I am a 38 year old RAFC. I am brand new to the PUA community. Right now I am experiencing some serious information overload. There is so much to learn! I am hoping that starting a journal and putting together some posts about the things I have learned will help me get my shit together and keep it there.

I am sure you guys have heard this story a thousand times, so I will make it quick. I was first introduced to the idea of pickup when, you guessed it, a good friend gave me a copy of The Game after I went through a particularly nasty breakup. I was like OK, whatever, I'll check it out. I was instantly fascinated! I realized that the shape of the world was vastly different from what I thought it was. The realization that it was possible for anybody, even (especially) me, to be able to do this started a burning desire to learn more.

This forum has already helped me so much, but its time to put in the work so that it can help me even more. I intend to post at least once a week. More likely it will be every few days.

There is so much info out there I need to do a quick re frame and decide how to best move forward.

1. Inner game: This is definatly an area where I need some serious work. I have been so AFC for so long its hard to get myself to really accept, deep down, that I am the prize, that I have to act like I don't care what others think. Its an attractive idea and the surface of my thoughts is all over it, but I feel like I will do so much better when I believe it 100%

2. The frame: This is part of the whole inner game, but I feel that getting a better and more intuitive handle on this concept will improve both inner and outer game. Its all about the spin. How you say it IS more important than what you say

3. Outer game: AA is still there, but its getting easier to step on it and kick it out of the way. Something that has made it easier was to remember that (quote) "You are both operating under the frame of meeting new people is normal" This is a very simple yet powerful idea. If I can switch to operating in this mode when opening it will keep me relaxed and help immediately build comfort and rapport with whomever. I just have to remember that they are meeting someone new for the first time too. Me!

4. Conversation: Wow I need serious practice at this. I really feel like I just need to do it more. I tend to focus a little to hard on trying to say just the right thing in just the right way. This can come across as akward because if I'm uncomfortable in my head it doesn't matter what's coming out of my mouth, girls pick up on it and instead of a giggle or genuine setup for some initial kino I just create an akward silence. (Crickets chirping) I haven't been trying any scripted routines because they feel kinda fake, but I need to develop some kind of structure to it to increase the comfort level and keep things flowing naturally.

5.kino: Just being presented with the idea that all women aren't immediately creeped out by you trying to touch them in any way was a blockbuster. Hey, I told you I was AFC! This too needs some work on the instinctive level. It should happen naturally, almost without thinking about it. Sexual but not creepy. Comfortable but not just friendly. This is so simple that its even harder to work on than conversation, but noticing it and making it a part of the interaction without making a big deal out of it seems key.

Lunch break over more later

Holy crap, number closed with a hb8 almost by accident this afternoon at work. Maybe some of this stuff is sinking in. I wasn't really trying to pick her up, but there was a good conversation, open and confident body language, and I kept things going free form by leading her into talking about her feelings and sneaking in a quick story about myself to empathise instead of saying "I know how you feel " or "I know what thats like" I didnt really even do much setup for it, just mentioned im doin this and that this weekend. She said something like "oh im free during the day on weekends" and gave me her number. We are going to hang out this Saturday.

That's all for now, back to work

Hey man,

I'm certainly no expert, but the vibe that I get is that the people who have been doing this stuff the longest gradually realise that less and less of the information that is fired at you is actually important. I think that as long as you have the basics down, like having confident body language and looking your best, then the only think worth doing is to throw yourself kicking and screaming into approaches on a consistent basis.

Just my 2 cents!
Good luck.

