Quick update

One thing i've learned this week: do not let an opportunity get to waste. No matter which opportunity it is. You can always learn. Basically i almost broke my goals set last week: to hit every training session and yet i bore through and just grinded teeth to go get over with it (yesterday and today).

I am pleased to say that i have never had this good a week physically before. Every training was intense and i made some progress i didn't think was inside me. I have promised to myself now not to miss out a single session as the more progress i make the more i want to improve. Long story short: even with a really exhausting or bad day you can still salvage something great. Motivation is high up above right this moment.


Tomorrow is a party i am invited to and luckily it is of a different social circle: i know some of the people attending but not many and this gives me an opportunity to sarge. I am still going with the whole sober month trial and this actually gives me another new experience: i've always had a few drinks before sarging, but tomorrow i am not going to drink a single shot. Keep my head clean.

New field report should follow according to that.

Entry 15

Quick note: the time on this forum (+12h) might be a bit misleading, at the moment it is early monday morning in my place (0:39).

This weekend was a bit of a waste from the sarging succes point of view. Need to push a bit more, go out more and sarge more.

About the party on Friday

Was a nice party and i managed to keep my promise not to drink even when almost everyone else was getting wasted as hell. Honestly, i did not miss alco. Also, interactions were not harder (i've always thought i need a drink or two for good initiation).

The problem was the layout of the place. The place was basically one room (and one more, though noone was there) and it was really difficult to do any sarging as it was tight and dark and i couldn't see anything. So 'opening sets' kind of did not happen and i'm disappointed at myself for this. Later went to city centre but it was a dead scene and well, sarging is being left for this week.

Thoughts

- alco is not necessary. i like the action/activity it gives me of sipping a drink every once in a while but the actual getting drunk part i am working on to root out. so maybe drink (one beer or) a glass of whiskey from now on. still got almost two weeks to go til the month is up on the sobriety project
- being sober at night outs gives me a hell of a lot more time on the following day on weekends; the time i would need to straighten out in the mornings i can now direct at being productive in other things. think i won like 4-5 hours this weekend
- hold the frame of being confident. straight back, speak up, don't let anyone diss you. at the party there was an incident of banter where i was being DLV'd but i managed to brush it off and my confidence got a boost

What next

I've been thinking about trying out daygame. I have not had much success with it before mainly because i have not exercised it. Read a great article about coffee shop game in another forum so i'm looking into it as well. Night game i leave for the weekends and the rest of the week i need to improve my day game, otherwise it is a waste.

Again, hit every training session, write at least 7-10 hours per week, no drinking alco and feel good of the improvements i make in every possible field.



Another thought

I thought i'd write here what i see myself in improving towards. What i want. Sarging as such or generel interactions for me means spontaneous and intuitive communication first and foremost. I don't want to be dependant on canned material or some lines i've prepared before, i want to be fully self-reliant and be a natural communicator. I want to be a very honest and open person, that way i feel alive and i believe it brings me the best possible results. I don't want to mumble something i've prepared two hours before, i want to do things as they come up.

Also, in order to start feeling more comfortable, i need to up the ante on kino. Get relaxed with touching people and not feel awkward about it.

There. Just a thought on what way i want to learn how to present myself. To feel natural, safe and open but at the same time knowing when and how to take the converasation to where i want. Be confident.

Entry 16

Bit of a half a report here this time. About Monday evening, actually some 6pm (so almost a full day after the last post from the time perspercive). Went to a bar, just a cameo apperance, i wanted to say hi to the bartender. Saw two girls sitting behind the counter, one of whom i used to like a lot some time ago, even got a number but it didn't lead to anywhere as she is a high-attention girl and always had a bunch of people around her. Plus she isn't that into me as well, only on a friend level.

Field report, then. I sat next to the girls and started talking to them. They were studying so i made fun about that which made them laugh a lot. Genuine conversation, but i didn't take it anywhere seductive. I think i can take this as daygame as they were doing homework and it was very early with not a lot of people. Although it was easier for me because i already knew them, so i need to talk to strangers more.

