Completely dumbfounded. Breakup out of nowhere What happened



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What went wrong? Was I:
Too distant  0%  [ 0 ]
Too fast to get involved/clingy (honestly can't imagine how)  0%  [ 0 ]
clueless (she was seeing another guy)  0%  [ 0 ]
other?  100%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 2
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PostPosted: Sun May 05, 2013 3:53 am 
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Hey Guys, I'm a long time reader, first time poster. I got in to PUA for the first time while on study abroad 3 years ago, where I got reasonably good. In daygame I do direct approaches and number close after 5 minutes. I generally number close at least 50% of all approaches, and a date out of most of those. In night game I prefer indirect/"teasing". I generally f-close on the 1st-3rd date, and with the exception of one extremely long and painful relationship with a BPD marked by constant breakups and makeups, I have never been in the role of an AFC. In the interest of full disclosure, I have only ever F-closed 9 girls. I tend to be picky and would rather go with no sex than settle for someone I consider unattractive. I consider myself to be generally good looking and have no major insecurities, or things to be insecure about in general. I'm well educated (grad student for a field with good job prospects and earning potential) and for a 23 year old, I'm fairly well off.

This story begins at a party at my friend's house. I met one of his friends, and initially didn't think much of it, and got in to a long argument about government tax policy with her (she was a poli-sci). As the night went on I started noticing IOIs from her, at which point I initiated kino, and it progressed quickly. I told her I was going to a balcony and left, she followed, we make out and I almost F-closed her, but she wouldn't let me. I should note that this girl is an HB8 if not higher, so she was better looking than most I've been with. So I number closed her and had her come over to my place (40 miles away) a week later. We went on a good date, I F-closed, she seemed to have her world rocked, and over the next few weeks she'd come over about once a week and we'd have sex repeatedly and for hours. I had no trouble pleasing her in any way and was generally secure in my showing. For some reason she was convinced i was some massive player and had tons and tons of girls after me (a bit generous of a guess on her part). She told me she's finishing community college and moving 120 miles away for uni in the fall (not really long dist), so i wasn't too bothered by it and figured i could go ahead with a relationship. After I month I told her I wanted her as my gf and she gladly accepted. I had joked about how she'd need me to help her move all her shit in to her new apartment, and how since she had a roommate she'd have to be the one visiting (showed intent without trying to seem too attached). Beyond that, I didn't demonstrate any intent to say, get married (in the next couple years, or get super serious), but at the same time i made sure she knew I was exclusive with her.

We dated for 2 months seeing each other about twice a week, with her spending a lot of the weekends at my place, and went on a few trips together (mountaineering, camping, etc.) Everything was perfect. I stayed reserved and while I was physically affectionate I didn't say the I love yous or whatnot. I decided to wait for her to say it first. I made sure to maintain the "mystery" deal and not tell her everything about my day, friends, plans, etc. She complimented me fairly often, told me she liked me, and initiated physical touch quite often. With texts, I kept what I judged to be the right distance, and occasionally sent good mornings and good nights, with funny pictures/etc here and there. I made sure i was never supplicating and held my ground any time I felt she was shit testing me. At one point she even told me she tried "undermining" me a few times to see my reaction and that it didn't work (I didn't fall for it). If i found myself to be starting conversations more than her, I'd stop texting for a couple days until she started sending me either pics of herself, or funny links. Everything was going just fine, and a few days ago I didn't text for a couple days until she texted me a nude with a "I miss you".

I invited her over the next day, and we had a really good evening/night. The next morning (yesterday) she woke me up with morning head and sex, and we did it ~3 times that morning. When she was leaving (to her friend's house and beach for the weekend) we made out and agreed to meet up on Sunday (tomorrow), and I didn't text her until today. I texted her about the time for tomorrow, and 5 hours later had no response (usually she responds within 10-20 mins). I sent a text jokingly asking her if she drowned, and she responds with a "Im sorry I've been thinking, and i wanted to talk to you. I was going to call you tonight :\ can you call me now" type of text. I call her, and she tells me she was thinking and realized she got in to a relationship when she didn't mean to because she's moving away, and doesn't want to do long distance, etc etc, and doesn't think it will work. I told her that it wasn't really long distance, and its worked for me in the past, but if she doesn't want a relationship I'm not here to convince her to stay. she said she was sorry and didn't think it would work, and wanted a fresh start at which point I said "well, its your decision. It was nice meeting you (her name), have a good life. Good bye" (i kept a completely normal tone, no drama, etc). and ended the call. Later she texts me "I'm sorry :( " I tell her I would have preferred a breakup in person, but its fine, and that she left some clothes at my place and that she can either pick them up or i can mail them. She said she couldn't wait long enough to tell me in person without saying anything and that shell pick the clothes up sometime. (meaning it seems like a spur of the moment decision, probably influenced by friends)

So guys. Here's where I'm at. This girl was great, and I was quite interested in her. I believe I played the book by every rule there is, and literally no matter how many times i play everything over again, i can't see where i could have possibly gone wrong. I was never an AFC, i was never the nice guy. I acted like the prize, and a tease, but at the same time i was affectionate and let her get close. I didn't supplicate and held my own on pretty much everything, and called pretty much all the shots, with no objections from her whatsoever. Until this afternoon, I thought the relationship was going better than ever, and didn't see the slightest indication of a breakup until her text.
I have had several relationships before, and I have been broken up with before, but i could see those happening for weeks or even months beforehand. This just completely caught me off my guard and blew me off my feet...
What the hell happened?


