I have tried and tried and tried to make this relationship work. I dont know if I am just not built for relationships, not ready for a serious relationship, or maybe its just simply the wrong girl. I have been with her for about 1 1/2 years now and living together only a few months. It seems at times like we are making progress but other times like we are just moving backwards. I know women can just be irrational in general and not make much sense and the men usually have to do a lot more compromising to make things work than the women do; but am I stubborn or stupid when I refuse to accept that? I cant do it. I cant go through life believing the whole 'happy wife, happy life' saying is true. Am I just destined to be alone? Should I try another girl? All the others I have dated before were the same as well. Please give me some feedback because this is going downhill fast and I need to know if I am crazy or just stubborn (either is totally possible).

I have a gut feeling that saying applies to the average guy who is trodden upon and the average wife who will stick around with said guy.

I feel the opposite, if you make me happy I will give you everything. My girlfriend operates from the former perspective though and it causes tension.

So what does that mean? Have you just decided to deal with it? Do you think you can handle doing that for the long haul?

Thats my deal. I love the girl and I can deal with anything for a length of time...but only a finite length of time. I suppose this will last that length of time and in that time she will either relent a bit and things will get better or she wont and this will end.

I have a friend that says 'if you cant find a good woman, raise one.' There is a lot of truth to that statement.

You have to give more details. What are the issues. That's the only way to figure out if it's you, her or both.

Okay, the details are that she is controlling and wants things her way and is not willing to compromise. The only compromise she knows is when I compromise. She thinks that pointing out that something is wrong is enough to fix it but it is up to me to fix it. I just dont know what to do because I love her and honestly every girl I have been with long enough to classify it as a LTR behaves the same way.

For now I am just trying to give more than I have in the past emotionally; and while I will compromise more than she does I dont give into everything just to pacify her. I refuse to be held an emotional hostage that she might freak out or cause drama because of something I do. This hasnt always been the easiest thing for me to do mainly because I hate drama.

The problem is that you're an enabler. You write that she is controlling and views compromises as you giving her what she wants. You say you don't like this, yet you have developed a pattern of giving in to her demands so you don't have to deal with drama. By doing this you reward the bad behavior and reinforce the cycle.

The only way to truly avoid drama is to be unaffected by it, i.e. you ignore it. You state clearly what you want, and make it clear that you are willing to negotiate, but that you only do this on rational terms. As soon as she becomes irrational, you point it out and warn her. If she continues, you leave and go do something else until she is calmed down. Two things can happen: your relationship can improve, or your relationship can end. Scary, isn't it? But I don't think you are much worse off if your relationship ends. In fact, you are already so unhappy that you are considering to throw in the towel anyway. So when you think about it, you have nothing to lose.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Okay so I guess a follow up to that is a question about compromise. How much does each person have to compromise? Like say for instance when it comes to plans. I am in my 30's and have never really done anything but what I want to do. Now we have to agree what to do.

I see lots of guys here talking about doing what they want when they want and if the girl doesnt like it they freeze them out. I know it is one thing to be the alpha but where is the line? Obviously if you are in a relationship it has to be about both people and not just one. Sometimes I cant tell if I am being selfish with what I want or whether I am compromising too much.

Remember that you are the most important person in your life. Your happiness is your primary goal, there is nothing selfish about that. Of course, if you want to live with someone, some type of compromising is necessary, that much is obvious. But how much you are or should be willing to compromise is something that you yourself decide, not something that I, your partner, or society can tell you.

The same goes for your girlfriend, by the way: she may be unwilling to compromise, but she is perfectly in her right to do so. If the differences are too big, and the willingness to compromise too small, perhaps you are simply not right for each other. But like I hinted at earlier, she will be probably be more willing to compromise if she realizes what is at stake.

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One of the most useful things you will ever learn about body language.

Sounds to me like you've answered your own question.

Happiness should never be a goal because its elusive notion, albiet unattainable due to the law of impermanence. Strive to grow in any situation, particularly the so-called 'bad' situations are the ones where the most growth is to be had.

I feel your pain OP I'm starting to feel the same exact way literally word for word as what you wrote. I've been with my girl a year and a half too.