In the end it didn't get to anywhere and i left to catch a bus. Spent like 15-20 min or so with them. Wrote the girl later about an inside joke we came up on the spot with.

Tonight

I'm going out to watch football tonight, maybe go somewhere later on as well, haven't decided about it yet. As always, if there is anything to report, i will.

Quick update

Going out tonight. There is this fest on which is supposeldy going to end 00ish and there are going to be swarms of people out later tonight so i can't miss this opportunity. I'm in for the aftermath.

Talked to a girl i had a crush on a while back. She is very nice and cool. I had a date with her like last December or something because she lives in another city but which is basically turning out to be a date/hangout every time she gets back here. Not much sarging in this situation but hey, who knows.

I'm planning to make a well, training plan for the summer. But for that i need to start warming up, go out to jog every now and then because i want the summer to be mad intense. Going to end the sober period tonight as well, but i'm confident i won't drink myself stupid again because these past 3,5 weeks have been very good physically and i have not endured from a desperate wish to drink alco. Take things easy.

New entry should follow tomorrowish.

Entry 17

Last night was interesting. Lots of people in the town, hit lots of venues. Went out with a wing of mine.

First set

Firstly we hit this casual bar, not many people in there. Didn't approach. Went to a second bar, the lounge i roll a lot in, again there weren't many people as well as the night was young. We zigzagged in different spots until i met the girl i was talking to earlier online. The one i had a crush on a while back. We talked a bit, she had a naggy friend, the barbie mindset pink type/the wooh-girl who likes to scream a lot and act out. She kind of destroyed my whole mojo with her nagging so i just confirmed the date with the girl i was talking to and my buddy and i went to the next place, back to the lounge.

Second set

As there weren't many sets to open we had a drink (i ended my sober month or so but more on that later) and two girls came over and asked if the seats next to us were open. I took it as an approach opened for us and we started talking. Now there were a couple of things wrong. Firstly, one girl was boring and without any particular looks, quite bland. The other one was more pretty but she was a complete mother hen (the overprotective bitter friend). I decided to pursue none of them and they went on to another place.

Now my wing and i hit another lounge a bit later, a shot bar/club hybrid, a place i don't go a lot. Those two girls were there so we restarted the conversation. I decided to follow my wings advice to not give a damn and pursue the bland girl. We were sitting and i was doing this thing i learned from Gambler: work your hand all over the back of the girl as noone notices it because of the sofaback. Stealth seduction. My other hand was on her thigh going up and down her legs. She was giving mad ioi's. Then this mother hen started going over and over about her issues with me and my wing. Destroying banter and good vibe, asking twenty questions (i replied "what are you a lawyer" with humor but she got fired up and acetd all out). I felt really bad for the wing who got stuck with her. I told him to sarge someone new with whom he had a better chance but he didn't want to.

When i eventually went for the kiss-close (the target was all like "what would you like to do"), she pulled away and went to the mindset of "oh my god what are you doing, stop". Last minute resistance/shields up which ended in messing up my game. Sexual tension was in the ceiling but she pulled away nevertheless. I excused myself and went for a walk around the place.

Set three

I saw a girl i went to the same class with, who i hadn't seen in like 6 years or so. She is a really pretty blonde and a very high end girl who constantly has like a zillion guys around her buyng drinks and stuff. She was in a set i decided to pull her away from. I went to her "hey, how have you been?", pulled her away. Instantly one-on-one. As i was mad at the last set i thought was a sure close, i decided not to waste any time and see what happens. Put my hands around this girl and worked up a lot of kino. We chatted for some time, she was really kind and happy. Maybe because she was also pretty drunk.

Then another sticking point decided to intervene. The red light clicking in the back of the brain flickering about "if you mess this up it will totally be out of the blue and you'll make a complete idiot of yourself". I didn't go for the kiss close, just agreed to take her to dance sometime in the near future. But maybe i was just shear blind this whole time and she was into me.

