Hi guys,

Basically I'm stuck in a rut, I consistently get one night stands with girls who are above average in looks, but I'm struggling to make progress with dating or relationships... Any advice?

Are you bad in bed? jokes...probably need more info, I use to only have one night stands or FB for a few weeks at a time, I use to get bored easily or I never expected anything to go further than a physical thing right from the start and then it just kind of happened with a friend I loosely knew after she came on a night out with us.

Have you got anymore information other than you just only ever have one night stands? Are you really attracted to the girls? Do you get on with them or you just fake it to get them in bed? Where are you meeting the girls? etc Then we might be able to give some real advice.

That's a good point, its not a questions of attraction for me, I'm really into them. If I'm honest I'd say that I am not myself when I first meet them, I'm quite high energy, invade there space, and challenge them a lot but in terms of real conversation I don't build much rapport, if I do its not genuine. So I don't know what do you think?

Would need more info but I imagine you probably get too emotionally involved too soon. What do you say the morning after?

Are you saying stuff like:

"So, what are we? I just want to know where I stand."

"So, are we going out now?"

"When am I going to see you again??"

Are you texting/calling her a lot? Have you stated you are looking for a girlfriend?

If so, play it much cooler. If she suggests a relationship then fine, but I think you are probably being too needy after the sex. I sincerely hope it's not because you're a crap shag. Say something like"hey I really enjoyed last night. You've got my number. Call me when you want to see my darker side... "

Be prepared to lose the girl to get the girl.

continue sleeping with the girls and continue seeing them

Give a fairly detailed example of what happened with the last girl you liked, slept with, and then nothing went any further. Include things like how you met, random or you knew them from class or something? How the night went down when you hooked up, what it was like afterwards, what did you talk about/say and how did you guys interact the following days/week.

Ok so here is my theory on this I have had the same problem before but I found a way around it. First thing first you have to understand this one thing: One night stands do not equal a relationship, nor do they become one. (Except, of course, for exceptional circumstances.)

You're looking at that and thinking I'm full of shit, that's understandable as the logic seems to be on your side. Sex is an escalation, therefore a relationship is the obvious next step and is the only escalation that remains. But in actual fact a one night stands are dead ends. 9 times out of 10 they will be a dead end or at most it will develop into fuck buddies for a little while. Here's why:

1. The slut reflex: Girls don't want to be sluts, they resent the fuck out of anyone thinking of them that way. You remind them that they are a slut and they do in fact enjoy sex so they want to get you out of sight so they can forget about it.

2. Awkwardness: This is pretty obvious. This person doesn't even know you but they've shared some very intimate moments with you and have seen your "oh" face. They aren't going to suddenly talk to you like an old friend because you aren't one. They also can't talk like a stranger because more is expected, when faced with this dilemma people just prefer not to talk to you at all.

3. Physical v Emotional bond: I probably should have mentioned this in the other two but whatever. For a relationship an emotional bond is required. It's not for a one night stand. Just the other day I pulled a girl and as we were walking home it suddenly struck me that I couldn't remember her name, I had to desperately listen to every word she said so I could pick it up (I did). But that was only a pride thing, I didn't even use it after. A one night stand may seem like a relationship but its not, it's essentially just masturbation using a woman.

4. Player image: I don't need to explain this, the player image is bad. Pulling a one night stand automatically gives you one. This means you are not boyfriend material. My number one rule is to keep my exploits on the down low.

5. 1 night standers aren't worth it: This maybe my opinion but I would never go out with a girl I had a one night stand with. I like the innocent good girl types but these sluts I drag home are just not it. If you want love, look elsewhere.


At this point I hope you agree with me; that one night stands are in no way related to relationships. So what can you do? Well unfortunately that is the difficult part. But I'll give you as many tips as I can.

Firstly you need to get your day game up to scratch, you will not find a girlfriend in the club. You have to meet her during the day in a more relaxed way. The reasons for this are obvious, in a less sexualized environment she will be more likely to take notice of your personality and so the emotional connection will be made. Obviously if you appear in her everyday life then she may want to keep you that way. However, don't totally ignore the club, bring her there but make sure she knows she's with you.

Second you need to go slower with sex. Bringing her home within days of meeting her will pretty much equal a one night stand. Also try not to have your first time while drunk. A little thing I worked on was the stealth kiss. You bring her to the club, flirt a little and when the time is right go for a very small discreet kiss. Then end it quickly and without saying much part ways. (if you want me to say more about this just ask).This will gently escalate things which makes it easier to evolve into a relationship. Relationship is a long term thing. I assume you are looking for something that lasts months so you can't develop it within minutes. It takes time.

Now I can see one problem that exists, if you remove the club then where will you meet girls? The answer is through hard work. The only absolutely certain way to get girls is through osmosis. You basically need to be around them the so much that you start soaking them up through your skin. Make friends with some girls, make friends with their friends and just keep on going. They will invite you to things with even MORE girls and if you make quality friends then they will actively try to hook you up. My best friend is also my wing girl, in fact out of all the action I got this year about 70 percent of that was through female friends, the remainder was through male friends and there was only one girl (that I only kissed) that I knew all by myself.

Phew that was long, I hope I help!

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Now, bring me that horizon!

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the comments, specially the last chap, very detailed response, and very true. As he mentioned, getting a girl into bed is easy but if you rush it, probably will be the first and last time that will happen with her for all the reasons mentioned. I will give day game a go!