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PostPosted: Sun May 05, 2013 10:24 am 
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From what I can gather, you didn't really do much wrong. This is what probably happened;

(1) She was never looking for anything serious when she met you since she knew she would be leaving the area soon.

(2) She met you, got intimate and over time probably started having some feelings for you.

(3) She talked it over with her friends or in her head and realized that she doesn't want to do the long distant thing with "YOU" because she knows your kinda a player and sooner or later you'd be getting it from other women.

(4) She decided it's better to let this go before she starts getting more invested and in the end gets emotionally wrecked.

Long story short, Women are not as dumb as people think they are, they always take decisions that would be best in her interest, and in this case it was to let you go.

By the way, PUA is a means to an end, but it was never meant to be used as a LTR tool, it was supposed to be used as a shortcut to pussy land.

Don't sweat it dude, you live and learn.

Cheers...


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PostPosted: Sun May 05, 2013 9:24 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 3:16 am
Posts: 400
Quote:
From what I can gather, you didn't really do much wrong. This is what probably happened;

(1) She was never looking for anything serious when she met you since she knew she would be leaving the area soon.

(2) She met you, got intimate and over time probably started having some feelings for you.

(3) She talked it over with her friends or in her head and realized that she doesn't want to do the long distant thing with "YOU" because she knows your kinda a player and sooner or later you'd be getting it from other women.

(4) She decided it's better to let this go before she starts getting more invested and in the end gets emotionally wrecked.

Long story short, Women are not as dumb as people think they are, they always take decisions that would be best in her interest, and in this case it was to let you go.

By the way, PUA is a means to an end, but it was never meant to be used as a LTR tool, it was supposed to be used as a shortcut to pussy land.

Don't sweat it dude, you live and learn.

Cheers...
You really think that she ended it because I didn't seem like I was committed enough? That would blow.. in all honesty, i know I could handle it. I mean I've done long distance before... for 2 years... and I'd still be with the girl if she didn't end it, bang another dude, and then come back wanting a relationship again...

What irks me, is that these patterns seem really common for me, and my friends... 3 months in to a relationship the girl falters and breaks it off. If the guy lets go, she comes running back a couple days later. If the guy clings, its game over. I had this exact situation happen to me...

I started dating a girl (already LDR) in another state (1000 miles away) just a couple months before she was due to go off to study abroad... then she left and got mixed up with the party crowd and started spending every night at bars and clubs until 5AM. when i got concerned about some of her behaviors (excessive clubbing with other dudes) she withdrew, got depressed, and seemed to lose attraction. I tried to fix things but it didn't work, and she broke up with me (same words.. "I don't want to do long distance, I'm not ready for this, I don't think it will work, etc". I accepted it for what it was (inside, I was completely broken, but kept a straight face), deleted all contact details, and moved on. The next day she called me and we were back together...

This pattern repeated with others, and I saw it happen repeatedly to friends. Are women really this flaky? Is this some kind of a grand shit test that women like to pull on men to see if they're clingy? That said, I never hold my breath, and I'm not waiting for this girl to come running back. But its happened enough times to me and my friends that I'm starting to wonder if this is a common pattern... The only thing that sets the others apart is that normally the girl waivers for some time, and its always obvious. I always saw it coming before. Here? It was lightning on a blue sky day..

Aside from that, thanks for the response. It makes some sense, and a refreshing change from the internet tough guy "grow ballz and bag 9001 more womenz" staple response.
cheers.


Last edited by zmbcm1 on Sun May 05, 2013 11:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun May 05, 2013 9:44 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2009 7:46 am
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Website: http://www.facebook.com/spreadloveders
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Quote:
Hey Guys, I'm a long time reader, first time poster. I got in to PUA for the first time while on study abroad 3 years ago, where I got reasonably good. In daygame I do direct approaches and number close after 5 minutes. I generally number close at least 50% of all approaches, and a date out of most of those. In night game I prefer indirect/"teasing". I generally f-close on the 1st-3rd date, and with the exception of one extremely long and painful relationship with a BPD marked by constant breakups and makeups, I have never been in the role of an AFC. In the interest of full disclosure, I have only ever F-closed 9 girls. I tend to be picky and would rather go with no sex than settle for someone I consider unattractive. I consider myself to be generally good looking and have no major insecurities, or things to be insecure about in general. I'm well educated (grad student for a field with good job prospects and earning potential) and for a 23 year old, I'm fairly well off.
I have a feeling that you are being dishonest with yourself here. You have a fifty percent approach to close rate and date most of them? So out of the last 100 girls you've approached you've dated at least 26 of them? For a man who has f-closed 9 girls, that seems high.