Overview

A date agreed with the girl from the first set. A dance agreed with the girl from the third set. Messed up second set. Numbers game, but i don't feel like overly achieved. No closing as such. Still, learn from everything possible. Every night and approach is a lesson.

Thoughts

- don't waste time. shouldn't have stuck with the second set. maybe let my wing have a crack at it as my interest was gradually declining
- throw all the what-ifs and i-don't-knows out of the window. maybe this, maybe that, maybe stop messing about and just do things, go with the flow

- sobriety: i managed to not drink a lot at all. i was pretty sober when i got home. did not miss it. this is the way i need to take things
- the girls from the second set bought me and my wing a lot of shots. so all in all it wasn't a total waste

Next

This week i still have a lot i want to complete. Go out a couple of times, approach, approach, approach. Today i have a pattern: class, jog, pushups, write. I intend to fulfill it.

Quick update

Going out tomorrow to sarge. I'm writing today so i won't forget. When i wake up tomorrow i have a lot of time to think about some of the problems i encounter.

- time
- amog
- what if

I won't waste time. Evaluate the girl(s) i open within the first moments and if it's not looking to be going anywhere, eject. Be confident and deal with the distractions. This is the hardest part. All the out of the blue and on the spot blockers, mother hens etc. Disarm them. And lastly, be in the moment. Know where i want to take the conversation and don't allow myself to mess it up in my head.

Entry 18

Looking back at last night this is what i have to say to myself: a wasted opportunity. Take action. Be decisive.

The set

There was just the one set. I was with my two friends and on the street i encountered a former co-worker who was hanging out with her three girlfriends. So i casually entered their group and we all went to a lounge. There i introduced everyone.

I had my sights on one of the girls but somehow we winded up sitting on the opposite sides of the table. So when everyone went to smoke i just took the seat next to her and later explained "I just wanted to mix things up". Then i was in. We were talking for a long time, i DHVd and kinoed a lot. Triangular gaze. This is becoming more and more natural to me now. Then we decided to hit a club, one girl wandered away with her friend so it was three and three.

Well, dancing is a part of who i am and so i have improved that part of my game tremendously as well over the past few months. The man is the leader on the dance floor so it is really easy to escalate there. Guess what. I managed to mess even this up. I didn't kiss close. I don't even know why. It was there, for the taking. Escalate and you're there. I didn't. This girl disappeared at some point so the five of us (three and two) hit another cafe/pub and later went on to the last club.

Now it was really late and i was grinding with one of the girls. I didn't close her too and so one of my friends did. The girl was really easy and we were talking about sex a lot in a the last place (cafe). I did not kiss close her. I mean, what the hell. How did i not close her? Then my friend took over, was like a minute with her and then he did. Gave them privacy and my other buddy drove me home. At 6 am.

Thoughts

That is why i need to be more decisive. I need to evaluate myself and just take action. Kiss close always messes with my head. When is the right time? What if i mess up? What if she turns away? What will she think of me then? To hell with these thoughts. What if a meteor hits Earth. Don't overthink. I think it was in "The game" by Strauss where to a question of "when can i kiss her" was replied that when you think of this question during sarging, it is already time.

New week

There is much to do with my uni stuff this coming week which i cannot falter with nor postpone. Needs to be done. I will also put together a plan of the things i wish to accomplish. And sarge, of course.

- uni stuff (2)
- running (2)
- training (3)
- writing (7)
- sarging. everywhere. coffee shop, library, bars, clubs. where i am. talk. i responded to Nightskys reports where he was talking about opening problems. now i see that i need to open more as well. be social whereever i am. that was a good post for myself too.

Til next time.

Entry 19

I'm terrible at multitasking.

Not much sarging this last weekend, at least not in the sense of closing. There was a set or two but i didn't get to take them anywhere.

I am going to get a grip on my life and it needs to happen on multiple platforms, not only sarging. I've been writing almost every day and furthermore, training has gone really well these last couple of weeks, i've made progress and this energy i get needs to be forwarded somewhere. There is probably very little sarging going on this week(end) as i need to complete some of my uni stuff which i'm not going to be able to miss. But i am happy to do it as i get some purpose at sight.

