Getting too attached after sex...



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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2013 2:42 pm 
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I loved the post about the oxytocin. It makes it feel like its a natural feeling. Though we dont have to give into it.

I wonder, when you mentioned about "revenge." After doing stuff with a girl, they'll get highly attached and send me a billion messages and calling me through out the day. I cant always get back to them. But if I dont respond for many hrs when they're in that lovey dovey mode, when i DO get back to them they seem like they've lost interest (at least temporarily.) How do you guys interpret that though?

I dont think I sound that attached.
Revenge as in "I'm going to get back at my ex, or the guy I have feelings for whos gone and had sex with another girl"

I'm at that stage too where they won't stop texting, IMing, calling etc. then they get upset that I don't message them back quick enough. Girls just seem to fall for me now since I managed to handle my feelings.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2013 5:29 pm 
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Thanks @Strelok ...

She deleted her OKC profile, too. Also, come to find out, she broke up with her BF of 1.5 years just a month ago...

Credit this to rebound?


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2013 11:45 pm 
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Yeah its weird. Does anyone know if theres a way to keep em, even if it's after a rebound? Im guessing lots of DHV and making yourself dif from any other guy


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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2013 2:03 am 
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On a side note, perhaps someone could shed light on this:

At this point she's been leading conversation ("what are you up to tonight? etc.) and eluding to the idea of hanging out, and after I suggest it she doesn't respond for an hour and then declines. It seems like she's trying to flex the fact that she has control or is enjoying the fact that she does. Any ideas why? If I wanted to hook up more (which I sure as hell wouldn't mind), how could I turn this around?
So, she hadn't responded to my last two messages. One was in conversation on Monday morning, and she didn't answer a question, and the other was last night at about 8PM asking if she was enjoying LA (she hates LA).

I received a text from her today at about 2:30. Please see the images below and give any criticism on my game or ways that I could have different approached it differently in efforts of getting her to continue convo, escalate, etc.

There is racist humor in this because she's half middle eastern and she loves the creativity/insults. Hope no one takes offense.

Image

Image

Two points that I feel were misses were that I tried to lead her to asking where I'm going (I'm on a TV show in Atlanta, big DHV)... And secondly I tried to influence escalation with the groping comment with little response/reaction. She's very shy normally (except at my house when she spontaneously grabbed it). I'm not the best at escalating though (don't be too hard on me). I left off on my note by not exactly giving a message that would easily induce further conversation, which she expectedly did not. Is there a better way to end it?

I know I've come off clingy/needy, that's a fact. I can typically tell when it's time to throw in the towel and give up... but something about this tells me it'd be possible to continue the F buddy or whatever else. Am I just being naive?


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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2013 11:37 am 
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You did well here, don't worry. Look, she seems attracted and you should just assume it. A god thing to remember is that you stop texting first. That means that if you feel the conversation has come to a natural ending, then stop sending her texts, be the first one to cut it off. Every text should add some VALUE, and your last text did not at all. So it was pointless, see? Could've ended it with her text and left it at that, would've kept her wondering why you're not responding.

Just get her out now and take her back to yours again.


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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2013 11:47 am 
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You did well here, don't worry. Look, she seems attracted and you should just assume it. A god thing to remember is that you stop texting first. That means that if you feel the conversation has come to a natural ending, then stop sending her texts, be the first one to cut it off. Every text should add some VALUE, and your last text did not at all. So it was pointless, see? Could've ended it with her text and left it at that, would've kept her wondering why you're not responding.

Just get her out now and take her back to yours again.
Good point. I suppose that I sent the last check more so to show that I wasn't prying for conversation. Your solution would have been even better.

I'm probably going to just give it until Sat/Sun when I'm not working and msg her.

Thanks again man.


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PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2013 2:30 pm 
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You did well here, don't worry. Look, she seems attracted and you should just assume it. A god thing to remember is that you stop texting first. That means that if you feel the conversation has come to a natural ending, then stop sending her texts, be the first one to cut it off. Every text should add some VALUE, and your last text did not at all. So it was pointless, see? Could've ended it with her text and left it at that, would've kept her wondering why you're not responding.

Just get her out now and take her back to yours again.
Good point. I suppose that I sent the last check more so to show that I wasn't prying for conversation. Your solution would have been even better.

I'm probably going to just give it until Sat/Sun when I'm not working and msg her.

Thanks again man.
Her ex BF of 1.5 years that she broke up just a month ago... was it her that ended it or was it him? If it was him that ended it she might be attached for quite a long while rather than if it was her that ended it.

As for your texts, I think you've got pretty good text game. As Tr@veler was saying you don't need to worry. When you start to feel that neediness kick in, just hold off from texting her until you feel yourself kick back into high state. "Don't resist the neediness, just let it flow through your body" Another thing about what Tr@veler said, if you feel the conversation might start to die down, end it on a high note! and stop texting, trust your gut intuition on this and not that urge from the needy feeling.

As for the situation as a whole, as fickle as girls come this can go into many different directions that you can't possibly control, especially if shes still in love with her ex. She seems like somebody you could keep around for a long time even just as a friend, shes got that certain humour about her which I like. Take her with a pinch of salt, don't let the line go slack but don't chase either (Cat String theory), and it would be a good idea to get on with your goals and date other girls in the meantime so you don't feel so much like you need her.

Just keep yourself centered and let her orbit around you.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2013 12:21 am 
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Some great advice, guys... Thank you! I like the idea of not letting the slack go too much.

I reached out to her last night since I had an opportunity to spin off of a previous inside joke and send her a pic of my rental car "dream car" I got (Yaris). She went with it well and it led to her asking me where I was... What I was doing... And that I had to shave my facial hair. She said she wanted to see, so I said "Nah, I liked it better when you thought I was attractive" and she responded "I could never not think that. Yeah, deal with it."

So I agreed, and asked if I could at least get some clothes on first... She said "sigh if you must... :P" ... I told her the one condition is that if she sent a photo too with no facial hair, she laughed and agreed. I sent mine and said ok, now for your end of the deal.

No response for seven hours when she said "I fell asleep" "you look cute "

I didn't respond since I was on set all day, but is this a scenario where you just let it be? She didn't send a pic... But I'm just curious of what you all would do. I have plenty to say to her, but don't know if/when I should.

Thanks again for these tips. Super helpful.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2013 5:50 pm 
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So I agreed, and asked if I could at least get some clothes on first... She said "sigh if you must... :P" ... I told her the one condition is that if she sent a photo too with no facial hair, she laughed and agreed. I sent mine and said ok, now for your end of the deal.

No response for seven hours when she said "I fell asleep" "you look cute "
This calls for a freeze-out.. "Don't send her a message at all until she reaches out to you" You'll have to rely on your own intuition on this, but from what I can gather, If she doesn't reach out, I wouldn't speak to her at all for a couple of weeks or even a month (but that's just me, so take this advice with a pinch of salt).

As for the picture, you gave your power away when you sent her a picture first. You should of said, "i'll send you a picture if you send me one first, and make sure you're looking sexy ;)".. Then when she does, you could of teased her by saying her hair or lipstick wasn't done right etc., unless she was half naked in her underwear, then you could of rewarded her with a compliment.

I don't think this is the end of the road, but remember this can go into any direction. The only thing you can control is yourself. You're going to go through some pain now and again but thats okay, its all part of the journey man. :)


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