I'm a guy with huge approach anxiety; where I live most girls don't even look my way even though I'm not unhandsome, and I've been starting to dress better.

Part of the problem is that in my mind, I don't stand a chance with most girls I encounter in the street or online or wherever. I used to have a modicum of success when I was in the right place, being in a student's town and a student's club within that town. I'm not there now and where I live girls are very different from who and how I am, not only girls but also other ppl ofcourse.

But I have to get over this abyss of low self esteem. Some time ago "Brad" from this forum came with an email describing how 30 days of complimenting girls on the street, one girl a day, could help you get over the worst of approach anxiety.

So, I'm now doing my best to compliment girls on the street - no chatting up, just a compliment. However, it's kinda hard. What do you say? The most general compliment you can make (in English) is "you're looking good girl" or "you know you're really cute?"

Today I went to the cheese shop where there is some cute girl. I bought some cheese and said "Can I say you look amazing?" She looked down and smiled and said "thank you". Then I had a little chat about the shop and whether she was a friend of the owner's. So that wasn't too bad. That was really pretty good. I was really trembling when I approached the shop.

Three times now I have said to some girl "You're looking good girl! " (in Dutch, "Je ziet er goed/leuk uit meid"). The first time, the girl was scared. The second time, the girl was like "huh, what?" and I had to repeat myself. The third time the girl laughed it off and said "thanks" in a very simple and matter-of-factly way.

So I'm wondering what tips you can give me on how to continue this 'exercise'. I know I'm not very confident in this and some cheeky confidence can probably make all the difference. I just want to get to the point where the girl will look down and smile so I can make a little chat.

Commenting them on the way they look is better done when you have the confidence built up to be able to face their reaction and not feel timid after you do it. Complementing a woman on her looks will draw her attention to you in a way that she sees it as being hit on, so when her brain looks you over and all the subconcious triggers fire off in it, she will evulate everything about you in seconds because you set that off in her.

She will know everything she needs to know about you based on your body language, fashion, smile, posture, voice tonality, etc. If you're a beginner to this she probably won't see much that will attract her enough, instead her natural defenses would make her want to move on as to not make anything akward. This doesn't mean that she won't be polite, but chances are she will see the compliment as an attempt to hit on her with no action to back it up. She will forget about it soon after you two are apart.

A better thing to do when starting off with just compliments, is to compliment them on something they are wearing, jewelry, shoes, shirt, scarf, whatever she picked that day to put on.

A compliment like that will seem alot more genuine and not bring up her defenses, to her it means you legitimately liked what you saw she was wearing enough to say something. It will make her feel good, especially at the fact that after the compliment you expect nothing from her and move on. A compliment like that will stay with her all day.


Try it out and report back!

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I knew that would be the answer, thanks.

It's a lot harder complimenting them on something they're wearing - I'm not great at fashion and truth be told, I don't like the fashion of the people in my area. But you were spot on with everything and your analysis is great. That's exactly what happened.

So I guess I need to develop skill after all. Well, they other day there was a girl at a festival here and I chatted her up, made some mistakes, learned from them. Didn't compliment her but she was really cute. Wouldn't have been able to compliment her on her clothes though. Loved her hair, loved her face, loved her spontaneity; her clothes were okay but not great.

Guess I'll just keep my eyes open and see if opportunity strikes..

When you're actually having a conversation with a girl you can take a whole different approach. You can compliment her on exactly those things you saw in her, her spontaneity, the way she did her hair, her energy. These are compliments that she rarely if ever gets. So giving them will set you apart.

The way to do it would be something like this, at a pause in the conversation just stop and say, "you know what, I have to say you're one of the happiest girls I've met, your energy is alot different, I really like that" something along those lines and then continue back to the conversations.

_________________
It's Here! - http://www.umpteendates.com - REVOLUTIONARY ONLINE DATING SOFTWARE that AUTOMATICALLY brings the girls to you!!! How I've been hooking up with more than 3 girls a week EVERY SINGLE week for MONTHS!

Complimenting a girl on something she's wearing doesn't work either for me.

The girl will still look like "why the fuck are you talking to me?"

It could work if I was confident, but my lack of confidence ensures I pick the wrong timing, body language and voice.

I think I'm just gonna try exclaiming stuff I think or see. Like "That's a real nice jacket you're wearing!" Words that simply speak what's on my mind. It may not be effective in achieving anything, but what it does (and will) achieve is expressing my thoughts. That means there is some communication and communication precedes union. Staying stuck in my own mind doesn't do me any good.

Like, there was an issue with the cash register at the local supermarket. Some really pretty girl had to come and help because the debit card system was failing. It's a girl I have been admiring for quite some time. I knew at this time that if I said anything to her, it would come out all wrong, so I said nothing. Then when I was walking away I realized I could have just expressed myself. "By god you're such a pretty girl!" "Wat ben jij toch een mooi meisje!"

Anyway, all action leads to success. The only way to stay unsuccessful is to not act.

Heh, the other day I expressed myself in this way to some girl on a website. I said "You're the hottest girl that has ever talked to me." She said "I'm not that pretty." I said "We'll have to disagree about that then." We proceeded to talk and at the end she sent me some nude pic of herself. All pretty pointless, but still fun.

Actually that's not a bad opener. "You're the hottest girl that has ever talked to me." First thing you say. Look at her with a grin.