Even if you're still missing her, that will pass. Don't dwell on the past. You're now beyond your relationship with her. That relationship did not and most certainly does not encompass you. We are never our relationships. I think there are a number of good lessons to be learned from this experience; a number of things to keep in mind for future relationships.

I recently went through a short-term relationship with many of the same effects as yours: in it, I felt insecure (and for good reason). Noticing this, however, I ended it -- fast. That girl had begun treating me poorly, and I let her know that I wasn't going to stick around and tell myself that I deserved to be treated that way. We accept that kind of SPAM because we are afraid of the uncertain, and because in a moment of weakness we doubt our ability to find happiness beyond those who treat us that way. But while every person is unique, happiness can be found with many people. Something that I noticed from reading your posts is that you kept saying things in the spirit of, "I don't want to lose her," and "This girl is special to me." I have learned that it is precisely when we become unwilling to lose someone that we lose them. That does not mean that we shouldn't let people become "special" to us. It means, simply, that the possibility of loss is unavoidable. What you must do is accept the possibility of loss, and not fight against it. That acceptance, in my experience, also encourages us to focus on the time we actually spend with someone else (rather than on time spent, or time to-be-spent).

Likewise, your insecurity came out of a desire to control what is unavoidably beyond your control. The fact that you checked your ex-girlfriend's phone says to me that you want to control who hits on her, how she reacts to other guys, and how she feels about you. One of the best lessons my mother ever taught me is, "You can't change anyone but yourself." Dating an attractive girl means dating a girl who gets hit on by men every day, sometimes attractive men; dating any human means dating a human who notices attractive others and sometimes feels attracted to them, regardless of their relationship status. You can do nothing about these facts but accept them. Only after you have accepted this can you put all the energy previously spent on feeling insecure into bettering yourself as a man. That doesn't mean you won't feel insecure anymore -- it means that you will learn how to respond to feelings of insecurity with the understanding that you are an attractive man (in all the senses). Feeling insecure and nurturing that insecurity by checking her phone, etc., lowers the amount of respect you have for yourself as well as your value as a man. Responding with self-trust emboldens you. Remember, too, that being an attractive man means knowing when to give and when to hold back; it means straddling the line between being part of her life and letting her live her life; it means letting her know that you are a rare catch and always making her remember that fact.

Finally, think very hard about what you feel you deserve. You stayed in a relationship in which you were saying, "I'm not happy," after three months. It seems desperate. Your problems and hesitation are more understandable after two plus years. If you are not happy after a few months, and keep going back-and-forth, it is highly likely that there is something better out there from which you are holding yourself back. You are worth more than that, my friend. You simply have to have the courage to accept uncertainty and get out.

Regardless, the worst thing you can do now is not learn anything and make the same mistakes again.

My friend, that was an excellent post which helped bring me to reality. You are precise and I greatly appreciate those words. It is definitely something I intend to work on. This is the first time I've ever acted in such a way. It was not only her beauty but the qualities she held as well. As you mentioned, im sure this is also why she would receive many messages or would get hit on. It was unavoidable and I should have understood that from the beginning. You live, you learn and I intend to do both after this relationship.

Thank you very much.