Backstory

I had a huge crush on this HB9 when I was younger. We were best friends in college, inseparable, she always had a boyfriend, I never made a move. After 5 years, I had an AFC "Love Confession" and she dropped me. Seven years later, we're both 30, her working 2 jobs about 1 1/2 hours from my town where I go to college. She's fresh out of a 6 year relationship a couple months ago (moved back in with her parents), hits me up on facebook, and before you know it (about 10 days ago) we meet up in a hotel room and had an "8 hour sex marathon" during which she (probably bullshit) said "I'm probably the best she's every had." With good reason though, as I completely railed her brains out. In between sessions, we talked about a ton of shit, including our other current relationships (we're both poly amorous now) - neither of hers seemed more than casual, and most of mine weren't/aren't going anywhere either. She lamented that she didn't have anyone local to keep her satisfied while I did, and that one of her guys was on his way out because he was getting attached.

The Situation

Since that night, I've had zero reason to believe her interest has been nothing but extremely high. I've been trying my best to keep my cool, as this girl IS my former one-itis.

Which brings me here. So here's the curveball - text messages from last night:

Her (1009) Lol... soo, I am pretty positive I found a [local] guy
Me: Ohh really?
Her: Yepp, we met up yesterday, officially met him like 2 weeks ago, he is going to help me get ready for tough mudder, and possible do it too but that is only if he signs up before it fills up
Her: (2m later) But anywho, how is your day going?
Me: What's tough mudder?
Her: (...10 mile obstacle course)
banter
banter
Her: I can't text right now, I got 2 managers at work but I will chat again soon
Me: Same I'm playing drums and a party is forming around me
Her: Awesome, enjoy
Me: Always! And good luck with new boy hope he doesn't get attached
Her: Nod, this is an interesting one... going to take it day by day lol
Her: But thanks!!
Me: Oh you didn't do the deed yet?
Her: Yepp
Me: (commending her and talking about my hot new girl)
Her: I just mean there is more to this one than the occasional fuck, know what I mean? But I'm not going to overthink anything
Her: (commenting on my new girl)
Me: What, you mean potential... boyfriend? haha
Her: Haha oh shit the b word... I won't let myself go there right now lmao
Me: I was gonna say.... rebound!! And it's wayy too soon to take you off the market
Her: Hahaha you just don't want to stop what we have going on...
Me: Nahh I think its you who don't wanna stop this train of awesome
Her: Which won't be happening lol, I recognize the signs of a rebound... and I definitely don't want to stop, man I'm like on a mission
Me: (talking about other girls - conversation ends later nothing significant followers)

Reflection

As I retyped that I can see some AFC - kinda shit in there, I don't really think she's giving me a shit test or something, maybe trying to DHV, hard to say. She knows I get a ton of attention from my undergrads, she even met them and wanted to fool around with a couple of them too (I love bi women). Regardless, LDR's are a sore spot for me, and I think I definitely showed some weakness. My text game is not very tight, I know this, and I let fucking emoticons slip a lot with this one, I can't help it. However, I think I still handled this much better than I would have before I learned about PUA.

My Tentative Plan

She's coming to visit 2 nights from now. Until then, I'm not going to initiate contact or give much attention. When she does visit, I'm planning to treat the topic of her new local like a girl's boyfriend - not bring him up, and when he does come up just straw man him, use humor, and change topic. Of course, I'm going to bang the bejesus out of her, using experience and what I learned through SGM. As far as I can tell, that's exactly what's going to keep her from the temptation of committing to a local boy - giving her the best sex she's ever had. Cause to me, the ONLY problem here with keeping her focus on me is the distance.

What I Want - The Obvious

Of course I like this girl. She has definite long term potential. She's my old goddamn one-itis after all - there's a good reason. For now, and probably several months, I won't seek anything monogamous with her, for reasons which should be pretty clear if you've read this whole topic. But LDRs of any sort, fucking suck. I shouldn't need to provide examples of how (young) females in particular are awful at them, regardless of how awesome her primary is.

What I Need From You Guys

I can already feel myself mentally putting her on a pedestal, and I need you guys to gut check me before I fuck this up again.

So, solid plan I'm guessing? Anything?

Uh, dude. Are you trying to go exclusive with this girl? Sounds like a horrible idea... If she's poly.. she'll be... difficult, to say the least, at least in my opinion. I've never tried to GF girls i was seeing while i was sleeping around and who i knew were sleeping around. We never even talked about relationships. Just went on dates, banged, and repeated every week or so. I'm not one to avoid risk, but trying to get serious with a poly is like walking in to a minefield... I'd say have your fun while it lasts. Don't act overly invested. As far as texts go, I'm unfortunately better versed in them than I'd like to be (too many LDRs) I'd definitely try less hard. Specifically, when she said she had to go bcs of the managers, I'd avoid trying to make up my own excuse for being busy. Or even making a joke like that. It makes you seem too eager, imho. I'd have probably blown her off with a "mmk. have fun :* " You can always tell her you're busy some other time when she initiates and she'll believe it too.

First off, thank you for the insightful well written response.

