your way backwards to a relationship... I hate pua advise, but actually this is the only one thing were they have it right. Now let me ask you did you fuck this girl????

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Yes I totally agree, which is why I said it is an essential part of getting a relationship - this is why everyone focuses on it. But what I'm saying is that the FOCUS of pickup in general is to fuck the girl, which cause people, including me in the past, to forget why we even want to fuck them. There is a lot of preach about fucking the most girls you can - and yes this is a good screening process, but this can turn into "let's see how many girls I can fuck" and guys who don't really want to become the best pickup artists but rather just want something else can get sidetracked completely into thinking they have to be the best pua they can before they get a girlfriend. This was what happened to me. I modeled myself after people who were really good with women, but their goals were completely different to mine. So I tried to adopt their approach to pickup - which was incongruent for me and I felt it throughout but never knew until now. I adopted their screening methods, because I had absolutely 0 screening methods in the first place, and so I thought this is the way to get what I want. I have to follow these processes in order to become good with women. I have to stop thinking about relationships and focus on getting good with as many girls as possible, to expand my skillset, and whilst this obviously made me into a better man, I was completely unfulfilled because I was going against something essential within me.

And yes I did fuck this girl a couple of times, but because she wanted signs of an LTR that I didn't give because I thought I had to "play it cool" and not be "needy" she backed off and said she didn't want this. Yet she and I actually wanted the exact same thing, however modeling myself after others was the approach I took (because I knew no other way really and didn't trust in my own ways yet) and so I gave off signs that I was slightly less interested in her than she was in me. Very incongruent, a learning experience, a painful one. Many other factors came into play, not only this of course, but I have come to a massive realization, I feel as if a knot has been untied. I finally know why I am in this, and I now know how to set goals, and that I should screen girls and see what I want with a specific girl rather than adopt a one mentality fits all mindset.

There is extremely little talk about what you want out of this, and only really a focus on fucking the girl.

^ this is needy, again, you post is against getting laid, and that is not were you made the mistake...

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Yes I agree. I know that. My post is not against getting laid...my post is on focusing on what you want and following through rather than on doing what you see other people do. They sort of go hand in hand in a way. however it would not be needy if I just did what I wanted to instead of what I thought was the right thing to do because other people who I modeled did it that way.

I think this speaks more about you and your values overall. While Im not disagreeing with your point, you made the choice to focus on that. Most do but I didnt. My objective the whole time was to get good at having women around me so that if that rare gem shows herself I would have the skill set to attack. It worked for me. I focused mostly on inner game and psychology on purpose because of my goals. Only you can set goals and move towards mastering them... Life is like a choose your own adventure. So man up and go get what it is you want. Bitching over semantics isnt going to get you anywhere.

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My personal mantra:

"Every woman's a whore in the right situation"
"They're all selling it for something"
"She's sluttier than you think she is"

Nice post. I have a lot of thoughts on this one. First, skills360 is right in that not acting needy is most likely not what caused you to lose her. My thought is, if you fucked her twice, why at that point are you reverting to some book method that's essentially for virgins? A lot of this stuff is geared to teach to get from approach to the bedroom and a lot of men out there who read this stuff have never done that or if they have, they've never been totally satisfied with what they got. I lived the first part until mid 20's then the second for another 5 years. But does anyone out there really want to be a play boy who just bangs a lot of hot chicks and never settles down? The goal is to get to the point you're in a happy LTR. Not bang a chick(s). I can't imagine any man not realizing eventually LTR is what he wants.

If you are fucking (or doing something close that will soon lead to it), there's no need to revert to entry level Pua tactics, particularly the "don't act needy" theory. You're there. You are at a point then when you start to play by heart and emotion, not book method. IF LTR is both your mind sets

I also am only about 50/50 certain you are correct in your assessment that this Pua trap you fell in is what cost the relationship. A lot of women are very confused about what they want these days. She may have lead you to think that's why she was moving on, when that had little to do with it. Never-the-less, I know you will let it be a lesson to you. You might be at a point in life now it would serve you good to get away from PUA and never go back unless it's to help guide others.

Ah, yes. First of all, we all make mistakes, lots of it, before we get good at something.

