Hi there Wolfwoodd, thanks for the advice, I've read both you're links and I think I have a good shot at turning this around, I have another question though, if I get Alpha about this based on the information provided is there anyway it can backfire on me?

I quote you the sage advice of the community: "To change a relationship, you must risk losing it."

In short, yes, any time you change your behavior in a relationship it can backfire on you.

-Wolf

Ok cool, I have a plan that I would like to run by you if I may?

We're going to a big day out at the weekend [she's paying so at least I've got that side sorted] afterwards I imagine it'll be back at mine and then I plan to try my luck with her, if she refuses I'm planning to "You're right it's too soon after all that's happened, and we shouldn't do this just yet." then I'm going to call her a cab and tell her I've a busy morning ahead and need to go to bed now, depriving her of a sleepover at my flat[her home is a dump] starting the soft-next as planned, however the cab might take like half hour to get here and that's a long time to be silent and ignoring her, so I'm wondering will this plan work if I'm civil to her during that time till the cab arrives? as I wanna imply that thing's are "ok" and then make her sweat it out before I text her four days later?

is it a good idea to do it this way after all the grief that spewed of late or should I just stick to the tried and tested method?

Excellent
That's fine. You don't have to be silent and ignoring her the whole time. Just be doing something that's not entirely focused on her. Check your e-mail or go take a shower.

-Wolf

Now i started doing these thing but screwed up and missed the whole "If you push for more attention when she is trying to get space from you – you will only push her further away from you." And it really went bad. (Wanted to define relationship with her) i broke up with her then came back looking needy.is there any chance it can work again? Im new at this i know it was a big mistake and i learned from it. Any help?

There’s no easy way to fix relationships after they are over. In her mind, consciously or subconsciously, you aren't "the one" for her anymore. At least, not as you are right now. Really the only way to turn this around is for you to leave (in an emotional and physical sense) and come back after you’ve heightened your value.

First, you need to immediately stop the emotional facebook updates. Live in the moment. Don’t dwell on yesterday. Quickly work through your stages of grief, privately, if you must. On the outside, you need to project confidence that you will be dating hot girls in no time. After all, you are a high value guy, right? Fake it until you make it. In the meantime, there are things you can do to very quickly raise your value. 1) Go to the gym 2) Work on developing as much of a social circle / life as you can (yeah, I know it’s not easy, but do your best), 3) go on dates, hit on girls, etc. 4) use facebook to document all your new social activities (post lots of pictures, especially with cute girls).

In the meantime, don’t contact your ex. If she contacts you, then make a point to be polite and friendly, but keep her at arm’s length (for now). Sub-communicate that you are a happy person with a busy social life and a lot of options (i.e. don’t get overly emotional or needy or talk about your problems when you talk to her).

Yes, it seems a bit manipulative.. but it’s no more manipulative than makeup. Guys are attracted to physical qualities, which is why make-up works. Girls, on the other hand, are attracted to guys who display dominant/leadership qualities and add-value in social situations.

After you’ve let some time pass and you’ve developed a good social circle, that’s the time to act. Call her up and invite her to something really fun (ideally something you were going to do anyway). Make sure it involves your social circle. If she declines, wait a few weeks and try again. When she accepts, go out, flirt a lot in a playful way, and have a really good time. Completely ignore the fact that she has a boyfriend (if she has one by then): don’t bring him up and don’t acknowledge her comments if she mentions him.

This is the roadmap to getting a girl back after she’s dumped you. It’s not easy, but it IS effective. I can draw you the map, but you have to be the one to follow it. Most guys don’t. Guys have too many emotions wrapped up in their decision making after a break-up to approach the issue rationally. Furthermore, Disney/Chic-flicks have brainwashed most guys into believing that the best way to handle the situation is to pour their feelings out, write letters, send ridiculous gifts, etc. That would be a big mistake.

Lastly, as of right now you probably have oneitus. Oneitus is like heroin addiction. All you want to do is get more heroin and we are telling you that you need to just stop using it. However, heroin addicts never take that advice. So then we say, "try these other drugs that aren't heroin.. because it's better than doing heroin." (i.e. go fuck 10 other women). Sometimes this work. The best advice is to distance yourself, mentally, from the object of your oneitus for awhile until the effect lessens. People with addictions do really stupid and self-destructive things. Hopefully we can help you avoid doing any more of that (i.e. being needy and overly emotional).

I attempted to write that concisely as possible. Hopefully I touched on all the important stuff.

Now, go watch the first season of Californication. It's good for developing the proper frame of mind.

Alright, I'm giving you my basic response to this question (it's a fairly common question):
I hope some of that is helpful.

-Wolf