This isn't just about girls, It is about my life as a whole.

Now I have come to realise a few things about my life which wasn't easy to swallow, i won't go into detail but this is pushing me deep into depression. I need to make some big changes to my life, mostly about communicating and socialising. I am a confident guy but during most conversations my opinions and topics usually fall on deaf ears. I have realised that people don't really bother catching up with me to see how i am or call me to have a conversation, i blame my conversational skills. I need to improve on this big time. I have been analysing my conversational skills for about a year now and i truly suck at them. Please don't advise me to talk to strangers because i talk to about 500 different strangers because of my job role (and these people aren't shy to have conversations).

I need to learn how to talk to anyone and become memorable, this isn't just about pick up, i need to learn these skills so i can make new friends, build new relationships and make business deals happen. Should i learn NLP? Can anyone recommend any books or materials solely on conversational skills? I can make friends easily, it's just about being able to communicate better to have better relationships with my friends.

Please help, this isn't about making new friends so please don't recommend Dale Carnegie's book, it's about being able to communicate so they love to chat to me. I have started working full time and i have become ever so lonely. This really is a desperate cry.

Thanks

What you're talking about is called charisma. You need to learn how to be more charming. 93% of communication is non-verbal. Read books about body language and learn about how to communicate emotional states better. Read books about being a better story teller. The fastest way to learn is to find a friend that already commands people's attention when he speaks. If he's really a friend, just approach him, explain the situation, and tell him you want his help. Likely he'll be flattered and teach you everything he knows.

Conversations are actually not that difficult. The most important thing is to listen. I mean, really listen.

1. Ask the person a question. Could be general/ordinary or more in-depth, doesn't matter.
2. Actively think about what they are saying, while they are responding to you. Listen for something you can relate to.
3. When they finish speaking, if they've said something you can relate to, offer your perspective.
4. If they haven't said something you can relate to, great! They know something you don't, which means you can ask them to elaborate on it, and it will be genuinely interesting because you're learning something new.
5. Wash, rinse, repeat.

If all else fails and you don't know what to say, or you've gotten distracted and didn't listen very well, just say "Really? Tell me more about that!" It's like automatic, 9 times out of 10 they will immediately start talking again, and you can start over from step 1.

Hope that helps.