First off, she's not "officially" poly, and I'm fairly new to the lifestyle myself. She just got out of a 6+ year LTR, and is going a little wild and crazy right now for that reason I'm guessing. Found out that her boyfriend has been "talking" to someone else and left him. When we talked about this stuff, she said she's not looking for anything monogamous anytime soon, and neither am I, but the end goal for both of us in relationships is the same: a Traditional Open, where you maintain exclusivity with your partner except for when you bring other people into the bedroom. Between her fresh out of a LTR and 90 miles between us, no, I'm not seeking exclusivity right now.

"Have fun while it lasts" seems like sound advice. If I find myself starting to invest too much (which is already happening) I'll back off and become less available. She's my former one-itis. Falling for her (and hard) again is my biggest fear, and I'd hate to become so invested only to lose the opportunity to some other guy who happens to be more available. What do you make of what she was saying about the other guy? I don't know if its a kind of shit-test, a gut check, or just plain honesty. A jealousy ploy? Trying to DHV? I have a (female friend) who is poly, and girls give terrible advice but she said that I should talk to her about some of these concerns. I'm considering right now just backing off completely in self-preservation.

Keep treating her like a one-itis. I think you know what to do, but you've forgotten your game in this special case.
Keep seeing other girls and keep investing in them too. Realize that she's just another girl who has her downsides too. You may know her better than average from your earlier friendship, but if you would be in a 6 month relationship you'd see she has mood swings and stubornness and all the other stuff you dislike about other girls too. Remind yourself about all the stuff that's regular about her instead of what makes her special.
I wouldn't recommend talking about your concerns with her, she'll remember your AFC love confession and I think then you're down the drain. The other guys don't matter - just like with any other girl they wouldn't matter to you - since you're not exclusive anyway. Ignore it as you would do normally.

I would treat it as a shit test/DHV/jealousy ploy and ignore it. It's realistically the only thing you can do anything about. If she's actually interested in this guy, then nothing you can do can really improve your position aside from pulling back. I'd pull back and see how she reacts, if she doesn't start pulling you in, stay in the background for a while (I'd say months?), and reappear as if nothing happened.

As for bringing other people in to a relationship, it works for some, but it's a dangerous game for most. I've slept around while seeing multiple girls (not seriously), yes. They didn't know about each other, but I also knew that they were sleeping around. It was an arrangement that worked. The reason it worked, is because there were no feelings, and these weren't serious relationships. Once you become mutually involved with a girl you really care about, you might be ok with bringing in other girls, but that will plant jealousy and seeds of revenge in her, and honestly, personally, and most guys, could not stand to see the girl they love fucked by another guy in front of them. It's why I keep my serious relationships strictly exclusive. Oh, and of course... under no circumstances should you let yourself fall in love unless you know the girl already loves you (and you are already in an exclusive relationship... It keeps you safe. Do this by keeping other girls until you know the girl of your focus is devoted to you. Once you focus on her though, don't slip up and become AFC. Unfortunately, the game never really ends, even when you're serious with someone.

Best of luck.
cheers.

Thanks for both of those well thought out posts. Some really good advice in there, and I'd like to update on the situation. I will be following that advice for sure, as I sort of formed that similar plan on my own.

Well, she came to town last night, with a friend of hers. They had their own agenda (going out drinking) so I didn't see much of her til she came to my place around 2:30am. She started talking about her other guy, and told me that "we can mess around, but I want to get serious with him so I don't think we should have sex".

5 Minutes later I was fucking her. I mean, that was the easy part.

But the conclusion I came to, is that my one-itis was simply that - one-itis. It was an infatuation, now satisfied by recent events. Coming to know her, that she was already thinking of a monogamous relationship with the new guy, really red flagged her to me as having any potential. Consider these facts, to refresh:

-In February, she broke up with LTR of 6+ years.
-Met up with me in April, crazy high interest until meeting new guy.
-Meets new guy, after first close considers him as "something more"
-Two weeks after sleeping with new guy, is pursuing relationship.
-Only lists superficial reasons for wanting him (traveler, body, career, tells her she is beautiful)
-Admits that this is the longest she's been single in her life (4 months)

Aside from that, I've been clean and sober for almost a year now, and I just can't take a "party girl" seriously. Much less a serial monogamist. So you're right, I've gotten to see her for what she is, she is just another girl. The one-itis is very much "cured" at this point. I'm just glad I have one less "what if" out in the world. And I got some pretty great sex out of it too.

I'm just going to distance myself and focus on my other (new) girlfriend, and see other women as well. If her new thing is a flop/rebound (almost guaranteed it is), then maybe we'll see what happens down the road. In fact, in between now and then, I'll probably still fuck her on occasion, and wouldn't be surprised if I can get her to cheat on her new "boyfriend". But as far as I'm concerned, she's got a lot of issues to work out. I even told myself after the first close that if she started wanting monogamy with ANYONE in the first 6 months single, that she was undateable in any serious way. I've dated serial monogamists before - you know, in love with the relationship, not the person - and won't do it again. Same goes for rebound relationships.

Yet another girl goes into the "maybe someday" pile. Regardless, I still consider the entire scenario an epic win.