Second, no worries Traveler. Roughly 80% of women want a long term relationship. In time, you will get what you want. There are many girls out there who are looking for the same thing.

Your theory post on identifying why you want something instead of focusing on the how indicates that you have achieved a higher level of consciousness. This is good for you not only with getting good with girls but with your life in general.

Career-wise, it is the why thinkers who get the top, juiciest corporate positions. These are strategic thinkers like the CEO, COO, middle managers, project managers, lawyers, scientists, generals, basketball and football coaches, and so on.

The next best thing are the how thinkers. Usually, these are the engineers, designers, specialists, nurses, and so on.

The third best thing are the when thinkers. These are the bankers, teachers, most politicians, music artists, historians, archealogists, salespeople, athletes, and so on. They thrive best with the proper timing or follow a strict timeline.

Finally, the majority of the workforce consists of the what thinkers. They have to be fed what to do. They work on checklists, to-do items, and what have you. These are the warehouse club chain store service workers, restaurant workers, and so on.

I'm not saying though that this thinking types category is set in black and white or in stone. Most people can think on all why, how, when, and what planes. It's just that some people focus more on the 'what' and very few focus on the 'why'.

It's easier to keep a good woman for an LTR if you can fuck her good. That's one of the whys of seduction so keep on learning how. For now, you realized another why. Why did you get into pick up?

Of course, you're beyond the point of memorizing PUA 'what' terms and skillful enough to calibrate 'when' to f-close with proper timing. All learners go through all of these stages.

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Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I said the fucking her is not what cause him to lose her, and what i was trying to explain is that the "not being needy" as a tactic, is being needy in itself... He lost her cause he was not genuine with her...

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No, no, no. Majority of women, even when they want an LTR, will stick around if you fuck them good enough. If Traveler fucked her good enough, she will reconsider and get back with him.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

^ that is true, but according to him, he lost her and he fucked her... So my second take is the being fake...

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Yes, that's probable. But it's more likely that Traveler still has to polish his bedroom skills. Women find it very difficult to break up when they are sexually addicted to you. They'll threaten suicide or murder. Some will even engage you in a probable homicide.

This is usually true when a woman you've fucked has tried other cocks and finds out you're the best fuck she have ever had.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Thanks Hellhound and Skills and everyone else for the great discussion and input.

Just to clarify, I did fuck her good, it's her character which is the way it is. Having had a 5 year relationship that ended badly she was extremely defensive a lot of the way, however liked me a lot. She and I had incredible chemistry and liked each other a lot, but she was extremely cautious with men, and she would rather be independent than go through another possible breakup if she sees the guy isn't completely serious, and unforutnately, just like Skills had said, I had given off false signals that I wasn't completely serious - which was not my intention, I only used my past experiences to "play" this to move it forward, because in the past I became needy or something had always happened which caused me to lose the girl. So I thought this was the way to go. Yet I was wrong, since she wanted signs of true commitment which I was willing to give, but didn't since I feared the same would happen as in my past. I guess the underlying thread behind all of this is fearing losing the girl, and yes I did not want to lose her because I saw a future with her, and when this expectation was shattered it hurt. The very thing I tried to avoid by not looking needy (which came from a point of neediness) caused me to lose her. All because I thought this was the way to do it because I had read about it a lot and my past experiences showed me that this must be how you do it now. But as you said, Hellhound, the how was not important anymore at this point, it was the why. Why am I still talking to this girl? Why am I still wanting something? Why am I not acting needy? The answer was because I wanted her as a girlfriend, and my actions should have been congruent with that whether or not that would cause me to lose her. I focused on an illusion of what I thought she needed, rather than what I wanted. Skills is right that I was being fake. I guess I was not ready for a relationship with her, since she deserves something real, rather than someone who "plays" the game with her.

Traveler have you read models??? get models mark manson, you will thank me later, it kinds of talk about everything we have been discussing here:

http://postmasculine.com/products/books ... 433&opid=1

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Learn the proper way to maximize your results in a dancefloor/club environment, check out my blog and youtube channel:
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http://www.youtube.com/dancefloorseduction

Wrong. Or at the very least, highly misleading.

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