I am generally introverted by my natural personality trait. I like to think and keep to myself. analyze people, learn things. I can read people very very easily, such as, can tell exactly what there personality is like, how they think, and what not. My problem is I am a introvert who is quiet. I *** hate it! How do i overcome this?

I can't seem to carry a conversation well, either with a girl or a guy, I have freeze out moments, dont know what to talk about, can never find a common ground. For example, I went to a show and tried to find some common ground with this HB7s 'guy friends', I tried talking about the Heats game, cars, where they work, what they do. It was terrible, they wouldn't bite, gave small answers and could not uphold the conversation. It felt like i was being judged and weird.

I just feel down that I can't seem to get a good conversation flowing at times. I try hard to tune up my introvertness to extrovert, but that comes up as awkward for people, since I'm not used to it? Sorry for the rant, just pissed off at my convo skills.

TLDR: cant uphold convo, freezes out, feels awkward, convo flow problem with men/women

How old are you?

I did it right before high school, at summer camp. No one knew anyone else, so the first day was awkwardness all around. Gave me plenty of opportunity to practice.

23 man, I'm pretty open and can do some small talk. I was thinking about it last night, I think its just more I gotta sarge or just say hi to everyone to break out of this bubble. Probably the past weekend was a real downer on me. Just trying to find common spaces with people, and falling so short, really cut the ego. I've been to camps and stuff and opened up just fine for the most part.

Are you in college by chance? If so how much longer do you have left?

This is where your problem is.

You are the one seeking validation and trying to take value from the conversation. Instead, you must be a value giver that people want to take value from during a conversation...

Imagine this... A lawyer and a plastic surgeon are out for the day... just having a good time. What are they doing? Probably eating in expensive restaurants, wearing expensive clothes and shoes that you can't find in stores, smoking some expensive cigar, talking about how good the good life is now that they finally made it... Now, you've got someone who works as a bartender who is an old friend of the lawyer who they ran into on the street and now they are trying to catch up... What type of conversation do you think that is going to be? Probably a conversation something like yours... Where you seem as if you are trying to "impress" or "be nice" to the other group.

Which brings me to this, if you want to not be introverted, you must become extroverted (or atleast at times. I'm introverted sometimes as well but I am also one hell of an extrovert. My brain runs at a million miles per hour.) I would have honestly guessed that you are analytical with out you even saying anything... Force yourself to interact with other people and allow your brain to open up so you can think clearly and also be analytic of your extroverted self so you will become conscious of what the "extroverted" you looks like and how you need to adjust in certain situations.

Go out. Get experience. Analyze what you did right and did wrong. Learn from these experiences. Adjust your behavior so next time you will get a different outcome. You can then talk about those experiences which will ultimately make you a more interesting person, someone who GIVES value to a conversation, and people will want you to stick around.

The biggest issue I find with my students who are introverted is they think there is some magic pill, or some magical answer out there that is going to immediately make them an extrovert. Everything isn't and event, somethings are a process. Keep doing it man, keep putting yourself into social situations and keep expanding on your skillz. Its not going to be an over night change, some persons battles are tougher than others but with enough repetition and practice you'll become that man you desire to be.

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yes still in college,have about 3 years left now! that what I figure, it's pretty much get out there and experience everything to open myself up. really appreciate the advice.

This is a common problem and one that none of the pseudo PUA gurus usually can answer.

They usually just say "just do it" because they've never study psychology and neurology to know any better.

You see the same thing with guys who lack confidence. I remember watching a video by that clown David Wygant who gives some of the most primitive advice on the web. His advice is always just "Man up and be confident!" while yelling at you in a condescending tone.

The problem is these poor guys go out and try, but it only gets worse because they fail and think something is wrong with them.

Despite what others say...THERE ARE SPECIFIC THINGS YOU CAN DO TO ADDRESS YOUR PROBLEM!

