Hi! I'm new to this forum but have been studiying PUA-material for a while. I need help of some sort to overcome a huge threshold in my PUA-development.

I'm an OK looking guy who can give a pretty good first impression. I can easily open sets and as long as I stick to my material things go pretty smooth in the beginning. But it seems that all attraction I create is soon blown away. There are tons of examples where I meet a girl and we are having a great time, but soon after the "initial contact" is over she is not interested any more.

(Example 1) Spoke briefly to a girl in a bar and asked her out for a date. We had a first date and afterwards she said "this was really fun, I want to meet again!". After our second date, I asked her to go home with me for a movie. We went home, watched the movie, made out. After the movie she said she wanted to go home, and I proposed she stayed for the night, but she rejected that idea. From there on she barely answered my texts, and later she told me the personal chemistry wasn't there.

(Example 2) While travelling, I met a girl on the airport who was heading to the same destination as me. We spent some time together and everything felt allright. When we arrived she already had a hotel room booked and she proposed that we shared the room for the following few days. However, the hotel didn't allow that so I got my own room. We spent the next day together and on the evening I asked her to join me in my hotel room to watch a movie. She came over, we watched the movie, and when I tried to kiss her after a short while she rejected me because she didn't feel "it".

What happened here in these two examples is a mystery.

So basically, why do girl's interests in me just drop after a while? I have heard from friends that I am sometimes stiff in social situations. Normally I am not the most social guy, I rather listen than talk and once in a while strugge to keep the conversation flowing. Could it be that when approaching, I show the side of me that's very competitive and have the "I'm gonna pick this girl up!"-mentality, and when that moment is over they realize I'm not that special after all? This is driving me crazy. All help is highly appreciated! Thanks!

Welcome to the forum. You need to post this in Sticking Points, not the Lounge. Mods, please move this to the correct forum.

It sounds like you've focused too much on approaching, opening and routines. Opening doesn't mean jack, remember? Sounds like you clearly have a problem with eye contact and physical escalation. You're probably not building up enough comfort before suddenly escalating, thus catching the girl offguard. You also give up too easily. The first rejection is usually a test.

So you need to work on:

1) Holding long seductive eye contact

2) Touching women straight away and more often

3) Escalate aggressively and make your touch more sexual

4) Be persistent and don't give up after the first rejection.

It's not that you're doing something wrong.

Your skills and game isn't the problem.

With the 2nd scenario where the girl was at your place, you didn't lay her.

Since you didn't have sex with the girl, she then lost interest in you because she gave you a chance and you didn't take advantage of it.

So there's nothing really you need to change. Just act faster whenever you have a girl at your place.

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When a girl says that the "chemistry" isn't right, that's just her way of telling you that you didn't game her properly and she's not going to tell you specifically what you did wrong.

What I get from you is that you are probably an average guy who can get a girls attention, but you don't have a super exciting lifestyle, you aren't extremely attractive, and you don't have a high energy personality. That's okay, many guys are like that. But I think that you unintentionally telegraph the fact that you are eager to hook up with them and and show too much interest without balancing that with sufficient gaming techniques, like DHV, kino, push/pull etc.

In each of your scenarios it was obvious to the girl what you wanted to do next. There was no mystery there. No excitement. Just another ordinary guy looking to get his dick wet. I bet if you had done something to pique the girls interest, or get her adrenaline pumping, then she would've found that your "chemistry" was more in line with hers.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

I agree with Hunter_Foxe, not the other two.

It's great that you can open, fine. However, you give away two big killers in your post.

You listen rather than talk and you struggle to keep the conversation going. How to solve?

First, don't watch movies with girls. That's lame and you aren't going to engage them that way. Second, you have to get her mind into a sexual frame if you want to lay her. Unless you are extremely attractive then you have to get the girl's motor running. This is a combination of being physical and how you speak to her.

You should immediately be touchy. Put your hand firmly on her forearm, touch her leg, get close to her. Escalate your touch as quickly as she'll let you. If you put your arm on hers and she is comfortable, then continue with more touch, if you do it and you can tell she stiffens up a bit, then focus on what you say. The other night when I was out, by the time I left a bar with a girl, every time I tried to take my hands off of her, she put them back on.

For the talking part, make the conversation fun and sexual. Ask her questions and then make fun of her answers, when she asks you questions play with your responses. You want to bring her into your universe and show her how much fun she'll have there.

Bad example:
You: What do you do?
Her: I'm a flight attendant.
You: Do you like that?
Her: Sometimes, blah, blah, blah. [You listen and nod as she drones on. You're both bored. No sex]

Alternative Example:
You: What do you do?
Her: I'm a flight attendant.
You: Oh, so you help direct the planes where to land?
Her: No, you know, a stewardess?
You: A stewardess of what?
Her: I help people find their seats when they get on the plane
You: How do people lose their seats on a plane? Those seats are really big. Why are you being so evasive? What do you really do? Are you a stripper?

A lot of valutable feedback that I will definitely remember. Start kino earlyer and escalate more aggressively. Hunter_Foxe's and smushed's comments seem especially helpful.
I agree somewhat to the middle part. But when a girl says the chemistry isn't right, it doesn't mean I did bad gaming from the start, it could also be that I did fine gaming until a point where the chemistry wasn't there (different preferences in making out, acting stiff, misreading signals etc.).

And if I wanted to sleep with someone, it's hard to not make it obvious. As long as the idea involves visiting my house I think she has a pretty good idea of what's going on.
I must insist I did something wrong, and if I would listen to your advice to not change anything I'm afraid my game wouldn't continue to develop. A girl's interest does not drop to zero just by chance. But I fully agree on the part that she got uniterested because I didn't make use of the opportunity.

You're frame is wrong. Girls are delightfully good at filtering out details that are obvious. The whole reason that the Friend Zone exists is because girls ignore the obvious. Bringing a girl back to your hotel room or your house does not mean anything. Yes, girls are aware that guys want to sleep with them and that the sky is blue.

When the chemistry comment is made it's true it probably wasn't bad from the start. Good opening and then it went down from there.

Think about your own interactions. For example, I am texting with this girl and she keeps wanting to talk about her ex. I reply: That's nice. Snore... she says something else about it. I respond: That's nice, congratulations. Then I won't talk to her again unless she stops boring me. My interest in her just went through the floor. It was funny before, but now I am not really interested in hearing from her.

It was literally three texts from her that killed any chemistry that was building.

I share that just to show that chemistry can move very quickly out the door. My impression is that you just think that sex is going to happen by virtue of a female and male being in the same room together. I think you need to better understand how a woman's mind works and how to create chemistry.

The common denominator here is that after the kiss or make out she didn't feel the chemistry. Testosterone from the man gets transferred via kissing through the saliva. Testosterone makes women horny so you can properly f-close.

Build up your testosterone naturally through exercise, healthy diet, adequate sleep and a good lifestyle. Try to get involved in some team sport.

You might also want to eat at least once a week sauteed oysters in lots of garlic, onions, and cauliflower/broccoli/cabbage-- good if you can have all of these vegetables in the recipe.

Btw, stop listening to romantic songs and watching romantic movies. Watch some Blackhawk Down and Gladiator. Listen to Eminem or Flo Ri Da.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

What you say in the first part surprises me, a lot of people who do pick up wouldn't hesitate a second to claim that everybody knows movie night equals getting laid.

I suppose I have to study the forum a bit and find out how to create better chemistry!

And what Hellhound said about the testosterone was really interesting, however there's not much you can do if you're already eating well and doing tough exercise (except drinking less alcohol!)