to give you some perspective,

my gf broke up with me about 4 weeks ago now. i went no contact with the exception of one relapse 1 week in. after that i just decided its over and i decided to move on. deleted her from my life.

she sends a message on FB a week ago asking how i am. i ignored it.

she THEN SENDS A TEXT msg yesterday and is like "Hey how are you ? I hope you are doing good" kinda thing.

i ignored. SHE WANTS ME TO RESPOND so she can fucking feel better, or get some sense of satisfaction that she still has some kind of hold over me or that i still care about her or abuot the relationship.

but the truth is i dont, and i KNOW FOR A FACT that i could get her back but i dont want her back.

so the point is, do the right thing so that you have a chance to get her back if thats what you really want

Great post's.

@KDNthesuaveAMOG:

Read the thread and watch the video, some really good advice. Im having a much better time dealing with this at the moment and I feel alot less anxiety about the situation. I have begun to ground myself again.


One post I really liked from the thread:
Update: She un-followed me off instagram (basically the equivalent of facebook but only for pictures. For those who dont know) I think she is having a hard time with it as well because she doesn't want to reminded or see my name at the moment. Really, no reason to un-follow me other than that, considering it didn't end violently.

Thoughts?

She's definitely having a hard time because that's exactly what I was about to do to my ex. However, i realized that there's no point to care all I have to do is just not get on Instagram instead of unfollowing because it still leaves the image that I'm fine and leaves us open to future communication. The fact that she did it shows a little weakness on her part, so just keep doing you and you guys will eventually start talking again down the road. Just worry as little as possible about her and continue your life. She will still go through relapses and emotions like missing you, so in actuality, by you doing NOTHING you are actually working the hardest to get her.

P.S. Im now going on my 4th day of no contact, time is going so slow for me but I end up catching myself in ups and downs of good and bad emotions... however, the fact that im even experiencing any good emotions shows improvement. Also like Tyler said, learn to be state independent so that even in a shitty mood you can be social and get girls (which is what I have been doing lately). find comfort in not knowing whether you'll ever be with her again and realize that you still have life and your still YOU, and that's what matters.

Dude,
I'm on the opposite direction of you, I am ending my 2 years relationship.

BUT

I don't want her anymore. You DO WANT your [ex] girlfriend. SO TAKE HER BACK.

She does NOT need time to think, she want you to be ON her every single second of the day.
You like this girl, persist on her! Say you are sorry, that you have your reasons [dont mention your reasons] but that they aren't important, that she is the one thing that matters to you. And say: "let's star over. Fresh. Like if it was our first date". Don't kiss her, say this in person or phone, and ask her out for the night. Take her someplace that you can be just with each other and be as playful as you can and kiss her just when your activity is over... like a first date.
If you want to keep her, and I think you do, give it a shot. My best wishes

Completely wrong!

One of rare stuff that women say that really mean what she want is : "I need time"
She does need time. Pursue her and you become her safety net, and that means "ex forever". Yes, it is correct that she WANTS you to be on her every second of the day. But she wants because it allows her to go through break up easier, and cuz you feed her ego...

You know the basic rule of human nature: People WANT what they CANT have... And when they want something they put effort to get it...

Chase her - she will run (and women can run really fast )
Be indifferent, and she will start to question herself as well as her decisions...

[quote="KDNthesuaveAMOG"

P.S. Im now going on my 4th day of no contact, time is going so slow for me but I end up catching myself in ups and downs of good and bad emotions...[/quote]

Believe me, soon you will stop counting, and then when you realized that passed month or two, you will be like "whoa!, when that happened"

Just be persistent with that NC, no matter what, no matter how hard sometimesit can be... You are going the right direction so dont lose it... Good luck with it

Thanks bro, btw quick question, on foreign thread lol. I'm going to end up seeing her anyways in about a month because I have to go back to the school she is in. And then again to walk for graduation. How should I act towards her if she hasn't contacted me that whole time and I'm still NCing? Be indifferent yet friendly? I would like to be her friend but not at the expense of a potential renewal of a relationship.

