Thats fucked up behavior my friend. Its LSE freak behaviour. Any chick that does that shit is not LTR worthy. She is trying to get a leg up by mindfucking you its the lowest of the low. HARD NEXT go fuck some other hotties.

Ahh.. the crazy is strong in this one. This is just more petty drama. If she was serious about getting back with another guy, then you wouldn't be finding out about it. Girls are much more discreet about that kind of thing. No, this is just an attempt to make you jealous and get your attention back. Hold strong and remain unbothered.

..or go out and find a girl who's a bit less crazy than this one. 50 phone calls? Ouch.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Cheers guys. She came back with her tail between her legs and right when things got normal again. She does it again today. Cancelled lunch for another guy and said "You can join us if you want" to me. I screwed up because that really pissed me off. She hung up after saying shes rescheduled dinner for him and she was still going to have lunch with me. It's messed up. We're meant to go on a trip tomorrow. Soft next initiated so that's not happening. Cheers guys for this thread. Helping out big time!

Since this thread was released has anyone tried this with success currently doing this

Where is the part 2?

Honestly, parts 2 and 4 just weren't as popular of subjects as 1 and 3... kinda lost interest after that due to lack of feedback at the time. I'm thinking I'll write some more sooner or later. Part 5 would probably be about salvaging break-ups or relationships that have grown stale.

Part 2 (framing expectations): drama-free-relationships-2-early-framin ... ships%20#2

Part 4 (on Monogamy): drama-free-relationships-4-monogamy-vt1 ... ships%20#2

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

*HUG*

I loved all 4 parts of your Drama Free Relationship posts Wolf! Of course some of your points are controversial and I personally could not freeze the girl I've been dating(for 3 months) for 3 days(I've never ran in to serious bad behavior though) but, I still use the same principles in my relationship with her.

Example: About a month ago, my friends, her and I were going out for a friends' birthday, meeting at my place, and leaving around 5 PM. She calls at 5 PM asking if we had left yet, and I told her that we were waiting for her. She said she was just leaving her place(didn't even give a reason why), which is 40 minutes away. I told her we aren't waiting around for her and that she is welcome to come out with us or not but, she would have to drive herself. She obviously comes, and I completely ignore her for the first hour and didn't save her a seat next to me. These are all my friends, who she has met only a couple of times so she was awkwardly sitting there. Eventually I get up to go to the bathroom, she follows me, apologizes for being late and tells me it will never happen again. *This is where we differ* I look her in the eye and tell her that if it happens again that she is gone. If it is only me, then that is one thing, but I find it extremely disrespectful to have others besides me waiting on her arrival like she is some sort of princess because it makes me look like shit. Later have "makeup sex" in a bar bathroom, and she has never been so much as 1 minute late.

Wolfwoodd advises us to ignore and freeze out your disrespectful girlfriend for three days and her text messages and phone calls.

But what if your girlfriend is the type who is too proud to call or text during this three-day period or is not the type to chase after her disrespected boyfriend of five years? What about foolish women who are ready to cut ties with their longtime, high-quality boyfriends because the women feel hurt, wronged, and disrespected by the disrespected boyfriends who freezes out their girlfriends?

BingoBerry earlier this year referred to the three-day freeze-out as "extreme." Also, hey_lover in March 2012 said, "Also, is there not a potential drawback in this, in that the female can also follow suit in ignoring you once you decide to re-initiate contact?"

Thanks for answering my questions above. Also, thanks for responding to the idea that the woman could completely shut you out when you contact her three days later (after she feels wronged and hurt by your "extreme" three-day freeze-out.

By the way, when my girlfriend of five years made disrespectful and somewhat nasty comments to me on the way to her home after dinner and a movie this past Saturday night/Sunday morning, I told her in a calm, mature, non-hostile way that her behavior was disrespectful and not very nice. She then became defensive with me and said that she couldn't understand how her comments were that disrespectful. She did not want to talk about it at all, said thank you (for the night out), and opened the car door and just walked out. I responded by saying that she didn't want to hear what I had to say.

She's the type who is moody and can be super sweet and nice at one time and then can seem angry, resentful, depressed, and disrespectful at another time. She doesn't like to take accountability for her behavior and cuts off communication when she is wrong and confronted about her behavior. I guess it's kind of like walking on eggshells for me (and others too). (Her teenaged son and others have made comments about how his mom (my girlfriend) can inexplicably seem mad.)

Maybe she has a depression problem or some other type of psychological problem. Maybe a three-day freeze-out is not the best course of action in this situation.

It's now early Wednesday morning, and she has not tried to contact me at all. She will probably not contact me and will probably develop even more resentment because of my freeze-out if I don't contact her first.

I seem to be in a dilemma now. Freezing her out will do what I said above. And contacting her first may cause her to think that she has the power to disrespect me in the future.

Please help guys! Thanks for your time and help!

I wanted to add some context here for my previous post so that you have a better understanding of the situation:

While my girlfriend and I were in the car driving to her home, I told her that it was going to be a nice day on Sunday and that we could go to the beach. When she's in a good mood, she'll answer in a nice way and say that she wants to go, providing that she doesn't have other plans. But at that time, she said in a disrespectful way and tone of voice that she had to do something at home. She was deliberately vague.

I thought that her response was a little odd, so I asked in a nice way what she had to do at home. She said in a rude way that she had to do some kind of house work or cleaning. She continued with her rude tone of voice and said in a resentful way, "What, do you want to come over and help me clean?" Her nasty tone of voice and words were meant to imply that I'm a selfish, unhelpful person who never offers to help her or never does help her.