If that is true you are either using valuable time to date too many girls, dishonest with your results, or not approaching many women.
Quote:
This story begins at a party at my friend's house. I met one of his friends, and initially didn't think much of it, and got in to a long argument about government tax policy with her (she was a poli-sci). As the night went on I started noticing IOIs from her, at which point I initiated kino, and it progressed quickly. I told her I was going to a balcony and left, she followed, we make out and I almost F-closed her, but she wouldn't let me. I should note that this girl is an HB8 if not higher, so she was better looking than most I've been with. So I number closed her and had her come over to my place (40 miles away) a week later. We went on a good date, I F-closed, she seemed to have her world rocked, and over the next few weeks she'd come over about once a week and we'd have sex repeatedly and for hours. I had no trouble pleasing her in any way and was generally secure in my showing. For some reason she was convinced i was some massive player and had tons and tons of girls after me (a bit generous of a guess on her part). She told me she's finishing community college and moving 120 miles away for uni in the fall (not really long dist), so i wasn't too bothered by it and figured i could go ahead with a relationship. After I month I told her I wanted her as my gf and she gladly accepted. I had joked about how she'd need me to help her move all her shit in to her new apartment, and how since she had a roommate she'd have to be the one visiting (showed intent without trying to seem too attached). Beyond that, I didn't demonstrate any intent to say, get married (in the next couple years, or get super serious), but at the same time i made sure she knew I was exclusive with her.
She made it clear she would soon need to focus on school and a serious relationship was off the table, but she acted otherwise because she thought that she had tamed the lion. She has never had a man of your caliber, as noted by her insecure comments on your player history. Your level of attraction is not something she is used to. She is supplicating. The title "girlfriend" is not as serious as monogamy monogamy. Monogamy implies a long term relationship for the purpose of a future marriage. You said you wanted the title so she knows you weren't sleeping with someone else, but the monogamy makes the relationship more serious than she wanted it to be.

Monogamy should only be an ultimatum for marriage. If what the woman desires is sexual safety beyond protected sex, then she can be abstinent. Monogamy is more of a sacrifice for a man than it is for a woman. The woman's sacrifice for the sake of fair transaction is child bearing.

Quote:
We dated for 2 months seeing each other about twice a week, with her spending a lot of the weekends at my place, and went on a few trips together (mountaineering, camping, etc.) Everything was perfect. I stayed reserved and while I was physically affectionate I didn't say the I love yous or whatnot. I decided to wait for her to say it first. I made sure to maintain the "mystery" deal and not tell her everything about my day, friends, plans, etc. She complimented me fairly often, told me she liked me, and initiated physical touch quite often. With texts, I kept what I judged to be the right distance, and occasionally sent good mornings and good nights, with funny pictures/etc here and there. I made sure i was never supplicating and held my ground any time I felt she was shit testing me. At one point she even told me she tried "undermining" me a few times to see my reaction and that it didn't work (I didn't fall for it). If i found myself to be starting conversations more than her, I'd stop texting for a couple days until she started sending me either pics of herself, or funny links. Everything was going just fine, and a few days ago I didn't text for a couple days until she texted me a nude with a "I miss you".
You are devoting too much time to one person, making her to be an important FOCUS in your life, when she will have to eventually distract her focus from you in order to reach her full potential at school. It creates a needy basis. Your poor follow up does not match with this high level of importance. For a more fair and stable situation, take your sweet time getting to know her while you date other women, and then keep your time with her congruent with your follow up.

Example: I have several girls in consideration for a relationship, and only until I am ready for children will I pick one. Some of these girls I have sex with. Some of them I do not have sex with. When I am ready to have children I will have had so much experience through my path that I will know which woman fits me best. We will engage in monogamy in preperation for our marriage. Our marriage is the agreement that we will be monogamous as a sacrifice in order to raise children in a healthy family. We will allow ourselves to fall in love at the wedding and remain totally in that love during the honeymoon, where the child will be conceived.

In no part of this agreement do I let her leave for school 120 miles away where she will be drunk around other drunk men who have no sexual obligation to her or myself. This makes for an unsettled transaction. She has chosen the school over the relationship for the time. It is not the right place in her life for that.
Quote:
I invited her over the next day, and we had a really good evening/night. The next morning (yesterday) she woke me up with morning head and sex, and we did it ~3 times that morning. When she was leaving (to her friend's house and beach for the weekend) we made out and agreed to meet up on Sunday (tomorrow), and I didn't text her until today. I texted her about the time for tomorrow, and 5 hours later had no response (usually she responds within 10-20 mins). I sent a text jokingly asking her if she drowned, and she responds with a "Im sorry I've been thinking, and i wanted to talk to you. I was going to call you tonight :\ can you call me now" type of text. I call her, and she tells me she was thinking and realized she got in to a relationship when she didn't mean to because she's moving away, and doesn't want to do long distance, etc etc, and doesn't think it will work. I told her that it wasn't really long distance, and its worked for me in the past, but if she doesn't want a relationship I'm not here to convince her to stay. she said she was sorry and didn't think it would work, and wanted a fresh start at which point I said "well, its your decision. It was nice meeting you (her name), have a good life. Good bye" (i kept a completely normal tone, no drama, etc). and ended the call. Later she texts me "I'm sorry :( " I tell her I would have preferred a breakup in person, but its fine, and that she left some clothes at my place and that she can either pick them up or i can mail them. She said she couldn't wait long enough to tell me in person without saying anything and that shell pick the clothes up sometime. (meaning it seems like a spur of the moment decision, probably influenced by friends)
If a relationships importance is founded upon sexual activity and emotional attachment then what do you have without that? Nothing.

