| I don't really know why I'm making this post, but it really just came to mind and I have to get it off my chest.
I owe the pickup community so much it is difficult to even know where to begin. My pre-game years consisted of much solitude and masturbation and fantasizing about a specific girl, a LOT of oneitises it isn't even funny. Who was I before the game? I used to be not just the typical nice-guy, but a shy, scared, introverted, typical nice-guy who knew absolutely nothing about meeting girls. I used to rely on cheesy movies to show me the way to romance, and then I would cry because real life wasn't anything like those movies' perfection played out to be. Yes I found myself at 19 and I hadn't even kissed a single girl in my life. I asked a few out, and each time I was met with rejection. Polite, but still rejection and that's what counted at the time.
Then there was this one girl. The perfect one, the one I slowly fell in love with as we worked on a theater production. And so one day in the main hallway, as she was walking with her friends down the busy-ness of lunchtime, I ran up to her from behind and asked her out in front of her older sister. And she said yes. And it was incredible. A rush of adrenaline filled me and put a genuinely impressive smile on my face that beamed light-years across.
And I actually had my first date ever. No. That's not true. My first date ever was when I was 9. I actually learned how to swim for a girl. But that's another story. Anyway, here we are going through our date, I had run up and down the streets so I knew exactly where to go (hey at least I was leading subconsciously). And we had ice-cream at like 7PM and then walked through a park. I can't even remember what we talked about, but we soon reached her door and it was just like in the movies. "Well I had a great time, we should do it again sometime," she said. "Yeah," I said. And we hugged and she walked off. I felt so good.
The following week I couldn't wait long enough and so I ran up to her again and I pulled her aside from her friends in the hallway once more, and took her into the theater. I sat her down in the front row, went up on stage and asked her out in polish. No wait, before that happened her mother walked by in the background and saw the whole spiel, resulting in an awkward 30 seconds of silence. After she had left I asked her out in polish. LOL. She said yes under the immense pressure I put her under.
Again I was incredibly overjoyed, and thus the day before the date came and she cancelled. It seemed like a legitimate excuse since she was moving houses, however I took it the completely wrong way. I felt rejected, I felt abandoned. I felt as if my entire being was worthless. And so I went on holiday to Ibiza for a week.
After the holiday I decided to find out. Find out how I could've gotten her. And so Google popped up, asking me "Would you like to search me in order to get that chick back?" And I said yes, and thus it began.
This was almost three years ago, and I began to read a lot of information. But I did nothing. for the next year I applied nothing of it to my life. I was not even an rAFC, I was a dude who read pickup stuff for fun. It was only in the following year that I decided that enough was enough. I needed some experience. And thus I began to go out.
I failed hardcore for the first two months. Not getting a single kiss, let alone a lay. My Approach Anxiety was probably the worst anyone could've ever felt. I relied on others to open for me. And then I got my first kiss and I suddenly found a little bit of faith in this whole thing.
That was me almost two years ago now. A kid who knew nothing about anything who only wanted a girlfriend.
Who am I now? Almost two years in? Am I an amazing pickup artist if I compare myself to many on this forum? I would in fact describe me as a regular dude now who has the ability to socialize and show his intent to women. I am a little more than a regular dude, because most regular dudes are AFCs. I know game. I understand social dynamics better than most people I know, I understand attraction, seduction, the whole spiel better than most I know. I've gotten laid a few times with several different girls, had many many kisses, and of course, have also failed a lot more than most people I know, simply because I approach more.
But apart from that, I am incredibly more confident when I speak to people. I have ventured into a self-development journey that few if any of my friends could ever find themselves on. I have matured, so much so that at age 21 many think I'm much older simply because when I approach I approach with utter confidence, after the initial anxiety attack of course. I have learned that I can overcome my fears. And I have learned that some fears do not go away, but have to be overcome daily, which is a hassle, but on a self-development route is essential. I do not know anyone who put themselves under the insane amount of stress week in week out that I go through. What do I mean? What I mean is that whilst for most people progress in this game is fast, for me it is tougher than usual, simply because of my shy history and my incredible mood swings. I have to put in a bit of additional work in order to achieve the same amount of success that others do. Even though I may not be as socially talented, I do have my up days, and on those days I own everyone in my path. This comes from the vast understanding of the game that I know have, plus the sheer confidence and high self-esteem that I get on my up days. And I know that I can own, which is cool as well.
I find myself at the stage right now that a normal dude finds himself in, in terms of success, but internally I find myself pushing everything I have to get to that next level. And every once in a while I get an opportunity to truly put my skills to the test, and were it not for the community and the skillsets here I would never have been able to handle extremely delicate situations with girls, such as LMR.
This journey is in no way finished, but it's nice to look at how far I've come. I'm more confident, mature, proactive, sexual, funny, knowledgeable than I could ever imagine myself being back when I was 19 and dry.
I wanted to share this here because, well, it is you guys who ultimately cracked it open and let it grow. Thanks.
|
CHAT
