Quote:
At a house party. Girl that used to have a crush on me/wanted to fuck, showing signs of attraction all night, keeps saying she is "tired" and all of this shit, so I head to bed with her. Lays down in bed on her phone with her ass sticking up. I come up from behind and lightly grope her ass and snuggle beside her and begin to attempt to kiss her neck and hair, keeps saying she is tired, all of a sudden her friend knocks, I had the door locked because I planned on fucking this girl. Girl goes to open door for her friend, friend says "well this is awkward"
Girl says "don't worry we're just going to sleep"
So I lay there for another minute, and I say "well I'm going to go back out and check out the party" she agrees, we leave the room.. Basically I'm heading to bed now and she's probably elsewhere fucking the shit out of some other dude.
Obviously I fucked up and should have kept being persistent, however, there's a possibility that she doesn't view me as a sexual threat.... But why would she follow me to the bedroom? I obviously fucked this one up, so just tell me, what should I do differently in this situation?
This is a good post because I can clue you guys in on something we teach clients at Optimacy.
When a girl says she is "tired", DON'T assume they want to go to bed and sleep with you. 9/10 times it means they really are tired...especially if they are saying it in normal conversation.
Some girls will say they "are tired" facetiously in the middle of making out/flirting as a code to "let's go some place more private". However, if you weren't getting any action when she said she was tired, then it meant she really was tired.
What you do/say after she says she is tired is CRITICAL. Nothing will corrupt your chances more than screwing up here.
This is also the point where we at Optimacy differ from a lot of PUAs advice. Many of these pseudo PUA gurus are over-confident, and think they can change a girl's mind no matter what. Thus, they come up with all these routines to try in this scenario and get excited when one of them works 1% of the time.
In addition, some guys get too horny and let the wrong part of their body guide their actions (which I think happened here).
In either case, the RIGHT answer is not to push things AT ALL.
When she said she was tired, you should have just said something like...
"Really...I'm just getting started. Why don't you come in this room and go to sleep? I'll be out here partying if you need me."
Notice the words I chose....I didn't insult her for being tired or give her too much grief. I just implied that she is going to miss out on something because you are "getting started".
I also made you look like a gentleman without being a wuss (i.e. you're going to show her a place to rest and you are available if she needs anything, but her "tiredness" isn't going to stop your fun).
Here is another tip a lot of PUAs overlook...almost any woman who sleeps with you (except those under the influence of liquor or drugs) needs to feel safe and comfortable around you. Even the girls who are freaks in bed require this too. In fact, it's there comfort level that MAKES them more freaky in bed.
If you would have used that line I gave you, odds are good she would have only stayed in the room alone for a few minutes and come back out to see what she was missing. She would have also respected you for being a gentleman and making her feel safe, while also preserving the excitement of needing to "catch you" because you kept on partying.
Instead...you totally perved out and made yourself look desperate. You followed her to the room like a puppy dog and then tried to make a move on her when she wasn't even feeling it. This is the kiss of death for ANY guy, and it will be tough for you to recover from this.
CHAT