Future relationships should be founded upon more concrete values rather than fulfillment of need.
Quote:
So guys. Here's where I'm at. This girl was great, and I was quite interested in her. I believe I played the book by every rule there is, and literally no matter how many times i play everything over again, i can't see where i could have possibly gone wrong. I was never an AFC, i was never the nice guy. I acted like the prize, and a tease, but at the same time i was affectionate and let her get close. I didn't supplicate and held my own on pretty much everything, and called pretty much all the shots, with no objections from her whatsoever. Until this afternoon, I thought the relationship was going better than ever, and didn't see the slightest indication of a breakup until her text.
I have had several relationships before, and I have been broken up with before, but i could see those happening for weeks or even months beforehand. This just completely caught me off my guard and blew me off my feet...
What the hell happened?
Entering into a relationship out of emotional need makes you AFC. GFTOW You are too comfortable where you are. Expand your comfort zone and see what it is you really like. Enjoy single life until it is time for children and you are settled financially and geographically. Then consider one of your many girlfriends for monogamy.

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ITS YOUR CHOICE!
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PostPosted: Sun May 05, 2013 11:33 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 3:16 am
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Quote:

I have a feeling that you are being dishonest with yourself here. You have a fifty percent approach to close rate and date most of them? So out of the last 100 girls you've approached you've dated at least 26 of them? For a man who has f-closed 9 girls, that seems high.

If that is true you are either using valuable time to date too many girls, dishonest with your results, or not approaching many women.
I am not dishonest with my results. I have used too much time to date too many girls before, that is not the case now. Right now I'm not approaching very much. I'm trying to settle on a normal stable relationship.
Quote:
She made it clear she would soon need to focus on school and a serious relationship was off the table, but she acted otherwise because she thought that she had tamed the lion. She has never had a man of your caliber, as noted by her insecure comments on your player history. Your level of attraction is not something she is used to. She is supplicating. The title "girlfriend" is not as serious as monogamy monogamy. Monogamy implies a long term relationship for the purpose of a future marriage. You said you wanted the title so she knows you weren't sleeping with someone else, but the monogamy makes the relationship more serious than she wanted it to be.
This is not a school-focused girl. She never mentioned anything about a serious relationship being off the table until yesterday, and always emphasized that she only had sex with bfs, and in exclusive relationships, and that she was serially monogamous. The level of attraction I showed her was not as high as she was used to. She herself claimed that she had never hooked up before, and for most normal people, entering in to an exclusive relationship after a month of dating is completely normal. I've done it with others, all of my friends have done it with others, and it works just fine. At no point did i let myself appear overly committed beyond the completely standard run of the mill "we're dating exclusively right now" status.
Quote:
Monogamy should only be an ultimatum for marriage. If what the woman desires is sexual safety beyond protected sex, then she can be abstinent. Monogamy is more of a sacrifice for a man than it is for a woman. The woman's sacrifice for the sake of fair transaction is child bearing.

You are devoting too much time to one person, making her to be an important FOCUS in your life, when she will have to eventually distract her focus from you in order to reach her full potential at school. It creates a needy basis. Your poor follow up does not match with this high level of importance. For a more fair and stable situation, take your sweet time getting to know her while you date other women, and then keep your time with her congruent with your follow up.
Dude. She goes to community college for polisci. I won't tell you my field, but I know what it means to have to be focused to reach potential. I was sleeping 3 hours a night in undergrad and working around the clock. I still managed a relationship, as did many of my friends. I see her 1-2 nights/week. She's not in med school. We meet around my schedule and availability. There was nothing needy about what I was doing, unless you consider entering in to a relationship to be needy. Finally, women can see a player and want one, and it works just fine... at first. But if a girl sees a man has no intentions, and is not someone who can make any serious move beyond thrusting his dick, they lose interest. Being unable to move in and mark your territory, and assert yourself, and instead coming by as a breeding mate once in a while, is very much AFC, especially when you truly are interested in a girl for more than just sex. A tease is a tease, and they don't stay teased forever. A woman will not choose someone who she doesn't think she can count on to be there, and at the same time she won't want someone who she can take for granted. For me, a relationship is walking that fine line, and I admit its hard finding a balance.

Quote:
Example: I have several girls in consideration for a relationship, and only until I am ready for children will I pick one. Some of these girls I have sex with. Some of them I do not have sex with. When I am ready to have children I will have had so much experience through my path that I will know which woman fits me best. We will engage in monogamy in preperation for our marriage. Our marriage is the agreement that we will be monogamous as a sacrifice in order to raise children in a healthy family. We will allow ourselves to fall in love at the wedding and remain totally in that love during the honeymoon, where the child will be conceived.