_________________
My blog, documenting my first 100 direct day-game approaches:

pickinguppickingup

I think you are right, the more I just relax and don't think too hard, the better I do ( and the less awkward it is). Last night I kiss closed with a girl who previously had me on her LJBF list. I might still be there because, after all, it was mother's day and her emotions were prob running wild, but it's still awesome. I didn't think, I didn't freeze up, I just went for it. Back to the beginning:

About three years ago I was introduced to a dancer ( no not that kind . We went on a few dates and talked on the phone all the time. This was before I learned anything about PU, so it was all your stereotypical AFC stuff, listening to her problems on the phone, buying her gifts, dinner, etc. Made out a few times but never got close to the f close. Then out of the blue there was the LJBF coversation. I took it like a man, mainly cause I was feeling like it wasn't going anywhere ( which it wasn't, I had supplicated too much n pushed her away) we stayed friends, and talked occasionally here and there, merry Xmas etc. This was the first time I stayed friends w someone I dated.

About two months ago, after at least six months of no contact, totally out of the blue, she called me to talk. I had just started seeing someone (my latest, and last AFC ruination) We bsed like old times for a bit, talked about the people we were dating, At the end of our conversation she expressed regret that we never went any further. Instead of being silly and saying something AFC and butthurt about how she LJBF, I actually made comments about how those we good times/ feelings and smoothed it over and ejected from the convo asap.

Fast forward three months. I had just finished AFCing my way out of the best sex I had ever had with my oneitis. LJBF texted me out of the blue to what I was doing. She ended up meeting up with me later on to see my band play. We sat at the bar and I started to run game on her a bit, started mild kino, used emotional conversation, didnt pay for shit, etc. She only stayed for half the set, but the goodbye hug I got was more like a squirrel climbing a tree. I was so surprised I didn't even grab her ass or try to kiss her (AFC all the way, dammit) I know she's seeing somebody and I wasn't trying to BF destroy, but after all the time reading this PUA stuff I should really know better

Fast forward two weeks. I had been (and still am) keeping the texting/ calling to a minimum. We were talking about mothers day plans and brought up a place we used to go as a nice restaurant to take my mom to. AFC me would have prob let this go, but now I understand she was practically screaming in my ear: "I want you to take me out" So I did. I had her meet me up there for a drink after mother's day dinner, but they were closing soon. I said I didn't really feel like going home yet and she took the bait and we headed down the street to another spot. I bought the drinks, she paid for desert. Easy, natural conversation, more kino, escalation to waist/ hip and leg. Sitting next to instead of across from was the smartest thing I have done yet. I just made a little head move like hey scoot over and she totally did.

When it was time to say goodbye, she hugged me and tried to kiss me on the cheek.I pulled my head back just enough and caught her a solid one on the lips instead. Her crooked little smile afterward made me give her a couple more. I really think she needs/wants/deserves a spectacular f-close from me, but doesn't want or expect a full on relationship. Time to make it happen!

My new favorite thing, besides the extra attention I seem to be getting from girls, is the re-frame. I know I still have a long way to go, but its already working! Several times in the awkward moments right after opening (my absolute worst sticking point so far) I have used the 1/2 second to say to myself "What would a relaxed, confident guy do in this situation? Do that!" It pulls me out of my fidgety AFC moment. I realize that its just as awkward for them to talk to someone new and they will jump at the chance to share a secret, listen to a quick funny/slightly embarissing story, or even be asked for help/ opinions! I'm still new, so most of the time I still have to think about it and force the re-frame, both on myself and then outward to the group dynamic. Then all of a sudden the set is opened and the game begins. It doesn't happen perfect every time, and I'll get frozen out and have to eject like I don't care, but its already a million times better than wasting time thinking about what to say.

last night I met a girl that I established contact with from an online dating website. This is the very first time I have ever had the guts to do something like this. I was caught off guard momentarily when she first arrived because she was way more beautiful in person than her online pic! We sat at the bar and had a couple drinks. She didn't ask me to, or give me a chance to offer to pay. We talked for almost two hours about our lives, what we liked about them, fun stuff to do, felt pretty natural. She seemed pretty nervous at first but as she gradually became more comfortable I was able to start some mild kino, touching the shoulder occasionally, I eventually worked my way over so our legs were touching a bit and she didn't move away. I caught a nice break when a bunch of college kids came into the bar and things got loud enough for me to talk into her ear and put my hand on her lower back a couple times. She didn't move away or seem uncomfortable with any of this, but I got very little kino back, mostly passive. I number closed quite easily, but I don't think I built enough attraction for a kiss close, all I got was a quick hug goodbye before she got in the car to leave. (shrug)

