Is this situation recoverable?



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 2:12 am 
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Hi all, I'm pretty new to PUA. I've been doing a lot of reading and trying to integrate what I learn into my life. However, I still get snagged up in some areas and revert to my old mentality regarding women. If you can give me some advice regarding the following situation, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I met this girl in my lab at college, and we both recently graduated. I've been asking her to hang out for a while, and I had a notion that she was into me. We both went to grab drinks recently, and we started talking about relationships. Eventually this led into "guys that've liked her" and so on. I asked her "what would you do if I liked you?", and she told me that she would just see me as friend. She asked me if I did, and I was a bit shocked by her response (because of her perspective), so I played it off. Later, against my better judgment, I fessed up and told her, just to get it out in the open. She told me that I'm nice, intelligent, and attractive, but she wouldn't date me simply because she (24) has dated immature 22 year olds before and she needs to draw the line "somewhere". She told me if I was 26 that she would date me. The entire time, I did not attempt to change her mind; I explicitly told her that it's up to her to decide what's best for her, and that was that. I also told her that I typically don't talk to girls after things like this become clear. Later, it was time to leave (she told me that day I could sleep over at her place). When we got back, she told me I can sleep anywhere I want, and I told her I'd crash on the couch. She then said that SHE wanted to sleep on the couch, and I told her I wasn't going to move. (Here's where I blew it): She said "fine" and threw herself on top of me on the couch. I tried taking off her shoes, and she would playfully hit me, etc. I stopped eventually because I was really confused as to if she was sleepy or horny. She then left and went to her room to sleep. The next morning, I left her place and sent her a text (mistake #2) saying that I think she's genuinely beautiful on the inside/out, etc. and I wish her all the best in life. I also left her a 20 dollar bill on her table because she had mentioned she was running low on cash. She never replied to my text. Turns out, I forgot a key on her table (go figure) and I met up with her the next day. Prior to meeting up with her, she told me she thought she had a week from hell and was getting her period, and boy did it show. She barely smiled when she saw me the next day, told me I made her feel like feel like a hooker for leaving her 20 dollars (and that she didn't want my pity money), and didn't try to make conversation with me at all. When we got to her place, it was a bit awkward...she kinda stood staring at me for like 2 min, with me staring back thinking and asking her wtf? I asked her to take a seat (to which she laughed and replied, seriously? and then said fine and walked over) and I told her that (mistake #3) I was sorry if I hurt her feelings regarding the text I sent her and that I did want to hang out with her more. She told me okay, and also "just to let me know, me being there was making it worse because she was in a mood and wanted to be left alone". I also asked her about the whole throwing herself on top of me (mistake #4?) and she laughed, threw her hands up, and said she was simply sleepy and wanted to crash on her couch. I then took her leave, and went downstairs, trying to find my train schedule. I then heard her like scream or yell in frustration from her apartment as I was walking out the door. I'm kind of confused on where to go from here next? I understand that I should be dating more women etc, and I recognize that there are many women out there. However, I wanted to know specifically if this situation is recoverable and/or any steps I should take from this point on in order to grow her attraction for me (which I think she has, correct me if I'm wrong). She is an incredibly hard girl to read. I also know I've exhibited a lot of Beta male actions on behalf of my part, so any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time and attention and I look forward to hearing from you soon!


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 3:51 am 
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that sounds fucked up. i would say that if she really didnt want anything from you(sex), then she wouldnt be messing around and throwing herself ontop of you at night. i mean, if shes as mature as she implies and she didnt have any itnerest in fucking you, she wouldnt take any chance of sending you the wrong signs, and that couch incident would be no doubt be a wrong sign, so i think she wants to fuck. im new too so i cant really say what to do next except that if she does something like that again-fucking go for it man.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 11:18 am 
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Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 3:16 am
Posts: 400
I cringed hard.
1. You do NOT tell a girl that you like her until she FUCKS you and TELLS YOU SHE LIKES YOU FIRST.
You shouldn't have steered the conversation in to the BFFs/share this with your sassy gay friend territory. You could have escalated it sexually by talking about things you find hot in women (making no reference to this girl whatsoever).
2. verbal escalation is ALMOST USELESS, especially in person. You should have used kino to escalate. Start with playful touching, progress to sensual touching, and then sexual. Read her and escalate until she stops you. Tone it down at first, then escalate again until she stops you again. If she keeps stopping you at the same level several times, stop kino and freeze out.
3. You should have escalated physically when she got on the couch with you, and a proper escalation does not include undressing a girl before you ever even kissed.
4. the 20$ on the table... holy shit dude...

Basically, you messed this one up so bad, I wouldn't even bother with this girl. Find a few new ones and start with a clean slate.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 6:43 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2011 3:55 pm
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Location: MD
Quote:
I cringed hard.
1. You do NOT tell a girl that you like her until she FUCKS you and TELLS YOU SHE LIKES YOU FIRST.
You shouldn't have steered the conversation in to the BFFs/share this with your sassy gay friend territory. You could have escalated it sexually by talking about things you find hot in women (making no reference to this girl whatsoever).
2. verbal escalation is ALMOST USELESS, especially in person. You should have used kino to escalate. Start with playful touching, progress to sensual touching, and then sexual. Read her and escalate until she stops you. Tone it down at first, then escalate again until she stops you again. If she keeps stopping you at the same level several times, stop kino and freeze out.
3. You should have escalated physically when she got on the couch with you, and a proper escalation does not include undressing a girl before you ever even kissed.
4. the 20$ on the table... holy shit dude...