That was insulting to me because I'm just the opposite. I'm a very respectful, kind, loyal boyfriend who not only offers to help her, but does frequently help her in her life in many situations. In fact, I give a lot more in the relationship than she seems to give.

She also mentioned something about my wanting to know about what she was going to do at home instead of going to the beach. She said that I want to know what she is doing but that I supposedly don't tell her what I'm doing. That was annoying because I do tell her about my life.

This brief back and forth with her somewhat nasty, disrespectful tone of voice was very unpleasant. So, I thought it was a good idea and my responsibility to let her know in a mature, calm way that I thought her behavior was disrespectful. That's all! No drama. I was just letting her know that she was not acting nice. I let her know also because what she had just said to me was just one example of many disrespectful behaviors that she can show when she gets into a foul, nasty mood. She acts like this at times, despite, or perhaps because, I make sure that she has a nice time when we go out on trips, dining, entertainment, etc.

I was even more annoyed the next day, on Sunday, because I found out later that she didn't stay at home and clean. No, she went with a friend shopping and out to eat at a restaurant.

There is something else very important about this situation. Sometimes my girlfriend is secretive about the things that she does. For example, when she asks me about my day and how it went, I'll tell her. But sometimes she will deliberately not tell me activities that she has done. Recently, I found out that she went to the movies during the day. But she told me something else when I asked her what she had done. I didn't say anything to her because she didn't know that I knew about her omission. She might have gone with one of her sons and someone else. I'm not sure.

Also, I saw some digital photos of her and another man that he had sent from his iPhone to her email. She thought it was deleted but didn't empty her email trash. In the photos, it looked as if they were near a park where people often go for exercise. She was in her workout clothes.

I didn't say anything about the photos because she didn't know that I had seen them. The guy could be from her work, and they might have just gone for a walk only. But I have told her that I know that she hasn't always been truthful with me about others and that she has some secrets.

He recently sent one of the photos to her cell phone. She texted him back and said that it was a nice photo. But that was it. There wasn't anything else said. She later deleted those text messages.

I wanted to get more definitive information before I confronted her. I'll confront when I'm sure of definite infidelity. But I don't want to seem insecure if only the appearance is not good. Also, I don't want her to be more careful while I'm getting information about her.

First, you'll probably get better responses if you post this in a brand new thread. Also, this is slightly off topic because, honestly, her behavior wasn't bad enough to warrant a freeze out. All she did was say she was busy (in kind of a snotty / bitchy way). Sure it's annoying, but it's not like she was being super dramatic and fighting / arguing with you.

It sounds like your REAL problem is that you think she's cheating on you. That sucks. I agree that her behavior does sound kind of sketchy (especially the bit about her deleting messages from the other guy). Unfortunately, I don't have much advice for you on that front. My girlfriend(s) and I are non-monogamous and I don't really have to worry about this sort of thing.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

This is so gold. Thanks dude!

"soft next" is a TERRIFIC way to setting up a passive-aggressive relationship.

Worst advice ever.

Sadly the guys who follow this will perpetually come back here looking for advice on how to fix their sinking ship of a relationship, left only to wonder where did they go wrong.

Offer an alternative then so we can discern which one is better.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

'If you want to lead a relationship effectively, then these skills are essential. This is how a confident man deals with relationship problems. Beta-males and/or AFC’s will not have the balls to go through with this course of action because they will be too afraid to lose the relationship. Don’t be that guy. '

Everytime I'm about to break down & lose it, I read this. This gives me strength to stay strong. I will NOT be that guy. Thanks.

Lots of AFC or "Plugged In" Talk from a few people on here. Wolf, you have the right perspective. It's not about playing on insecurities or abandonment issues. By and large, we all have those things. What it's about is not putting up with bullshit. A soft next is like a missile attack to her fem-ego. I wouldn't always go for that. It's better to just stand your ground and ask, "excuse me, WTF are you doing?". Often I find that women are clever about not giving you a direct piece of behaviour for you to charge. Guys are more sword vs sword and we know how to combat direct threats, but women are more about the subterfuge. In these cases you have to have there wherewithal to break down each of her behaviours, step by step, starting as early as you can. Play Sherlock. Show her that you're not impressed with her mind games and even though they may be annoying, they are kind of cute in a "kid that spills the juice all over the rug" kinda way. You're a little miffed, but it's hardly gonna ruin your day. Then you walk away like it's no big deal.

I admittedly don't have much game, but I've been in many LTRs with some insane women who I handled with finesse. Enough that they still want me and I still fuck them from time to time.

Another piece of advice I have is to say "No". Sometimes for no reason at all. Say No when it doesn't really matter one way or another. No one likes a Yes man or a brown noser. Say Yes when it matters.

I think it's hard to remember all this stuff and keep your heart. I still have trouble discerning between the two. When you love someone, you just want to give them everything, and I know what it feels like to be on both sides of the fence on that issue. I would love perfect equality without the bias and the "who loves/wants who more" but the longer I live, the more I realize that it's not really possible. Better to take the reigns myself and guide it to some semblance of equality. To let her be someone I can respect, not just a sex object. It's a responsibility, and a tough one for sure, but whenever I've ever let a women have that responsibility, they have failed miserably. Women generally are not as in control of their emotions and impulses as Men are. Masochistic, but true.

It's like the story of the Scorpion and the Fox, or the Spider and the Frog. If you haven't heard it, you should. Women aren't trying to hurt you or shit-test you. It's just in their nature. Bred in after millions of years of evolution. There is no malice in it (ok maybe with some).

And I'm gonna stop now because I'm going all rant-y and losing my train of thought.