In no part of this agreement do I let her leave for school 120 miles away where she will be drunk around other drunk men who have no sexual obligation to her or myself. This makes for an unsettled transaction. She has chosen the school over the relationship for the time. It is not the right place in her life for that.
I don't want children, and I'm not looking for marriage anytime soon. In fact, I may never get married. I expect to have a sizable income in the future, and I don't want to put my assets in jeopardy to a failed relationship. I'm looking for a stable long term partner. I have done what you did, I have "dated" and slept with multiple girls at the same time before. I quickly got tired of it. It's not my thing, and I prefer normal semi-permanent relationships. I like to find someone and stay with them until I find that its not working. Your approach to relationships seems all or nothing. But in the end, no relationship goes from nothing to all like that. Honestly it reads robotic and a little creepy... You're objectifying women and relationships in a fairly misogynistic way. Now I'm no feminist, but I respect women enough to have expectations of them and not treat them like dogs that must be kept on a leash. If a woman can't stay loyal to me while she's around other dudes, I don't want her. In fact, I'd much rather she spend time around other dudes, and if after that she's still faithful, then she's someone I'm keeping. In addition, I don't want to sound like a dick full of myself, but I'm completely secure when I'm with a girl and there are other guys around. Unless Matt Damon shows up single and looking to score, I'm not worried. We're not robots that have to enter covenants to spawn, and unmarried relationships are not unsettled transactions. People can't devote their entire life to someone and drop everything to be with them. If they do, usually they have issues and there's a 180 waiting somewhere down the road. I've seen it happen. You look for a person that is right for you, and you do it by first getting to know them, then sex/dating, then monogamous dating, and only after an extensive period of exclusive dating should you decide whether you're ready for the commitment of marriage, and moving/changing career/etc. There's a testing, and transition zone. I have no expectation of her calling off her transfer to 120 miles away because we just started dating. If anything, it would be a good test to see how the relationship would go afterward. The only "transaction" here is that on some weekends she'd be making a 2 hour trip and fucking me instead of a drunk dumbass with a pathetic build and a flat brimmed cap. I entered exclusive relationships with girls in long distance, and even just before they went to study abroad. yes they were unstable. yes they broke up with me. And yes, they came right back soon after. But in the end they worked out for quite a while. No woman will agree to just marry you without first entering in to a semi-permanent relationship for some time.
Quote:

If a relationships importance is founded upon sexual activity and emotional attachment then what do you have without that? Nothing.

Future relationships should be founded upon more concrete values rather than fulfillment of need.


Entering into a relationship out of emotional need makes you AFC. GFTOW You are too comfortable where you are. Expand your comfort zone and see what it is you really like. Enjoy single life until it is time for children and you are settled financially and geographically. Then consider one of your many girlfriends for monogamy.
I believe that "post emancipation" a relationship is based entirely on sexual activity and emotional attachment. Values don't keep people together in the west. India, Saudi Arabia? Sure. They live under a religious patriarchy. A girl that shares your values and has no emotional/sexual attachment to you has a name for the relationship. It's called "friends". Aside from that, we did share most values on religion/politics/morality/etc. But again. Unless you live in Pakistan, trying to enter a relationship based on "concrete values" will give you a stale, boring coexistence with growing resentment and an impending divorce. If there's no feelings, and no attraction, there will be no relationship. Hundreds of millions of Americans have tried exactly what you're planning on. The children didn't stop their divorce, or the horrendously high rates of marital infidelity. Marriage is just a legal (one that puts the man in a financially horrific place) piece of paper. It's no longer a religious covenant. Feelings don't come from belonging to the same political party or wanting the same number of children or worshipping the same sky dude. Honestly it comes from, at the very base, physical attraction, drive, and attachment (hormonal to an extent), and then similar outlooks/humor/interests.
I have no "emotional need" beyond a normal companionship. I want a stable girlfriend that i don't have to constantly maintain and game like an object. I'm tired of seeing multiple girls and I just want to settle on someone stable I can trust and like. I also hate the feeling of being a disloyal cheater. I've done it, got away with it, but it guilts me and I don't want multiple girlfriends. I am not an AFC. I'm just someone that doesn't want to fuck 5 women at at time, that I couldn't care less about.
Thanks for the input, and the time to write it, but honestly I don't agree with what you're saying.

Finally, I have no intention of contacting her again. If she comes back and wants anything physical, she will not get anything as long as we are broken up. I've been dumped, and I won't let myself be used as an object now. I'm willing to pass up a couple "bangs" for my pride. My dignity comes first.


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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 12:32 am 
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If your relationships were fine...you'd still be in the first one. Normal relationships don't last. Marriage for love is an eastern thing. Love is a decision. Being in-love is a chemically induced state which digresses over long periods of time. Normal is relative. Normal just means that in a certain era or region, people operate in one way. It is normal to die in debt and to end marriage in divorce. It is normal to be unsuccessful and to live out a mundane life.



She DID mention the school thing, being 120 miles away. You maintained relationships during your schooling, but you could've just not been monogamous and still had the same result now, which is being single. So while having positive interactions at the time, you could've had the same results with no cost.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

A relationship is defined as how one relates to another. There are many different types of relationships. Heterosexual relationships can still be meaningful without sex and/or monogamy.

