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what is 'normal' for how long a dude goes on having sex before ejaculating?
There isn't a "normal" time. Everyone is different since it depends on a number of things. Different studies found different things, but most agree that the average time is somewhere between 10-20 minutes.
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how can you make yourself last longer?
There are different things you can do. Number one is look up kegel exercises. It's something you can do anywhere anytime and nobody will know. Number two thing I would suggest is, as JRBobDobbs said, treat the whole sexual act as sex. If you're worried about pleasing your girl, know that women orgasm more often from clitoral stimulation, not the actual penetration. Put a lot of emphasis on your foreplay and less on actually fucking her. It's easy to make her orgasm within minutes with your hands if you just know what you're doing. Look up the book "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner. Once you learn how to use your dick less, you can vary- when you're about to bust, pull out and use your hands. Treat it like an artist who actually puts thought into what he's doing, not a dog who's just trying to bang it out.
If you're worried about just getting your own pleasure, don't give a fuck how long you last.
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