Hey guys,

So, it has been more or less one year since I learned about PUA and started learning various tips and techniques. However, I have the impression that I have not progressed that much.

Both my inner and outer game totally sucked initially. So, I focused on the things that could be fixed easily: I started working out, bought more trendy clothes and started meeting more people (usually at meetups or other activities). Even though I always had low confidence (thanks to those bullies that tortured me at school and uni), little by little I managed to change my mindset. I have a good job, am well-educated and have lived in several different countries, so I am not a complete loser. Going to the gym regularly also gave me lots of confidence and I just feel "stronger" for some reason. So, now, I can somehow manage to impress the ladies and get at least their contact details.

For example, I went to various events last week-end and acted confident but also a bit indifferent. I even bullshited some girl how I was into japanese culture and she was staring at me in admiration, lol. Anyway, I got 3 numbers and have already planned to meet 2 of the girls. Now, the problem is that I usually screw up during the next step: I have never managed to get a second or third date.

My weakness is that I cannot "sell" myself nor make a move on a girl. What usually happens is that they act very interested in the beginning but then the attraction steadily falls. I miserably fail at keeping my tempo and I end up passing off as some boring dude. Seems like I do not have enough hobbies to be interesting enough (what can I do? I don't have too much free time to have regular or unusual hobbies, so I mainly hang out with my friends).

I have tried salsa courses and cooking classes but I am really not good at them (lol, at some point the girls were avoiding me as a dancing partner). I know that girls like men who can dance and cook, but I so freaking hate these type of activities. Seriously, if i had to pick up a hobby, it would kung-fu or swordfighting. It's a shame though as there are plenty of decent girls to meet at these events.

I have also tried learning about kino, micro-escalation, how to make small talk, DHVs, routines (which I have never managed to use on the field, btw). For some reason, I cannot get into it. I sometimes am too eager which translates as being desperate and other times I am too distant and they think I am not interested. I have an extremely hard time calibrating. Additionally, there's simply too much material to digest. I don't know what to do. I try not to think too hard about it and get the conversation flowing. but sometimes you do get a moment of silence, which is embarassing. I have observed how natural gamers behave but in vain. I cannot replicate their style. Maybe some guys have and some other are doomed to not grasp these concepts and remain a beta forever...

Moreover, I cannot totally open up to a stranger straight of the beginning. I need a couple of dates or more to feel more comfortable with any person. I suspect this plays against me as attraction does not last forever and I have to hit the steel while it's hot.

I try to remain positive but there are some days when I really feel down. PUA seems to me like sports or arts: you are either good at it or you aren't. You can improve a bit but you will always remain clumsy in the end...

Any advice would be welcome, guys.
Thanks and cheers.

Only advice i can give you, Dont give up. Just keep practicing and practicing. I know most people want that "validation" of sucess that helps them confirm what they are doing is working but thats short lived, you end goal is to have it feel as natural as second nature to you. No one said its an easy process. Some people catch on it quick some people it takes time. Your determination is what is going to make you or break you, i notice many people ususally give up within a year or so ( kind of like the same point you are at) but keep grasping and learning, ask quesitons tons of questions, go out and applie the things you learn. see what works for you and dont work for you. Things i learn is that some method worked for me and some didnt. You will calibrate it to your liking. From your post you already know what you are doing wrong (or think you are doing wrong) Work on those.

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"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

Dude you say if you could pick hobbies they would be kung-fu or swordfighting...so do those!! Plus, think of some fun things that you want to do. Don't engage in hobbies because you're told girls will like them or because anyone else says it's a good hobby. Do it because you want to do it.

There have to be some fun things that you want to do. Have you ever been skydiving? If you want to, save up $200 and go do that this weekend (if not this weekend, make sure it's SOON, or you'll never do it). A girl would love to hear about how you wanted to go skydiving because you want to live your life to the fullest and you like conquering your fears.

What are some things you've wanted to do but never had the opportunity? Bike cross country? Climb a mountain? Explore a rainforest? Surf in the Caribbean?

Pick some things that you want to do and actually go do them. If you don't know what hobbies you want to spend time pursuing, find some. Find a musical interest to take up occasionally. Almost anyone can find a musical instrument that suits them.

Having an interesting life will make you far more attractive to women and you'll also have a lot more to talk about and relate with women.

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My Journal (from AFC to MPUA, still a work in progress)

Mate your situation sounds like mine. I started learning PUA stuff because I was doing online dating and although I could impress girls in writing and so I could get dates, I always failed in getting a second date.