All in all, no matter what happens, I'm pretty proud of myself. Could I have done better? Maybe. Could I have done waaaaayy worse? Easily. All the stuff that i have been learning is working! AFC me never would have had the balls to set up the online profile, much less interest the girl, setup the date, and go on it without ruining it by getting all scrunched up inside worrying if i was doing everything right.

There will be a day two, possibly next week (friday?) sometime

Ahh crap, my internet date from a couple days ago wants to friendzone me. I'm not horribly crushed or anything, but I am going back over the night in my head, trying to see where I could have done better. Obviously I still have a lot to learn about building attraction. i think my friend Bruno would have said I was too worried about success to succeed. Maybe I'm just not what she is looking for (shrug)
If she really does want to be friends maybe I'll get the chance to ask her sometime. I'm sure she has hot friends she will introduce me to if I made a good enough impression. Meanwhile, on to the next one.

Last night was super cool. I went out to a place where a friend of mine does a solo act and he usually lets me jam with him on a couple songs. I had been feeling kinda down, for no real reason, and almost stayed home. I decided to say fuck it, I need this, I'm going out to have fun and I don't give a fuck about anything else. Apparently this attitude really helped. I easily flirted with the hot bartender, although I know a little of this comes natural as its their job to put customers at ease. I fearlessly opened a set of older ladies (early 40s) who were smokin hot, but I got called up to the stage before I could get any real conversation going. One of them had made eye contact with me a couple times within a few minutes and gave me a big smile, so I just threw it all out the window and said fuck it. I'm gonna go talk to them. Not because I felt like I had to, just wanted to do it.

Its a smaller place and the stage is right up by the front window. I happened to be looking outside when I saw a younger HB 8 out there smoking a cigarette who was waiting for me to notice her. She gave me serious eye contact, and even blew me a kiss! As soon as I had a chance I tried to talk to her but she went to her BF and literally started to crawl up the side of him. OH well, silly girls. Still got another eye fuck and over the shoulder smile from her later as they were walking away, so i must be doing something right.

That's all. No numbers, kisses, or f closes, but I came home feeling like a king anyway. I wonder what I will be doing tonight?

I haven't posted anything in some time. I've been too busy concentrating on doing my thing, both at work and home. I haven't gone all boyfriend or anything, just keeping on with building my own lifestyle. I'm worrying way less about what I need to do to attract women, and way more on getting shit done and doing stuff that makes me feel good instead. I guess its working. Ever science I stopped giving a fuck, I've gotten several new numbers, been on a few "hangout" dates and had opportunities to build attraction with some of the girls who never noticed me that way before even some of my married chick friends have seen the changes and sense that my confidence is through the roof compared to what it was a year ago, and have commented on it. I'm not banging a new girl every weekend, but the possibilities are multiplying.

Trying out two new situations soon. One is to go for a day two w a HB 9, almost sure to happen unless i keep putting it off too long. The other is an internet find. I wanna make her comfortable enough to meet fairly quickly, to see if I can continue to build attraction in person.

Tried to get the HB 9 to come out with me last night, but she flaked. Oh well, still had a good time w/o her. Txted her on the ways home to stop by, n it was OK, but there was a second chic hanging out when I got there. I did OK at convo, and was keeping my eye out for chances to kino, but I got stuck trying to work around the obstacle and/or isolate the target. I ended up helping her out by taking the lead and ejecting once I realized the target was jut getting frustrated n wanted her friend to leave. I should have "forgot" something to give me an excuse to go back up. Eh no big deal, I'll see her again, and if not there's other options. Time for a bit more homework so I can be better next time