For now, don't waste an opportunity and complete what i've started.

Quick update

No update and the journal has been dropped to the back page. Again. Shouldn't get so careless.

Tomorrow i'm going out. I failed to sarge last weekend as i stayed at home and did some of my uni stuff. Still lots to complete concerning that but it must not create a stumble on honing my sarging skills. I try to do many things at once (such as training as well) but as soon as i have finished the school year i'll be able to concentrate more intensely on interacting with people. Until then, go out in spare time.

So, succesful weekend for everyone and i'll keep posting about this following couple of days.

Entry 20

Went out last night. Got some to report, not much.

Well, firstly i met my buddy in a bar some time early on in the night. He just wanted to chat but i wanted to get my game going as i was about to meet some lady friends later in the night. So for starters i just casually chatted up this a bit older girl next to us. Not to sarge but to talk. She had two beers in front of her so i just mentioned it and talked until her guy showed up. Just to get comfortable.

First set

After that i saw two girls sitting by themselves behind us. I had seen them both before and maybe even struck up a convo but it was kind of this -hi/hi/whats up/nothing much- kind of convo. Kind of empty standing next to eachother convo. So i just went over there and i don't even remember what i said for opener. Just opened. And later my buddy came over. I sarged those girls for a bit, eye contact and strong kino from my part, when i got a call from a girl i was supposed to meet that night. So i left with one of the girls number (a red head).

Second set

The girl i was about to meet is the same i wrote about a few posts back, the one i had a crush on a while back. And with the mother hen for one of the friends. She, some other girls and a guy (a genuinely nice guy, can't even call him alpha because he was really cool). That hen was there as well and started messing (for the lack of the f word) up my game bad. Holy hell how bad. Not even in an amog way but just talking nasty stuff. I didn't want to make a scene in front of all the other people so i deflected her with banter and no responses. Worked well enough.


The most disgusting piece of event that night came then though. Some broad brushed past me with a full beer and bumped head on into me. Guess who got soaken in beer. My waistcoat, trousers, tie, shirt. All under a coat of beer. I mean, if she were a guy i would've punched her in the face. I was so angry, but again, i didn't tell her off that badly as people were watching and i'm not that kind of person to create a public shouting contest. Today my brother told me i should've played it off a la "you gonna have to make it up to me some way". But i was so pissed and my night was ruined. All i could think of was the rage inside me.

My mood was tampered, confidence shot right down and night ruined. So i just waited until i dried off, excused myself and my buddy drove me home.

There you go. Wasted night because of that incident. Thankfully the beer didn't leave any stains on the waistcoat as i checked it now and it doesn't even smell. For that i am thankful.

Thoughts

I can still salvage the weekend as tonight is the Champions League final and i'm going out as well. But god, this was an awful end of the night. Material values, i know, but i take great care in the things i own and i don't ever let anything get out of hand. That's why if someone messes up my stuff i get angry. If it is my fault, i can live with it, but not when someone else messes up.

- Don't go out fancy to a place (actually in the summer it is the whole street in which the bars are located filled with people and drinks in my town) where there are going to be too many people.
- Always try to stay on top of things, even if they don't go your way.

Entry 21

The weekend just passed and i didn't close. Not as such, no.

The set

Went out on Friday. A new bar opened so naturally i went there as a zillion people were attending. Struck a convo with two girls in the line, which to be frank was painfully long. Hitting up random encounters in the line is one of my more comfortable moves as usually it is very quick: a hit and run, if you please. Strike up a convo, talk a bit, say "i'll find you later", get a drink and move on. Later find the girls and it is easy to blend into a more intimate setting on the chairs/couch whatever is in the room. Sit between the girl and an amog/mother hen, if there is one. Very natural and noone immediately objects.

