Hello guys. I need some major advice, and it's pretty embarrassing, so I don't want to ask people in real life.

Here's the short version:
I'm a 24 year old virgin, but I kind of got lucky. I picked up a girl, a really nice girl I might add, in a city that I was just visiting. She showed IOIs, and I returned them. I didn't run any proper game, I just lucked out. Here's the thing, I took her back to my hotel, and I couldn't get it up. I've been kind of concerned about this for a while. I've always been able to jerk off, but over the years it just didn't seem to get as hard. I think it's mostly because of porn. I've been watching porn since I was 11 years old. So after 13 years... it's pretty frustrating.

Here are some other possible contributors. 1) She was on her period (being desperate, I didn't give a shit) 2) She couldn't kiss (I'm not an expert or anything, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to tighten your lips and shove your face into mine) - she was okay looking though, I liked her boobs, and I really liked how freaking nice she was, just as a person.

Oddly enough, I thought the experience was still really awesome. It was so much more fun than I thought it was going to be. For some reason I'm normally terrified of a woman that is interested in me, but this was still great, frustrating, but still awesome. But how do I solve this problem? I'm obviously going to stop watching porn... I mean I'd love to continue, but if I have to choose, I know what I'm choosing.

Should I just reside myself to medication? In other words, see a doctor? See a psychologist or therapist or whatever? Just try again? I felt nervous in the moment, but it shouldn't have mattered. She was so nice. It's not like she walked out. She just laid there, waiting. And it feels dirty to say this, but I really want nothing more than to please women and get off with them.

It's stage fright. Don't put too my attention into it; it happens to more men their first time than you think.

First thing you need to know is that it's okay. It's most likely due to anxiety that you had- overthinking the moment and worrying about it too much.

Tell yourself that it's chill and imagine that you have had sex with five women before. Use your imagination to your advantage and relax next time you're with a girl. Know that it won't affect what she thinks of you- girls usually think it's their fault if you can't get it up.

If you can't relax next time, take a shot or two. It's not a problem at all, just try again.

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well for the "getting hard" problem . don't forget foreplay.. ex) her going down on you etc.
- second.. if she SUCKS at kissing ! you can playfully tease her and tell her how she sucks at kissing and SHOW her "how to kiss" so she pleasures you better

and to be honest those feelings are completely normal. so to be honest you dont need to see a therapist . however IF YOU feel you must then by all means go .

as for the porn thing, YES stop watching porn so you get hard when your with a girl. REFRAIN from porn as much as possible my friend . trust me.

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Its more than JUST picking up women ........ its picking up a LIFESTYLE.

Just relax, do some foreplay and don't drink too much. Also avoid porn as much as you can because your hand doesn't feel like a pussy and maybe you have become too acostumed to your "custom grip" and lost some sensitivity wich believe me will come back if you stop.

However if it continues to happen in the future, go to a doctor and get some fucking aide.

P

Performance related anxiety more often than not leads to poor performance.

You're worried that you will be unable to satisfy her needs sexually and therefore she will reject you as a consequence. In a sense, worrying about this will make it become a self fulfilling prophecy. Relax with her, be present, especially during sex and let your apprehension and fears melt away.

Thank you guys so much for your help. I've been doing some research on the whole porn thing, and it makes a lot of sense to me. I obviously need to stop. I guess that it can take 4-5 months to break the addiction, which is freaking crazy if you ask me. I had no idea. I'm sure performance anxiety played a huge role, but honestly, if I did manage to get it up, I'll bet I would have been pushing rope. I don't want that.

My friend, almost every man has experienced this issue at one point or another. At least 40% of all my sexual encounters involved limp dick at first (due to alcohol) or simply anxiety. The hotter the women, the bigger the chance of anxiety.

I learned to overcome this by literally NOT giving a shit about how well I performed. It's hard for us men to do - especially when we want to "prove" ourselves in bed and give the woman the best possible time.

I hate to say it - but coming into sex with a selfish mindset worked with curing me of erectile dysfunction. When I'm about to sleep with a woman for the first time, my mindset is this:

This encounter is ALL about how SHE will get me off. If I cum within 2 minutes, oh well - at least I had a good time. The funny thing is, after adopting this mindset, my anxiety has COMPLETELY disappeared and I end up going for at least 15 minutes and ROCKING the chick's world.

Outcome dependance is CRUCIAL for having good sex with women.

The next girl you have a change to sleep with, make sure to NEVER worry about if you're going to do well or not. The reality is, you're probably NOT going to blow her mind, especially with your lack of experience. So you might as well have the most fun with it while you can. Through the Law of State Transferal - the more fun you have, the more fun SHE'LL have. It starts with you, my friend.

Good luck.

Hey dude.. I ran into this situation when I was 19.. I was banging girls just fine and then I met this one girl who I didn't get it up for once while I was drunk and she ridiculed me for it. I kept trying to bang her, and i couldn't get it up and she would continue to ridicule me. I stayed in this situation for a few months with her, sometimes getting it up, sometimes not. And she would tease me everytime I didn't.

After we broke up, I would encounter the same situation when I tried to sleep with other girls because I would be reminded of what the previous girl did. I wouldn't give up, I would get naked with girl after girl and keep on trying, but because of the pressure I was putting on myself I would only get an erection 50% of the time. And then I figured out the secret.

I was at my place with this super hot french girl and we were touching each other; I was erected and right before sex she asked if she could go smoke a cigarette. I figured I'd join her, even though I don't smoke unless I'm drunk. Immediately after the cigarette, I was filled with anxiety and all the old damaging retorts the girl in the past once through me came back crashing into skull. Me and the french girl hit the bed, and I get that " I'm not going to get it up feeling". I'm all thrown off at this point, so I'm not even kissing her or touching her as smoothly as I did before. Then it hit me... I say her to " I purposely put my cock on shutdown mode, see if you can get it up, but im going to try my hardest not to let it".

At this point, all of the pressure I once felt is gone because its been thrown onto her. She immediately goes to work on my cock, and gets it up. Make it a game, put the pressure on the girl, and let her bear it for the moment. If she gets it up, she'll be happy she both conquered you in the moment and that she's about to get laid.

This may not be a permanent fix, just a temporary one. Although I've been able to get it up on my own without a problem every since.

Joey

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