If you prefer normal semi-permenant relationships, then you are getting what you asked for. My approach is that I care for the girls I keep around. We have open relationships. I was actually on a day2 Friday night and I ran into a girl I have been seeing for about 8 months. There was no drama about it. She actually comes out with me while I pickup other women and she wings my mates.

I am not ready for children or a marriage at the moment, and a monogamous relationship would be more of an emotional attachment and a cultivation of scarcity for me. When it makes sense for me to have one I will have one.


I do not objectify women. I do not put the relationship to a halt because they refuse to be a sexual partner without monogamy. I simply do not engage in sexual activity with those women. Our relationship carries out non-sexually. I also do not have time to just give to everyone individually.

I date a girl until it doesn't work out. I just date more than one at a time.

Value based relationships are not obsolete. Marriages in the west do not work out. Love and emotional attachment will happen from spending time with one person.

You don't have to game anyone like an object. I find many of these arguments to be void.

You claim that I objectify women but since this girl no longer wants a sexual relationship with you, you find no need to contact her again. It seems to me that since this girl doesn't want to be your sole fuck object, she is no longer viable as a person in your life.

I have multiple "girlfriends" but I make it clear from the very beginning that I do not consider monogamy right away. That is a long term commitment that I am not ready for because I am not settled into a way of life. It is something I save for my wife, as a promise to her so I will carry out my duty as a father one day.

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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 1:07 am 
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Quote:
If your relationships were fine...you'd still be in the first one. Normal relationships don't last. Marriage for love is an eastern thing. Love is a decision. Being in-love is a chemically induced state which digresses over long periods of time. Normal is relative. Normal just means that in a certain era or region, people operate in one way. It is normal to die in debt and to end marriage in divorce. It is normal to be unsuccessful and to live out a mundane life.



She DID mention the school thing, being 120 miles away. You maintained relationships during your schooling, but you could've just not been monogamous and still had the same result now, which is being single. So while having positive interactions at the time, you could've had the same results with no cost.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

A relationship is defined as how one relates to another. There are many different types of relationships. Heterosexual relationships can still be meaningful without sex and/or monogamy.

If you prefer normal semi-permenant relationships, then you are getting what you asked for. My approach is that I care for the girls I keep around. We have open relationships. I was actually on a day2 Friday night and I ran into a girl I have been seeing for about 8 months. There was no drama about it. She actually comes out with me while I pickup other women and she wings my mates.

I am not ready for children or a marriage at the moment, and a monogamous relationship would be more of an emotional attachment and a cultivation of scarcity for me. When it makes sense for me to have one I will have one.


I do not objectify women. I do not put the relationship to a halt because they refuse to be a sexual partner without monogamy. I simply do not engage in sexual activity with those women. Our relationship carries out non-sexually. I also do not have time to just give to everyone individually.

I date a girl until it doesn't work out. I just date more than one at a time.

Value based relationships are not obsolete. Marriages in the west do not work out. Love and emotional attachment will happen from spending time with one person.

You don't have to game anyone like an object. I find many of these arguments to be void.

You claim that I objectify women but since this girl no longer wants a sexual relationship with you, you find no need to contact her again. It seems to me that since this girl doesn't want to be your sole fuck object, she is no longer viable as a person in your life.

I have multiple "girlfriends" but I make it clear from the very beginning that I do not consider monogamy right away. That is a long term commitment that I am not ready for because I am not settled into a way of life. It is something I save for my wife, as a promise to her so I will carry out my duty as a father one day.

I won't argue most of what you said since basically we have completely differing world views. In addition, while I may be single now, I have gained valuable experience that will help me in future relationships. I played a game and got decent "scores", but in the end the games ended. So I keep playing. Eventually, I may or may not find someone who is right for me, but if i don't "play", I guarantee that I never will. To me age is not a factor of when to find someone that's right. If I meet them tomorrow, then I won't pass it up because i want to play the field for a few years. If i still haven't found her in 10 years, I won't start hunting for it in desperation.

This might be in some book of clever quips somewhere, but I realized that (relationships are a small part of this), nothing worth having in life is easy to get, or safe to try. If you don't take risks, and if you don't put yourself in danger, you'll never live a fulfilling life or get what you really want. To me the important thing is risk/reward management, not risk avoidance.
Quote:
You claim that I objectify women but since this girl no longer wants a sexual relationship with you, you find no need to contact her again. It seems to me that since this girl doesn't want to be your sole fuck object, she is no longer viable as a person in your life.
I disagree completely. Its about self respect. If someone doesn't want a relationship with me, I am under no obligation to let them use ME as a physical fuck object, whether it be sole or not. There is no punishment here. I simply don't give what I reserve for those I have not been broken up with. If a woman was to let her ex, one that she still wanted, fuck her after he dumps her, she'd be considered pathetic and weak, and rightly so. It's no different for a man. Just because we're horny doesn't mean we should rail every hole that's in front of us. We have what animals don't, restraint, and when we fail to use it, it makes us look low. I can bite a bullet when I have to. I've done it before, and its worked out for me in life.


