Day 0: "A problem shared is a problem halved"



First of all I'd like to say hello to everyone, I've been visiting this site for quite some time now and finally I decided to act on the reasons that brought me here in the first place by participating in this community. I have eventually come to terms with the fact that I am not happy with who I am at the moment, and for as long as I can remember I have never been. The only way to align myself with who I want to be, is to start today and never look back.



About Me
I've had three girlfriends so far in my life, two of which I've had sex with. I'm 28 and haven't had a girlfriend in 4 years now. Recently I moved back to the place I was born in after living overseas for 20 years, and have just completed my Master's degree. Overall I'd say I belong in the "nice guy" category. Always polite, rarely saying anything mean about anyone, not even as a friendly joke. Sometimes I can be very social when I'm around people, other times I can hide in my own shell and wait till its time to leave. I guess it depends on the people that are around me and if I'm in the mood. I had a major breakdown 5 years ago which has totally changed my life around in a positive way. I've suffered from depression over these past few years, took some medication in the beginning but have been off it for a little over a year now. It still comes and goes occasionally but I'm feeling stronger as time goes on.

I am an AFC and I suck at meeting girls.



Recent Girl Events
Once my studies were over, I decided it was time to get out there and meet people, hoping that soon I would have a girlfriend. This was my primary goal, as my entire focus during the past years was on education and hardly any on socializing. A friend of mine had mentioned something about a book that some Austrian-sounding guy had written about true stories of picking up women. It sounded like interesting bullshit. I made a mental note to look into it once I got back home. I didn't.

So I ended up meeting a few girls these last 5 months without anything actually happening, but there is one case I think about a bit lately that makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

Her name was T. After a long day out with friends and family, and towards the end of the night, I ended up having a few drinks at a club with some buddies. We were all keen on hooking up with some girls, so we began to talk with people and have some fun for a few hours. As we were leaving the club, I spot my friends chatting with a couple of really hot girls in their early 20s, one of which was T, and head over for reasons obvious to us all. After a little bit of conversation, I ended up being alone with both of them. I'm feeling quite proud about myself at this time, as I'm leading the conversation, being playful, and getting to know a little bit more about these interesting strangers, both of which I liked. I left them at the club an hour later and headed home, but not before the girl I was mostly interested in gave me her number without me asking for it. Her name was G.

I call her up a few days later so I can see her again, but she does not pick up. Instead, she replies with a playful text message that also included the words "my friend T said she likes you". (My brain: DAFUQ?) After a few more texts, I find out that G has a boyfriend, but she really wants me to hook up with her friend. So I get T's number, call her up (I hate texting when it comes to girls), ask her to join me the next day for a drink after work, and get a date with her like a boss. She never showed up or returned my call.



What Came Next
After I got blown off by T, I felt really crappy. I tried to be more optimistic and kept on getting out there, but instead I only ended up to where I am today: sad, pissed-off, alone, clueless, but motivated.

Yesterday I read the final words of an amazing book I had stumbled upon while being in this uncomfortable state. Once I was a few pages in, I realized it was the one my friend had mentioned. After reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss, all of my past experiences with women were put under a microscope, and for the first time in my life, my eyes were open. I could now identify all the missed opportunities and the actions I should have done with girls in the past. And surprisingly, I had also discovered a set of codewords and phrases that people around the world use to analyze these circumstances.

The hot dancer girl (22yo HB8) that was in my class when I started learning how to dance salsa a few years ago. I was negging her and being playful all the time, I had called her up casually one day to meet me for drinks with my friends, told her a bunch of DHV stories, played it alpha when she mentioned about her current boyfriend who was a dumbass, did KINO, got another date, she gave me a bunch of IOIs, we connected, she gave me an opportunity to kiss her. I didn't. The cute ballet instructor (27yo HB8) that I had met through my best friend, did KINO, more DHV stories, went out with her, she took me to a "romantic spot", talked about our lives and our dreams, more IOIs. Nothing happened. And now with T (21yo HB9), who I negged and ignored, won her friend over, used C&F, more DHV, more KINO, a shit-ton of IOIs (I actually remember her yelling "where do you live?" while I was walking away), and even with the straightforward knowledge "she likes you", I still managed to fuck things up. I have the impression its because I told her to meet up with me alone, whereas I should have paid attention to her saying "do you want my friend to join us?" as an indication of her wanting to be comfortable and agreed. These three memories are the ones that stand out the most, but I'm pretty sure there were other girls too had I been more aware of whats actually going on.

