| Ok this is how I think people should approach limiting fears in general, I've done a lot of research on it because it interests me but I'm still testing in out so take it with a pinch of salt. As I said this is general, not aimed at the guys problems above in particular.
The 100% best method: Just go do what you are afraid of. Simples. Unfortunately though sometimes we just can't force ourselves to do this so below is the next best thing:
Step 1: Consciously acknowledge your particular fear. Admit that you are guilty of that fear but do not be ashamed of it. Realise that you are just human and for god's sake love yourself!
The biggest problem with most men in solving these issues is that we don't want to admit having them. We are desperate to not be seen as vulnerable. We especially do not want to be seen as weak. The ego is always protecting itself. Rene Brown has a TED speech where she talks about vulnerability and how it is one of the most important factors in being a happy person. We have to be willing to accept vulnerability if we want to truly connect with others or to ourselves grow. What is forever tied to vulnerability, and what is it's greatest enemy, is shame. Shame is the feeling that you are not good enough, not worthy, that there is something wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you at all. There might be something wrong with the information you have on a fear, the life experiences with that fear, your perception of that fear, the way you've acted in the face of that fear, but there's nothing wrong with you as person, you're just human, we all have different irrational problems and fears. You can feel guilty about having this problem but you shouldn't feel shame. Now this sounds like airy fairy bullshit but I think it is an important starting point. With guilt you can stick your hand up, apologise to yourself, yeah man I've fucked up, and go about determinedly making it right. With shame people try to bury their heads in the ground and hide from the problem.
Logically deconstruct that fear
Is there a logical reason for me to be afraid of that? Why am I afraid. When is it right or wrong to do take this action. Really think about it in depth and keep going deeper and deeper in to the problem, why?why?why? until on a logical conscious level there is not doubt in your mind. I personally could write a whole page on the inner game of kissing girls for example. Logically there's no doubt in my head, I know when it's right and when it's wrong.
Become informed in how to deal with the situation where you experience that fear
Go out and fill your brain with expert information on that situation. Afraid of going for the kiss with girls? Watch PUA videos on kiss closing. Afraid of handling snakes? Read about how to handle a snake safely, watch videos of the pro's doing it. The point is to take away from your mind the excuse "Dude I don't know what to do". There's no excuses now, the only barrier is consciously pushing through your fear.
Gain secondary reference experience that validates your new information or beliefs
E.g If your limiting belief is that girls won't date bald guys, walk through town and look for examples of bald guys with chicks. Look for it in films, your friends, adverts, anywhere. If you see anything going against that new belief you know that example is arbitrary (e.g bald guy gets rejected, it because his approach was shit, not because he's bald) and you don't even register it. Anything going against your new beliefs does not even register in your reality
Gain first hand reference experience
The hard bit. Put yourself in a situation where you experience that fear or limiting belief and consciously step though it. Every time you do that and find yourself alive on the other side of it, you grow immeasurably as a person. Every time you cower to that fear, the fear grows and strengthens. There's two options with this point, jumping in the deep end of fear or dipping your toe in and progressively getting used to the cold water. Jumping in the deep end is more powerful but harder to do and if you avoid it or it goes wrong you can reinforce the fear. Progressive is slower but there's less chance of you avoiding or messing up and strengthening the fear. E.g deep end for a guy scared of kissing would be to run up to a girl in the street and try to kiss her withing 10 seconds. Progressive would be to say that I'm going to try and kiss close every girl I spend more than 20 minutes talking to at some point in the interaction, then gradually moving the time limit down and down. You can also try and do a mix of the two. For kiss closing I'd say try and kiss every single girl you hook or get submissive body language from. You'll blow some sets but be surprised at how much you can actually get away with and after some have gone well, some have bad, you'll be fairly well calibrated and confident. I'd also say that if you do bottle taking on a fear in any situation, don't let yourself feel comfortable about it otherwise your brain will associate comfort with avoidance. Nip yourself hard, or have your friend punch you or something every time you bottle.
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CHAT