Now this line was a long one, as i said. Like a half an hour long. So i talked to the girls, my buddies strolled in and out the line as i was holding a place and eventually i didn't even close. I forgot. How is that possible? I forgot. I didn't even think. My turn came up, i said something like "i'll find you later" and i never did. Idiot.

After that

On Sunday i had a performance with my dance crew in one of the theatres in the town. I forgot all about it and when one of my friends gave me the opportunity to perform i took it. I love being in the spotlight. Being in front of people. Helps me get over my fears and also is a great way to start tackling approach anxiety. Which i have sometimes.

Anyways, i went to the theatre and guess who was checking the sequence and readying the dancers. The girl from the bar. Small world. I instantly started talking to her and as it was a long show and lots of time backstage i got to talk to her a lot. Then we both agreed to meet sometime in the town/bar in the weekend. I forgot her name so i just asked what should i type in facebook. Went flawlessy.

Now the one thing i do regret is not asking her number. I can still talk to her online but i chickened out before NCing. Not enough practice, clearly.

Thoughts

The next two weeks are going to be an utter pain as i have to finish the semester in uni. Lots of papers to write and exams to take. But it's a couple of weeks of death for a summer break. Then i can focus on sarging and building social skills.

I also want to train my breath out and get in good shape. It is really hot right now as well which is better for stamina and fitness running.

A new post should arrive soon. <- i also discovered that this phrase never ends well, i always forget to post soon. Hopefully this time i will actually do it.

Entry 22

Two weeks is over. So is the semester. More or less. Decided to skip the last paper and do it next year. Too hyped up with summer and all the things i want to do and accomplish for that. No worries. Yet.

So this last two weeks were really tough as i finished all the exams i took and with all the uni stuff going on. Not much sarging, did go out at least once as i remember but i got smashed and no sarging progress made there. But i don't mind.

Future

Well, plans. What i want from this summer. Let's be completely honest: i've hit a dry spell. A long one. And i need to end it. Badly. So this is the biggest goal this summer. End the dry spell. Close. Start closing.

Also i will get into shape and start training. The studio i dance in was closed in June but it will open come new month and from there i am all set. Also i intend to run run run and got a free single voucher for gym. So it's a start.

This weekend i will go out, though it is the grill time in the country and not many people. But we'll see. The most important thing is to start closing.

For the summer

- start closing. period
- start going out more
- start training because there is nothing else to do and it is summer after all
- start writing more. at least 10 hours a week
- keep a journal/calendar for all of the above

Wish me luck. And let all of your summers be great as well.


UPDATE

I just realised something. All these things i write about here, all these goals i set myself, all of these things: up until now i didn't want them badly enough. I didn't want them as much as i was willing to invest.

I mean, i want to build a skill and live off the merits from it but i am never investing even closely enough into training it. I need to bleed, cry and curse myself before i get good. I need to get into the state where it becomes so excruciating that i want to quit because of the pain. Only then will i be able to overcome this AA mentality and make something of myself. I need to invest into myself because noone else will and it is my life. I need to develop a great mentality, the one where i don't want to sarge, write or train. It will be where i need to do these things because i can't live properly without them. And i will get there.

I will get there.

Entry 23

About the last post:

Nice words, Hawke, but they seem to ring a bit hollow.

- Still not closing. Still not doing the things i want and should do. AA mentality and fail number one.

- The studio is still closed and i haven't found places to dance (read: haven't searched enough. Though this will change in August as it has been confirmed that i can start training then again). AA mentality and fail number two.

- I haven't been writing at all. AA mentality + fail number three. A massive one.

- No journal(s). Four.

- Have been going out but not enough approaches. Five. The biggest one.


So, as it seems i have not accomplished a single thing i set out to do a month ago. Noone feels more ashame than i do. I needed to put it out there. What's wrong with me? The "update" part i wrote before, i really mean it. I don't invest in myself. I have an AFC mindset. And i need to break free of that.

I have got a month, a beautiful month of August when the weather is good, not too hot but enough not to be chilly so it is the perfect time to go out and sarge as it is not too heavy.