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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 1:21 am 
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You say that 1 you regularly bang HB9(+) and don't settle for less even if it means no sex.
that 2 the chick you wanted to bang was HB8 "so prettier than most girls I banged."
---
contradiction?
Quote:
This pattern repeated with others, and I saw it happen repeatedly to friends. Are women really this flaky?.
Yes.
Quote:
But its happened enough times to me and my friends that I'm starting to wonder if this is a common pattern... The only thing that sets the others apart is that normally the girl waivers for some time, and its always obvious.
Yes, that's how they always are. They grow hazy, vacuous, distant, and eventually sever their ties to you.
Quote:
Aside from that, thanks for the response. It makes some sense, and a refreshing change from the internet tough guy "grow ballz and bag 9001 more womenz" staple response.
cheers.
Lots of people will give you that response on this forum.


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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 3:28 am 
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Quote:
You say that 1 you regularly bang HB9(+) and don't settle for less even if it means no sex.
that 2 the chick you wanted to bang was HB8 "so prettier than most girls I banged."
---
contradiction?
At no point did i ever mention an HB9. I literally said i had sex with 9 women in total. Also, the scale is only useful for comparing one girl to another in the eyes of one person.. I had friends rate this girl from a 3 to a 7. Though the 3 was other girls rating her from pictures. She's definitely above a 7. Point is, one man's 4 is another man's 9. I am picky in that i will never settle for "average". I take obsessive care of myself and lift 6 days a week/maintained a strict diet for the last 7 years, and I expect at the very least any girl I'm with to be slim and have good hygiene. Most girls I've been with I'd say are a 6-7 (about the top 10th percentile). Nothing special for the most part. I scored one paid model in my life (once -_-), and honestly, this last girl was better looking, imo.
Quote:
Quote:
This pattern repeated with others, and I saw it happen repeatedly to friends. Are women really this flaky?.
Yes.
That wasn't my question. I know women just leave, it's as common as rain in Seattle. I was asking, why is it so common for women to leave and then come back soon after after you move on.

Quote:
Quote:
But its happened enough times to me and my friends that I'm starting to wonder if this is a common pattern... The only thing that sets the others apart is that normally the girl waivers for some time, and its always obvious.
Yes, that's how they always are. They grow hazy, vacuous, distant, and eventually sever their ties to you.
I understand that. It happened to me before, no shockers there. I'm asking why they come back. I also don't understand why this girl was so in to the relationship and acted so attached/attracted to me before breaking up completely out of the blue. I'm not an asperger's patient. I'm fairly good at reading people, and i haven't misread girls i was with in the past, and i can tell you, at no point did i see anything to be remotely worried about. It was a storybook relationship.
Quote:
Quote:
Aside from that, thanks for the response. It makes some sense, and a refreshing change from the internet tough guy "grow ballz and bag 9001 more womenz" staple response.
cheers.
Lots of people will give you that response on this forum.


I know, and i think its a big shame. There's nothing learned from that attitude. I've done it (except my record was 4 in 3 weeks after a bad breakup). Honestly, didn't help at all. I've done the rebound girl, I met up an ex and slept with her, i found new girls and slept with them. Did nothing to help me move on. Only once i found another girl i was actually interested in being with, did the old feelings start to fade.

Finally... i think there's a lot of number padding going on in the PUA community. While I do believe that some (very few) men have been with hundreds of women, i do not believe that even 10% of those that claim those numbers went that high, and especially not that they were HBs. I almost never see HB9s and HB10s leaving clubs with guys they met there. I get hit on by women at clubs a lot. and honestly? Its nothing to brag about. They tend to be horrendously unattractive. I've been close to F-closing girls from clubs, but bailed on all after making out. I only even went that far because i was an insecure SOB and wanted affirmation to know that i * could * score if i wanted to. My inner game is good enough to not need to do that anymore. At the end of the day its better to sleep alone rather than next to someone you don't want to wake up to. I found that scoring at night game is easy as pie.. if you're willing to throw away standards... and that legitimately good looking girls are next to impossible during night game (private parties being the big exception). I have much better luck with direct approaches in daygame. No ASD squads and cockblocks. No obnoxious AMOG wannabes. No Lady gaga singing over all your shouting. I understand the FTOG mentality, but there's more to moving on than that. If you fuck 10 girls that are uglier than your ex, that's a realization that's gonna sting. Quality>quantity.


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PostPosted: Mon May 06, 2013 12:45 pm 
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Ah, I see, when you wrote that you only ever f-closed 9 girls, I thought you meant girls of quality standards 9.

You ask why they randomly break up out of nowhere, and then come back later and re-apply once you moved on.

Because she doesn't truly NEED you (after all women make money nowadays and have jobs and can find other sugar daddies and boyfriends to obtain goodies from), this will drive her away.

More and more people are setting up blogs with headlines such as "boycott American women." Phrases such as "they are materialistic, selfish, and think the whole world owes them just because they have a snatch" are frequently thrown around.

For all the nuances of truth regarding these assessments of the situation; since all this started out from a discussion about taxes - it's only because we allowed socialists to run our country, who gorge themselves upon the taxpayer's money to support all sorts of self-proclaimed minority interest groups and their propaganda. Our representatives spread feminism which leads to narcissistic, opportunistic women with no commitment to their husband or family loyalty, and gender-equality freaks who have destroyed the natural polarity between the sexes, deconstructed the role-patterns and everything else required for a healthy family culture to thrive.

