So - this may be a little long winded bear with me.

Been with my partner for 6 years on and off - i say on and off because it hasn't been solid.

Years 1-2 - Great relationship, i was confident, outgoing etc etc, she was very compliant, sex was amazing,

Then we moved in together, gradually i started failing shit tests, bent over to her every whim or demand, she lost attraction, would leave, i'd go all afc, then i'd behave like my old self again she'd come back, this went on for two years.

At which point two years ago we emigrated - she settled down, became more responsible with cash, far more respectful, less lazy round the house etc etc - but our sex life gradually vanished, i took issue with it - after 9 months she broke up with me with the dreaded "you aren't the guy i used to know" i started dating again within a week - she ran back.

The last 6 months i revisited game, started going out again, made good valuable friends, restarted my own business which is doing well, gradually took less and less of her emotional outburts and shit tests, things have been better, shes a little more compliant, generally more respectful, contributes financially and emotionally to the relationship again and has even given a little support to me working so hard to get the new business off the ground, all in all the relationship is pretty good in most areas - the sex life however is now nearly completely dead.

So yesterday, we got up went for lunch, she started giving me the third degree about where i had been and who with the night before - she had been out with her whole office for a beach party till 1am (which i hadn't even mentioned other than to ask if she had fun) - i'd been out on my own after work for dinner, hooked up with a bro for a beer then had an early night as i'd been out on a late one the night before.
She was acting shitty about it and when i pulled her up on it she said she didn't believe me that i'd been alone, i was annoyed by that and asked her maybe instead of questioning my loyalty she should consider what it was in the relationship that would make her worry about that.

She got up - announced in the middle of the restaurant "maybe you should think about whether you want to be in a relationship" left, took the car and went home.
I stayed, finished my lunch, went for a couple of beers and took a taxi home - she ignored me for the rest of the night.

Now i'm fuming and my gut says seriously if we are going back down this road again its done, at the same time maybe its my frame over sex causing the issue, she knows i'm unhappy about it, which in itself i guess doesn't create a mood for it to improve.

WTF do i do to improve it though, when i wanted more money i worked at my career, when i wanted better friends i opened up my social life, i restarted game to find a way back to a certain way of thinking, started back to the gym etc - but with this - how the hell to i resolve lack of sex without cheating on her - which is not what i want to do, i really don't want to end my relationship over our sex life, at the same time i will never be fully happy without it.

Read over what you just wrote again. You’ve made it pretty clear that you’ve made effort in many areas to make this thing work. Sometimes you failed, sometimes you succeeded. You seem totally aware of whats happening, yet you don’t want to believe the inevitable: Its time to move on.

The sex disappearing isn’t anything new to a relationship. There are a ton of factors that can contribute, a lot of which you can’t really control. Could you have done a better job of keeping things fresh in the bedroom? Probably. Has she? Probably not. Door swings both ways.

It seems she’s constantly blaming you and not really thinking about her share of the responsibility. A relationship is mutually benefiting…but regardless of who’s doing more, the balance is off and its been struggling to reach what was once “good times.”

That last outburst by her should be the final straw. You wanted to talk about it, she didn’t, then threw it on your lap…with no car. Not to mentioned she was probably directing her words with a lot of "You need to-" "You aren't doing-"...and they usually end in something like "for me" "towards me" "without me."

This is not only being irrational, its devoid of any respect for you after years of dating. Regardless of the situation (and whether you've done this to her or not in the past), it’s a major red flag, and something you now have to act on.

It’s time to end it man. Its always hard, especially when you’ve been together for that long. But when your hand is being forced, like in this case, you have to think about yourself and say FUCK IT.

“I’ve thought long and hard and I’ve realized I am not happy, and neither are you. That means its time to go in a different direction, for both of us. I value everything we have, and I have no regrets about our relationship. Hope things work out for the best.”
Just get something like that out there and get out. I’m willing to bet she comes crawling back, saying “SO YOU ARE JUST GOING TO THROW IT ALL AWAY?!” Don’t entertain any of the BS she is going to throw back at you. Take it in stride, be calm and be the adult (as hard as it may be at this point).

As far as how to keep the sex fresh, there are many places to find advice on what women like in terms of sexual tension, because keeping things fresh, in many ways, is keeping that tension.

A few tips I've seen to create/re-create a sexual frame of mind:

1. "Foreplay" is not just for the bedroom. Foreplay can start early in the day with suggestive texts or pictures. This is key to framing her mind and making her think about fucking your brains out...all day.

2. Switch it up. Switching something like location can be a very simple aphrodisiac. A new setting, visually, will spark something your 1-bedroom apartment won't. How about a hotel room for a night?

3. Talk more. You probably don't talk about sex a lot. The beauty of thinking about shit, is that it manifests into your imaginations. When she tells you she likes being choked a little bit, you have no choice but to think, "YOU JUST WAIT TIL TONIGHT WOMAN." Sometimes, after a long relationship, you stop talking about stuff like this...but it doesnt mean she doesnt want to.

The funny thing is after i'd finished writing it i knew what needed to happen - denial and all that, i just distanced myself from her last night, didn't say anything this morning, she just text me this:

"I'm sorry for being a complete **** but you really hurt me....feels like your playing games which i don't have the mental capacity to keep up with x"

And Ri Ri - thanks for such a mature well thought out reply.

This one is easy. She doesn't think you're alone because you're not fucking the shit out of her. Knowing that the sex used to be good and used to happen a lot. It's as simple as her thinking about the fact that things are good except for that, and she starts thinking maybe you're just getting that elsewhere.

If things have gotten better, it looks to me like maybe you guys have had problems, and for the most part have been able to solve them. If there are games, just quit them. You're both past the point of that, and if you can't lead the relationship and grow it and such without games, then you're better off without her.

My advice, hit the nail directly. Tell her you think she suspects you of cheating or not being alone because you haven't had sex much lately. Tell her you'd really rather just be fucking the shit out of her. I won't address making the sex good because that's been covered already.

Went down this route yesterday evening - cue great sex and naked piccies this morning from the shower when i got into work

Glad to hear the positive news.