First... you dont want to be her friend

I would not approach her, but if bump directly on her, yes be indifirent friendly. in a short note: smile, say hi, ask her how is she but keep it all very short and polite... dont show any reaction, dont engage deep conversations, and act happy no matter what you feel inside Good thing is that you know that you will see her so you can be prepared for it... No matter what, dont look for her in the hall, and stuff.

Conclusion: Happy,friendly, indifferent - if you pull it right you will feel huge confidence boost and thats key to everything

not quite...
It is somehow different when in a relationship.
I said what I said because the exact same happened to me and my ex girlfriend on our first couple months. And I changed for her, I was there for her. Meant a lot for us and we keep up for 2 years after it. Than I could change her acting the way you want him to act now.

If he plays indiferent with her, his almost gone relationship will sink.
The best scenario, maybe, would be one in which she will miss him, and feel regret after some one night stands.. although, he never called, he didn't seem to miss her, why would she take him back?

I understand the basic rules, but there is always a little more to it. I know you are not wrong, but thinking on a long term, I suggest he plays it differently.

It has been about a month now. No contact what so ever. Her facebook and instagram is not blowing up anymore as it was i get a feeling that she might be thinking this one over. I find that girls are emotional wrecks when they come home at the end of the night, this is the time she is probably thinking about it the most. No distractions etc...

My status: Pulled 2 make-outs last night at bar and 1 of them is coming over tomorrow night (if she doesn't flake that is) Had plans with a hot blonde HB 9 last week that she flaked. I even called her and she said she was excited to come over then at 9:30 pm, FLAKE! I couldn't believe it, some of them are really unpredictable.

Anyway, I will still post updates here.

Cheers.

Awesome man, remember that regardless if you want to get backwith her or not the real priority here is to get yourself to a level that you have never been at before so that means becoming centered again. So don't bother contacting your old fling unless you are at a calm collected state. You seem to be doing well keep it up and learn how to be independent and appreaciate alone time again.

Another thing, it sucks her dogs were a part of the loss of thebreakup as well. However one of them is about to die and we were really close to this one. Is the worth breaking no contact over to say something. It will be devastating for the whole family. Maybe spark something because she will be in a weak emotional state?

Been a little over a month of N/C

Thanks.

Figure out and recognize exactly what was it that lead to the break up and i am talking about a surface/conscious level and also at an unconscious/subtle level. once you know that, find what it is that you want exactly? do you want her back or not?

Now lets do an exercise. I want you to clear your mind and find a tranquil state. Wipe your head space or meditate for 20 minutes if you have to... do not continue until your in that present state of mind. Then, and ONLY after your in a good state of mind, write down on a piece of paper 2 columns one labeled positive and the other negative. time yourself for 30 seconds and write down everything negative first. then once the timer has elapsed, i want you to STOP and I really mean don't add anything extra... all the other stuff doesn't matter. Now clear your mind of all thoughts again and then I want you to repeat the same thing with the positive column. After this exercise you should have a physical representation of how your relationship was and whether it is worth continuing. If there is a significant difference in ratio between the negative and positive then this should aid you on your decision.

Now regardless of what decision you have made you need to act accordingly. You still have to maintain indifference to her and the breakup. You still have to date more. You still have to give priority to yourself. Now the only difference is whether you re-initiate contact and dating. If you choose to pursue her, do so but with a "moved on" frame and set up lunch date or something casual and only for 30 mins to an hour. I meant that last part, only an hour tops! and focus on having a good time and just AVOID rehashing breakups and negative situations. Remember to leave on a high note. So make sure of that, focus on fun. If all goes well then call a week from then with minimum contact in between and go on something much more emotionally evoking like roller coaster or comedy club. I would recommend venue changing 3-4 times with emotionally charged SPAM. This links the positive emotions to you. continue on this dating and having fun frame for a couple of months and eventually you'll be back to "are we together" situation. As a catalyst I would say to try and start a sexual relationship ASAP, just your same old tactics of just giving her a reason to go back to ur place (videos, pictures, etc.). Now if she says no its no biggie. Just escalate as much as you can and then back off like nothing happened.