Now after 5 months, I've managed to get a few numbers and date only one girl who turned out to be crazy and insecure! In the last two weeks I've been trying so hard to get rid of her! BTW, still after 5 months non-stop practicing and reading so many things I get approach anxiety upon every single approach, I hardly get numbers unless I open indirectly, and I still don't close the dates successfully.

Having said that I am not going to give up because just learning about the alpha male traits, doing approaches and trying to become a more interesting person have changed me dramatically. Like you I am educated, experienced and well-traveled but I did not have the skill of telling people about all these exciting qualities. Now everybody around me finds me a way more interesting and confident person. e.g. I feel very happy, I walk differently, I connect with new people and I laugh a lot. This is actually said by a person that last year at the same time was seeing a psychologist for depression!

I said that to encourage you to keep doing your approaches and improve yourself. At the moment your goal is to get laid but I think if you set your goal as converting yourself to an alpha male you won't worry about game and number closes and dates.

I blame this partly on the girls. They aren't always that interesting.

I am living proof of how effective pick up can be when learned properly.

I was a virgin until approximately 4 months ago, at age 21, I started learning pick up about 9 months ago. I read articles every day and tried to improve one aspect at a time. In 4 months, I have had sex with 5 girls, good looking girls, and have kissed several more.

The goal of meeting girls isn't to get a second date, it is to get them in bed, once you do that, she will be more compliant. I set up my first dates in two parts- usually a dinner, then movie at my place


A big thing I noticed in your post was that you said you learned the skill of making small talk...you DO NOT want to make small talk. I repeat, because it is so important, you do not want to make small talk.

All the girls that I have been with, I have quickly gotten past small talk and moved very quickly into deeper conversation. Ask about her childhood, her travels, her goals, her passions. Keep the conversation about her, and ask deeper questions, like "why do you want to pursue that career over these other careers?"

You want to be able to get to know a girl very well, very quickly, and small talk doesn't enable you to do that.

Another thing that helped me was writing specific goals. This week I will perfect my walk, next week my voice, the week after that my approach anxiety. Take it baby steps at a time.

My last point is this. The end goal of pick up is not to make you feel good about yourself, the end goal is to make other people feel good about themselves. When you feel good about yourself, you will be much more capable of making other people feel good about themselves. Be the guy who people like being around.

My friend, congrats on taking action to improve your dating life. Unfortunately, you're stuck in a place many aspiring PUAs and men in general get stuck at.

Basically, it's this: At your core, you feel insecure and uncomfortable. You try to MASK all of this by learning routines, filling your head with PUA tactics, trying desperately to categorize female behavior, etc...

The sad truth is that most PUA tactics are bandaids for deeper issues.

If you were already a confident, self-accepting, outwardly focused man, you wouldn't need to learn about DHVs and routines because your behavior would be NATURALLY CONGRUENT WITH ATTRACTING WOMEN.

Stop trying to "sell" yourself and "act" alpha. Start BEING "alpha!" If you're a good product, you won't need to impress anyone or sell yourself. People will line up without the marketing crap!! How do you do this?

1) Create a profile of your ideal woman (or types of women). Most PUAs skip this step and go for the "quantity" over "quality" mindset. This is bullshit. Instead of selling yourself to women who might not be worthy of your effort (other than looking hot), you're essentially selling yourself short. Create criteria for a woman that's worthy of your approach. When you do this, your interactions with women go from, "I wonder what I can do to make her like me" to "I wonder if she meets my criteria of a desirable woman - both inside and out." It's switching from a "seller" to a "buyer" state of mind. THIS IS CRUCIAL.

2) Like most immature PUAs, you seek validation through sleeping with women. You think, "if only I could sleep with X amount of chicks, I'd be confident!" That's backwards. To be truly fantastic socially - as well as independent from outcomes - you need to draw your confidence and self-worth from other areas besides chicks. If your self-worth is dependent on whether or not a girl wants to sleep with you, it's NO WONDER YOU HAVE APPROACH ANXIETY!

3) As the above poster mentioned, social success is about making people feel good about themselves. In the case of women, it's about making them feel like real WOMEN. It's your job to tease them, challenge them, excite them, and just generally bring out the wild WOMAN in them. They love it! If you're stuck in nervous bullshit small talk, a girl is forced to play by her socially-conditioned "safe" role. Fuck that. BRING HER OUT OF HER SHELL AND SET THE GIRL FREE.

Hopefully, that helps. I know my words go against a lot of typical PUA bullshit, but it's the truth.

Good luck!

What are some things you've wanted to do but never had the opportunity? Bike cross country? Climb a mountain? Explore a rainforest? Surf in the Caribbean?

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