Imagine a bowl full of hundreds of small twigs and cocktail-prickers.

Draw a square with an entrance (approach) at one end, and an exit (having sex) at the other.

Turn the bowl upside down in this square. Now find a path from the entrance to the exit.

You will say: "Yay! I found the exit. Let me draw this on a map, let me describe the strategy!"

However as soon as the woman's mood changes, in reality, this means that a whole new bowl of twigs is turned upside down upon your maze, the wind breezes through and your map will be useless.

And now keep in mind that every woman has her own bowl filled with different twigs of an infinite variety of crooks and angles and shapes and sizes.

What works one day, is totally ineffectual the other. Sayings that light up her heart at one moment, can make her go cold the next. Things that one woman falls for, knock the other off. This is because it is impossible to apply a rational foundational strategy to a psyche that is inconsistent with itself. It is like taking away a steering wheel from a ship and trying to apply it to a raft that drifts upon a roiling ocean.

A rich guy owning a business office will say to himself: "Screw that, I'm not putting up with that." He will hire himself some classy 20-ish escort girls when he's like 50 years old himself. I see guys like Joe the plumber and car mechanics going to Philippines and Thailand to get girls. I predict that this will only continue to happen in the future. Contemporary Western girls have such enormous high-driven expectations that ordinary fellows can't live up to them anymore without unreasonable costs to their self-worth, resources and stamina.

Other than that; yes. Yes it is true what you say. Banging girls that are uglier than your ex only makes the drill sting deeper.


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PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 4:33 am 
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I've thought this over through and through, and concluded that you guys are mostly right. She really just seems to have wanted partying/variety/"college experience" more than a relationship, even one that she was in to, at least physically.
On the other hand, I looked and looked and looked for what I could have done wrong, said wrong, or didn't do enough of, and honestly? I'm proud. This relationship may not have lasted long, but I aced every aspect of it for what I wanted from it. It looks like I could have kept her for longer as an FB instead of going exclusive. However, I didn't want to be FBs with someone I'd eventually start developing feelings for. The breakup sucks, and moving on sucks. That said, if I could go back and do it again, I wouldn't change a single thing. I'm pretty sure that had I done anything differently, we would have been broken up earlier. I have made mistakes before. Many, many mistakes, and lost relationships because of them, but for once, I've gone through an entire relationship without having a single regret.

A month ago, she bragged to me that she's never been dumped before (I responded with "well don't get too comfortable, there's a first time for everything" (with a joking attitude of course). She got nervous and giggled. She then told me about how guys would desperately cling on to her when she dumped them, and how one "loser" told her he loved her after just two weeks while she was dumping him (in retrospect, a red flag on character). Then we both chuckled (fucked up ain't it? I feel for the chumps she's gone through). Maybe she just wasn't comfortable that she didn't have control this time around, so she jumped the gun, but I can't know for sure. And most important of it all, while she may have broken up with me, I didn't let her see me cling or crumble, or have the satisfaction of seeing me weak and on my knees with a gaping mangina, like every guy before me, and as long as her looks last, the guys that will come after me. And the best part is knowing that while she can have all the "bros" she wants, none of them will ever measure up, and she'll remember it every time. Deleted her number, and she's now 3 degrees of separation from me on my end. Seeing a different girl now.

Cheers guys.


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PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 9:33 am 
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[quote=zmbcm1""]"A month ago, she bragged to me that she's never been dumped before (I responded with "well don't get too comfortable, there's a first time for everything" (with a joking attitude of course). She got nervous and giggled. She then told me about how guys would desperately cling on to her when she dumped them, and how one "loser" told her he loved her after just two weeks while she was dumping him (in retrospect, a red flag on character). Then we both chuckled (fucked up ain't it? I feel for the chumps she's gone through). Maybe she just wasn't comfortable that she didn't have control this time around, so she jumped the gun, but I can't know for sure."

Yes, that may be true. I have seen a lot of women who think they are the Queen of the World because of all the attention they get from the Chumps of the World. In fact, some of these women would never step out of their comfort zone of "being in control". When they cross paths with players or even regular non-needy guys, they face a paradox. On one hand, the guy seems attractive/challenging but at the same time they know that there is a possibility of them getting dumped by the guy and if in case that happens, it would puncture their self bloated Egos (something that is very important to women).


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PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 9:45 am 
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Read your first post, and lightly skimmed through the rest.

I don't think you messed up at all. You played every rule by the book, as you said. The way you handled the breakup was a stellar 10. And to be honest with you, I strongly doubt she'll walk away into the dark to never contact you again. I promise you she'll come back around and contact you, possibly cry as to how much of a mistake she made to dump you. This isn't finished, so keep us posted.


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PostPosted: Tue May 07, 2013 8:35 pm 
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Fuck it, as the saying in the Balkans goes, Buses and women are always five minutes apart from each other.

I had a break up late last year that was out of the blue, it does suck, really it does, but that life, you have the ups and downs, learn from this, embrace it and move on !


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