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Coming out of years of depression, I feel confident enough to be myself again, and confident enough to go after women like I used to. But I don't want things to be the same as they have/had been...
I haven't had a girlfriend for over two years, and we were only together for two weeks at that. I date online, but when I attempt to make the move from online messaging to texting/phone calls, I usually get some bullshit about "I don't know you well enough yet" or "you have to earn something like that."
I'm not down with that kind of thing; there's something about women setting "terms" on me that's always rubbed me kind of wrong. But the people around me tell me that's just the way it is. In fact, when a woman tells me, especially online, that I have to "earn" her phone number or more pictures, I tell her that I shouldn't have to "earn" anything; she should give me those kind of things because she wants to and for no other reason.
I do sleep with the odd girl every few months, but nothing ever moves beyond that hookup phase. I also date interacially to a large degree (black male); I live in Midwest USA.
So, I'd like a little bit of feedback on what my situation from those who are on the outside of it. Am I doing something wrong? Am I looking for the wrong type of person? Is dating interacially in this part of the country difficult?
I'd like to know where I am so I can know how to best proceed. Thanks, folk.
So, I see a few potential issues you're facing:
1) You're harboring a limiting-belief about yourself. You think that just because you're black in the midwest, that girls are automatically going to discount you, or that it's "impossible" because of the interracial component. Fuck that. The other day, I made out with a white chick who was saying racist shit to my face (I'm also black). It was obvious she was VERY attracted to me, but she was testing the shit out of me to see if my ego would be affected by her antisocial remarks. I wasn't phased, and I turned it around on her real quick by remaining calm and challenging her.
The funny thing about attraction is this: It overrides "social norms" and most social conditioning. As David DeAngelo says, "Attraction is NOT a Choice."
2) You're text game sounds incomplete. It's cool that you're taking action and trying to get girls' numbers. This is HUGE. Unfortunately, it sounds like you're in "chase" mode. That is, women sense that you're trying to chase them, so they play hard to get. What you need to do is build more intrigue when messaging them. Don't "sell" yourself, don't qualify yourself, and don't expect women to just GIVE you their number. You need understand that women get BLOWN UP daily on dating websites. Dozens of guys message them a day, so you really need to stand out. Try to relate to them more by saying things like, "Hey, I noticed you like [one of her interests]. [continue to relate to her based on her profile description]. BTW, how do you like online dating thus far? I'm pretty new to this, but I can already guess your inbox gets flooded by desperate guys daily... is this really that fun for you?"
You'll immediately stand out from all of the mindless chodes who message her with things like, "hey ur sexy" or "girl i can rock ur world lolz." The next step is to figure out how to build intrigue and get her to ask questions about YOU! Just remember to never fully answer her questions and leave her guessing a bit...
Be creative, and be experimental.
But honestly, online dating is pretty hit and miss, even when you do have great openers and learn to build intrigue in your messages. Why not try day game instead?
3) You're right in your mindset about not having to "earn" anything from women. She's not a prize - YOU'RE THE PRIZE. You're on the right path. Just realize it's about "flipping the script" - that is, getting women more interested in YOU than you are in them. This is accomplished through (like I said) building intrigue, challenging them, and understanding common objections/issues women have with online dating.
CHAT