Now I wrote all that because it seems like you want to get back with her. That's just a general guideline. If you choose not to be with her then just contact her about the dog and what not and then go on with your life. Just remember that if you start talking to her and you have the feelings of desperation then you are NOT ready. Wait another month of NC and repeat.

Credit to Steve P. and T.W. Jackson for the exercises and magic of making up method.

This is going to be a must read. So read carefully.

I haven't logged on for a while due to being busy. Trying to pull girls, working/school and what not. However I have some major things that have happened in between that time frame.

So I will begin:

I went no contact for 2 months, however, she had some sentimental items of mine and i was initially going to wait out the no contact to get them back but I felt like she was never going to contact me again, so I did. I sent her a message saying something like "Hey, (gf's nickname) I hope all is well with you and your family! But i remembered you have my (sentimental items) and I wanted to come grab them. When are you free, I will come grab them and we will go for lunch and walk the dogs." She responded with "Hey I hope all is well with you too and yea im free on the weekend come over and get me, we will go for lunch and walk the dogs"

Ok so, I picked her up that weekend which was about 3 weeks ago. We walked the dogs went for sushi and it was really good and there was definitely a good/missed eachother vibe (lots of kino). I dropped her off and went for a k-close becuase my confidence about how it went was through the roof. I went in, we madeout for a split second and then she says " this is wrong were not together" then we stopped. However it still ended on a good note.

The next week, I called her and said hey when are you free this week lets hangout. She said a day and she came over and we had a couple glasses of wine and watched a movie. There was obviously lots of kino since we watched the movie in MY BED over a bottle of wine. When it came time to take her home, we started to hook up. I took off her pants and we started to have sex for like 5 minutes until she forced herself to stop. again saying "were not together this is wrong" and i didnt stop until she actually got angry at me. Anyway that night still ended good after all that and I took her home.

Literally the next day, I said come over and talk for a bit and we will make some food and sit out in the sun. She came over and we made food and eventually started to hookup Again we had sex for a good half hour and it was unreal. Afterwards shes says " I can't believe I just did that, it was a mistake". Even though it was amazing.

This past weekend me and all my friends went away for the long weekend and she was also going to this same place. When we got there me and her met up and had sex again (There was alcohol involved). We got back from the place yesterday and went for food and talk about everything. "She said " I thought about things alot last night and if you can't just be friends for right now we will never be anything again. Were acting like were together and I don't to be in a relationship right now even though I do love you and I would be there for you for anything.

We have plans to hangout this weekend again on Fri or Sat though.



I want to be together and shes saying that and we have had sex. I have been with 4 girls since me and her broke up but im still not over this shit.

I NEED OPINIONS on how to clinch this situation asap.

Just leave it man, you've already made some progress... She's emotionally unstable and will make you miserable.

However, something tells me you're not gonna let this one go so here's my 2 cents how to prolong this rollercoaster ride:
Agree to everything she tells you. She says you should just be friends, you say: "You're right it's the best for both of us". Then, at the next chance you get, you escalate again. If she ever puts on LMR, try to break it or just agree with her.
Also, keep on suggesting days to hang out, just as "friends" of course. Keep on being sexual. Keep on f%cking her hard. Whatever you do, DON'T EVER tell her you want to be with her and never get emotional. Just play along and enjoy the ride... Try to be as aloof as possible and try not to take ANYTHING she says seriously.

And please, for your own sake, continue seeing other girls so you at least give yourself the chance to emotionally detach from her.

This is wrong man, but it's your choice.