Basically, you messed this one up so bad, I wouldn't even bother with this girl. Find a few new ones and start with a clean slate.
This and for the next month-2 months its not recoverable you got to establish much higher value.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 6:59 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 8:24 pm
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Quote:
Hi all, I'm pretty new to PUA.
You sound like you are pretty new to normal social skills, let alone PUA! Seriously dude, you're lucky this girl even took the time to respond to you, most girls would've run a mile by now. The moment a girl mentions guys she currently likes, you are friend zoned.

This post is so full of fail I don't even know where to start. Stop asking a woman what she likes, stop asking permission.

Serious question, are you a virgin?

.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 10:55 pm 
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Thanks all for your advice. I'm definitely going to take into consideration what you had to say and try to apply it in order to better myself and my understanding of women. And Hunter, yes I am (and I do lack social skills as well). Growing up my parents were quite restrictive of me having friends, etc. and this carried through even in college. I never had friends growing up and I never went out or hung out with people much in college. I could sit here and try to blame everything on my upbringing, but ultimately I've realized that I am exactly where I am in life because of me. Because I'm tired of having things not go my way with women, I can't make excuses as to why I'm not better with women or why I don't live a "fun" lifestyle, but I do know that I can better myself in order to become the man that I know I have the potential to become. Any other advice or comments would be greatly appreciated and again, thanks for taking the time to respond to my post!


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 11:25 pm 
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No problem! We are here to help. Check out the Social Shyness section of the forums and try building up confidence making friends with more guys first and instead of dating / gaming, try making female friends too. Girls love being matchmakers. Once you have a wider network of male and female friends, you will find it much easier to be confident talking to strangers and meeting new people. Learn to be normal socially, look people in the eye during conversation until it feels uncomfortable. Stare people out, force them to look away etc. Make conversation with cashiers and shopping assistants. People who are paid to be nice to you basically. The world is not such a scary place.

Don't try to run before you can walk, or you will fall flat on your face every time.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:08 am 
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Joined: Mon May 20, 2013 11:58 pm
Posts: 116
Quote:
Hi all, I'm pretty new to PUA. I've been doing a lot of reading and trying to integrate what I learn into my life. However, I still get snagged up in some areas and revert to my old mentality regarding women. If you can give me some advice regarding the following situation, I'd greatly appreciate it.

I met this girl in my lab at college, and we both recently graduated. I've been asking her to hang out for a while, and I had a notion that she was into me. We both went to grab drinks recently, and we started talking about relationships. Eventually this led into "guys that've liked her" and so on. I asked her "what would you do if I liked you?", and she told me that she would just see me as friend. She asked me if I did, and I was a bit shocked by her response (because of her perspective), so I played it off. Later, against my better judgment, I fessed up and told her, just to get it out in the open. She told me that I'm nice, intelligent, and attractive, but she wouldn't date me simply because she (24) has dated immature 22 year olds before and she needs to draw the line "somewhere". She told me if I was 26 that she would date me. The entire time, I did not attempt to change her mind; I explicitly told her that it's up to her to decide what's best for her, and that was that. I also told her that I typically don't talk to girls after things like this become clear. Later, it was time to leave (she told me that day I could sleep over at her place). When we got back, she told me I can sleep anywhere I want, and I told her I'd crash on the couch. She then said that SHE wanted to sleep on the couch, and I told her I wasn't going to move. (Here's where I blew it): She said "fine" and threw herself on top of me on the couch. I tried taking off her shoes, and she would playfully hit me, etc. I stopped eventually because I was really confused as to if she was sleepy or horny. She then left and went to her room to sleep. The next morning, I left her place and sent her a text (mistake #2) saying that I think she's genuinely beautiful on the inside/out, etc. and I wish her all the best in life. I also left her a 20 dollar bill on her table because she had mentioned she was running low on cash. She never replied to my text. Turns out, I forgot a key on her table (go figure) and I met up with her the next day. Prior to meeting up with her, she told me she thought she had a week from hell and was getting her period, and boy did it show. She barely smiled when she saw me the next day, told me I made her feel like feel like a hooker for leaving her 20 dollars (and that she didn't want my pity money), and didn't try to make conversation with me at all. When we got to her place, it was a bit awkward...she kinda stood staring at me for like 2 min, with me staring back thinking and asking her wtf? I asked her to take a seat (to which she laughed and replied, seriously? and then said fine and walked over) and I told her that (mistake #3) I was sorry if I hurt her feelings regarding the text I sent her and that I did want to hang out with her more. She told me okay, and also "just to let me know, me being there was making it worse because she was in a mood and wanted to be left alone". I also asked her about the whole throwing herself on top of me (mistake #4?) and she laughed, threw her hands up, and said she was simply sleepy and wanted to crash on her couch. I then took her leave, and went downstairs, trying to find my train schedule. I then heard her like scream or yell in frustration from her apartment as I was walking out the door. I'm kind of confused on where to go from here next? I understand that I should be dating more women etc, and I recognize that there are many women out there. However, I wanted to know specifically if this situation is recoverable and/or any steps I should take from this point on in order to grow her attraction for me (which I think she has, correct me if I'm wrong). She is an incredibly hard girl to read. I also know I've exhibited a lot of Beta male actions on behalf of my part, so any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time and attention and I look forward to hearing from you soon!
you gotta be more dominant otherwise shell find somebody that will. i think when she threw herself on the couch with you and you tried taking her shoe off and she hit you playfully she was all in to play around a bit but then you just stoppod so she left.


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