I understand what a lot of you are saying. IT IS up to each one of us to decide what makes us happy. I guess it all comes down to what you are looking for and whether you and your partner are looking for the same things. I know what she wants from me is normal for most women at a certain age. Most women DO want to settle down and nest. Men are the hunters, we want to keep doing the things men do. I think we may have come to an agreement at this point. She claims not to care that I go do things and that she doesnt need to give me her 'approval' on doing things. She also wonders why I would even feel that way. I explained that although she has said that before, she continues to do what most women do which is to say one thing and mean (or act another). Her actions as a result of me doing things she doesnt approve of or understand is what makes me mad. Dont tell me something is ok but make it so miserable for me to do that I dont even care anymore!

I know a lot of you probably feel what I am saying if you are in a LTR. It is hard and women are just so different from men. I wish they were more straightforward but there must be something about how they are that makes us love them. For now I am going to try to compromise and go forward with her. Not because I am enabling her behavior but because I do care about what makes her happy. However, I also care about what makes me happy so I will do what I need to do as well. That will require her to compromise and stick to what she has said about being ok with things even if she doesnt agree or understand at times.

Relationships can be hard at times but throwing in the towel too quickly has been my pattern and although it has brought me in contact with many many many different women, it has ultimately made me a bit of a loner. As long as we keep trying different approaches instead of doing the same thing over and over we are growing. If this works great! If not, at least I will have grown and learned something new.

I am very Zen when it comes to relationships. I am with a girl for as long as she makes me happy... that could be 3 months or 30 years for all I know.

Accept that every relationship you have is temporary. Every relationship ends. Either you break up or one of you dies. This may sound morbid, but this philosophy helps me enjoy now and not worry irrationally about the future. Think how easy it was to meet your girlfriend. You could repeat that process again and again ad infinitum, but most guys are lazy so they settle for a bossy bitch. Never settle. Demand what you deserve.

Right now you deserve the girl you have. But you could have a better woman if you recognise where you are going wrong. You need to train your woman like a pet. Reward her for being good and punish her when she acts up and makes demands. Women want you to be like this, they like strong men who set boundaries. They nag and whine at men who don't stick up for themselves.

Look at yourself in the mirror naked. You have balls. Use them.

What do you mean by reward them or punish them? Do you mean I could have a better one if I just trained her better?

Recognise that girls will act like a child if you let them get away with it.

Example: You start arguing over something and it spirals out of control because you try to use logic (masculine) to argue with irrational emotions (female). Eventually your girl realises she is losing the argument and causes drama by crying, storming out of the room, slamming doors, refusing sex, guilt-tripping (don't you love me?), lock herself in the bathroom and in extreme cases will threaten to jump out of the window or open the door of a moving car (only happened to me once luckily). The mistake I used to make was I would stop being angry and I would comfort the girl and say 'there there' until she stopped crying. This is how women control you. Usually you don't give a shit and carry on as normal until she causes drama, then you cave in and say "Ok ok, fine you can go to Ibiza with your girlfriends without any panties without me". So you are REWARDING her BAD behaviour, so she learns the only way to get her way is to cause drama, she finds your weak point and exploits it. When you look at it that way its just as much your fault for teaching her that bad behaviour is rewarded with hugs and holidays. Girls learn to do this to their dads from as young as 4 or 5 years old; they are veterans by the time they start dating. The moment you realise you're being blackmailed, you should leave and say "We can discuss this another time if you're prepared to be mature and reasonable about it". Ignore all threats that she will leave you. Let her leave, she's not worth keeping if she will walk out on you at the drop of a hat anyway. In most cases, the threat is usually an empty one to get her way. Then come back a few hours or a few days later depending on how extreme her overreaction was.

Now onto rewarding which is far more important than punishing. When your girl makes you nice food, puts effort into her appearance to look sexy for you, gives you an amazing blowjob, compliments you, does all your chores for you, you reward her with affection, sex, romance etc. Not when she DEMANDS affection, but when she has EARNED it.

Stop trying to "solve" or "fix" a woman's problems with a practical solution, this won't make sense to them.

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