| Hello community,
I have the following problem, and I know it may sound ridiculous, but anyway, I'm ready to any sort of input if you guys could help. I am a 22 year old student: I'm pursuing two different degrees at the time, I have always been very talented academically (that's what everyone has told me my whole life) and I'm some sort of workaholic. Two years ago, I broke up with my first and only girlfriend (not that I haven't dated any other girls, just that this was the only one that I could call a girlfriend): she dumped me, came back to her ex-boyfriend, then started to date another guy (from my soon-to-become professional environment) and now they are going abroad to study. Fantastic. When I knew she came back with her previous guy, I just cut off everything with her, leaving us both with guilt and pain (she tries to re appear from time to time and I just cut her off over and over). Is not a matter of dignity, I really crumbled and it left me devastated. So my confidence sinked, and I just isolated myself from women after some pathetic experiences of pointless sex, which left me worse than before. Half a year ago, this new girl comes out of nowhere: I was a teaching assistant in one of her classes, she proved right away to be exceptionally intelligent (which attracted me very much), and she added me on FB for no reason. Then she wrote to me an e-mail, saying that she had some problems and had to get out of college for the term, but she had to keep that class only. Anyway, we got in touch and I found out that we had many stuff in common, leaving out the fact that she is a ridiculously hot model. But, as I found out, when a story is to good to be true, it ain't. She has a boyfriend. Fuck it, I decided not to get in the middle of that and just pretend that something else could be done, like creating some sort of tension and attraction while seeing how far I could take it without making any move (I had been the lover before, and that's the reason why I ended heartbroken in the first place, so I didn't want to repeat the experience). So this girl calls me on the day of my birthday, and we meet for the first time in a month or so: I had heard that she had broken up with the guy, but the source was not reliable. I invite her to my birthday party, thinking that she probably wouldn't go in the first place; after all, nobody of my friends knew her, and she would be there on her own. She got to the party, to my surprise, with some presents, and lots of IOI: a former friend saw her and started to flirt with her straight away, but he was cut off by some friends and later told that she was my crush. She ended up sleeping with me that night (no sex) and cuddling the whole morning: she still was with her boyfriend, which was disappointing, but I felt/knew that there was something going one between us anyway. The fact is that the player who was talking to her got her number and has been dating her, and when I found out I was so disappointed that I cut off everything with her (very childish, I know) in a very rude way, which led her to say really shitty stuff to me. This happened very recently so it is still going on. I just felt that this scenario was something impossible and I don't know how to handle it: I never stopped being depressed about my former girlfriend, and now I am about another girl, and I'm just realizing this whole shit of feeding fictions (be it women, study, profession) is just pointless shit. So yea, it has to do with a crisis. I'd appreciate any advice, just try to be honest but respectful, I know that more than one will see it as something pathetic, just understand that I don't need to be insulted.
Thanks
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CHAT