The best thing is that i found a fellow companion for the journey. Actually he is my best friend, sort of a natural, and this time we agreed to start sarging together in a sense of wingmen. This is just about the only thing i can tick off in the "success" box of socializing this summer. Yay.


A field report

Went out yesterday. Sarged. What i can be proud of is that i called. I called the girl i had NCd the week before. Background: me and my wing were in front of a bar and started chatting with two girls and eventually they went to a club and we went to an event someplace else. I NCd one of them and we all agreed to meet up later. I called last night, firstly i called a wrong person which did not inmprove my confidence (i have pretty much never called a person whose number i've got. shame, no?). Then i called the right person, and apparently both of the girls live in another town. I seem to recall them mentioning that. That's that, no meetup.

In the evening my wing and i wrestled with the AA. Let's go talk to them, no, let's wait, no let's not wait, no, whatever. Finally we just went over as of not to let our minds mess up, just an approach before we could invent an excuse not to approach. Two girls. One was more chatty, the other was disinterested and soon left and soon my wing got approached by a girl he knew and i was left with, let's say my target of approach. Not to put lables or anything, just the girl i wanted to chat with.

Which was good, we talked about stuff and whatnot, i tried to apply kino and have a strong eye contact. But if you don't sarge for a month, these things do not come naturally anymore. At some point she started to leave to meet her friends and i, as a habit set up the NC. I still do that, at least. "We should meet up," and then... I froze out. I froze and did not ask for the number. She just left. Even my wing was disappointed in me. Well, next time, eh? I need to be more clinical, more forward.

Later we went to another place, my wing and i and there was a situation where i translated for an elder man as noone else spoke his language. He got his food and bought me a beer for good graces. I felt good, saw a waitress i knew but never approached. It was easy conversation and banter (both me and my wing used to work at that place in separate times). So it was very easy talk and i should ask this girl out sometime. Wing and i hung out some more and then left.

That's it for today. Plenty to think about for myself, plenty to change in the state of mentality. Plenty to learn.

Entry 24

Went out and met my wing last night. Then we randomly encountered one of his friends and her two friends and casually invited ourselves into their group. So it was my wing and i, his friend the girl and a girlfriend with her brother. They were all very lively, to say, very open and sincere and fun. Which just made the night marvelous.

About the sarging. I set my sights on the girl who was friends with my wing. She was on fire the whole night, just filled with life. Hell, i've probably never even met anyone who was so alive and not giving a damn and not apologetic about who she is. That's what i look in a person and myself a well, this being in the moment and enjoying yourself to the fullest mentality.

Suffice to say the night took us to a half a dozen different places amongst which were various bars, a club and fast food restaurants. I haven't had a night this good in a long time. The thing is, it's not always about the number of approaches you do, it could be the one set where you feel comfortable and connect. I feel that this was it last night.

The whole group of three was very lively and carefree, energy was up in the sky and there were tons of kino and flirts flying by. My wing was sarging the other girl. The thing is that it was such a good time but not close enough for too much intimacy as such, just the good feelings surrounding. So in the end i did not kiss close and did not take anyone to my place. Instead i took the number of the girl i liked a lot and just set up another time to go out and get wild.

I felt that this was pretty much the max i could get this time around as i also did not want to fuck up the connection i had already built. Call it what you will but i felt really good and i look forward to setting up the next encounter with this girl and the group as whole so that my wing could sarge as well.

All in all i felt really well.

Quick update

I pushed it forward and forward and forward. And then i decided to take control of my body. I went running for the first time in a month today. First training in more than a month. I know, i know. I always think about making something of myself and getting a grip on my self control. And now i really want to do it. I decided to make a journal til the end of summer. Well, more like a "tick the box" kind of calendar for the 3x running a week and all the trainings available in August. I hope i can muster enough continuity to actually achieve it. Otherwise, what's the point in wanting to do any training if i can't keep my promises to myself.

I can do it.

Should call the girl i met this past weekend. Right now every day is a Friday so it shouldn't be hard to find time to go out.