Obviously, it's too much for a forum post, but here is an outline of the various methods:

1. Self-hypnosis - We're not talking about the voodoo stuff you normally see. Hypnosis is just daydreaming and someone who is introspective and analytical can do a few exercises to tweak his/her daydreams to create less anxiety and fear of others. Right now...I bet you daydream about a lot of things going wrong and failure more than success. This is the first hurdle that needs to be fixed.

2. Watching others - One of our coaches used to be a student and you would not believe how shy he was. He had just got divorced and was at the lowest point in his life. My boss would take him out and he would only say a few words over 4-5 hour period. HOWEVER, the key thing he did was listen and absorb!

After about 6 weeks, we saw a huge transformation. He became almost a mirror image, and it's pretty scary now how good he is. He even goes out totally alone to bars during the middle of the week. At one wine bar, everyone knows him by name and they even text him when cute girls are in the bar. Plus the manager is hot for him.

3. Make friends at social places - Everyone tends to be more relaxed and extroverted around people you know. As alluded to in #2, make friends at a few social places so you feel more confident there. My boss goes to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch several times a week and sits at the bar solo. The manager, bartender and servers all know him and give him great validation when sitting next to a cute girl. Most of the time he doesn't even need an opening line because the female wants to get in on the conversation he is already having with the bartender/friend.

(Note the above advice is different from bringing your own friends out with you. That approach could be helpful, but sometimes it's just a barrier to meeting others.)

4. Read successful small talk tips - Many guys focus so much on pickup lines and openers, but spend little to no thought on small talk. We dedicate 2 long articles on our website to just small talk and outline case studies to show examples that you can apply IRL. It's part of our membership-only material, but if you want the material, just PM me.

5. Prep your MIND before going out - Most people obsess over their looks before going out, but few people pay attention to their mood/attitude. Again, we have lots of specific tips, but just think how you feel after watching something funny...or maybe watching your team win a big ball game...or hearing a song that really pumps you up. The adrenaline rush works for almost everyone at the gym when hearing a cool song, so the same psychology can apply to social interactions too. If you capture that "vibe", it will impact everything from your body language, confidence, and anxiety.

I'm too fatigued to add any more at this stage, but trust me...you're not alone with this problem and IT CAN BE SOLVED WITH THE RIGHT HELP.

Good luck.

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This is all very good info! Much of it is common sense but I just have a hard time acting on it. I think going out and acting on it will put me in that comfort zone to meet more people and become more social. One thing, I would like to point out is that being introverted is not a problem. Its just how people are naturally programmed, some are introverted, analytical and logic focused, where as, extroverts are out going, must be engaged and controlling. I think like you said it comes down to being able to fluidly display confidence, language, and good vibes. I'm going to try to act upon this during this weekend at a music festival and see how many people I can open up. I really appreciate all the tips on here. The thing I really enjoy about pua is it's not always about using the info to get women, much of it has real world applications in life.

You're absolutely right. Being an introvert ISN'T a problem.

In fact, EVERYBODY is an introvert. Even the people we tend to describe as outgoing, gregarious, etc. aren't that way except maybe 10% of the time.

The "problem" you have is strictly related to some fears and anxieties that make you less comfortable than others around strangers.

Your shyness can come across as weakness, which is not attractive and makes it hard for you attract new people.

Almost EVERYBODY has this problem at some point in their life. Some fix it on their own after years of trial-and-error....some NEVER fix it....some get help to get it fixed.

Hopefully my tips are a good start to help. Best of luck this weekend.

_________________
Sex is like air...It isn't important unless you aren't getting any.

http://optimacy.org

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So, how did the weekend go?

It went pretty decent. I find I talk and do random stuff a lot more when I'm pretty buzzed. Like alcohol is a crutch for me to open up with. How do I enable that feeling all the time though? When I drink, I'm a very different person, I come out of my coyed little shell lol. It was pretty solid, made some new friends, but still had this random awkward silences in conversations. Its like one topic dies, and we just sit there and I can't think of what else to talk about. Am I putting to much pressure on myself? maybe so. I should just be more relaxed and let people run the conversations? I don't know man.

Some more improvements these past 2 weeks by changing my mindset, but I still have a bit of social anxiety, not sure how deal with it.