What I've realized now is that all of the steps, routines, words, actions and qualities I read in "The Game" were features I had in me. The problem is though, that I was never aware of it, and the end result was me interacting with women on a fucked-up level.



The Goals
I've set my long-term goals to the following list:

- Go out often during the week
- Find more friends to hang around with
- Keeping in touch with people that I want in my life
- Always have a social event to look forward to
- Have fun and be more playful with others while maintaining my good nature
- Stand up for what I believe in and express myself a little more
- Stop being pessimistic about crap
- Read more books
- Quit smoking like a motherfucker
- Find a girlfriend
- Become happy (from my favorite John Lennon quote)

For some reason it feels kinda good just writing about all of this stuff.

Day 1: My first social experiment



Today's Plan
After completing "The Game" by Neil Strauss, I've been reading a lot of openers, watching pick-up videos on YouTube, completing online challenges, strategizing about certain types of interactions and how they might unfold, what to say, how to approach, number-closing, improving my wardrobe, standing out and standing up, smiling, and most importantly focusing on being the best me I can be. Last night I was mentally tired and felt like total shit. I went to sleep thinking the next day is a new day and maybe I will wake up having some sense of direction. And for today I do.

My plan is to leave the house in a couple of hours and walk from the city to the shore, but heres the thing: my house is 15km away from the beach. Not only that, I will start chatting to a bunch of locals along the way until I get there. I will have a writing pad with me and ask them to write down their names, maybe get some photos too. Also, I will ask the first person I meet "what is this country all about?" or something that will make me understand my new environment. An idea that I'm quite proud of is to create a question-chain, where one person will give me a question that the next person I start chatting to will answer. Maybe I can do some handwriting analysis (like I read in Neil Strauss' book) to try to figure out their personality and start a conversation. I will dress up to stand out (thinking about a weird hat of some sorts), and take my iPod and headset with me listening to music that will keep me in the mood (thinking about Red Hot Chilli Peppers at the moment) and maybe become a conversation-starter if I have it on full blast. All in all, I want to have a fun time by myself today and show the world a piece of who I am. It's a 3 hour walk, but since I will be stopping every now and again, I'm estimating I will have reached my daily destination in 6 hours, both literally and metaphorically speaking.

I will do this today. I can. I've spent the last 3 fucking hours thinking about it. I don't want those hours to go to waste. And I want to change.



Objectives
- Get the fuck out off the house
- Minimize AA and just start talking to people
- Stay calm while interacting
- Smile and maintain eye contact
- Reach my destination
- Eat a burger



In Field
Although I wore my usual clothes, I kinda experimented a little by adding in a few accessories thinking that people would be more relaxed talking to someone that looks like a modern hippie. I get my notepad in hand and head out. It took me around 10 minutes to actually talk to someone as AA kicked in, but at some point I just said to myself "fuck it" and did it anyway.

1) The first person today was a cute sports girl (HB8, 22yo) that was waiting at the lights to continue her jogging. I approached her from an angle that would put myself slightly in her view. Since she was listening to music, I did a gesture and she removed her earphones with a smile. The first sentence that came out of my mouth was the question I had written in the notepad, and as I did I showed it to her. She laughed a little and took a few seconds to write down her answer. I also told her to come up with another question I would ask someone down the street and write her name as well. She did just before the pedestrian lights went green. The interaction was surprisingly fun, especially being the first of the day.

2) A few minutes later I walk up to a couple eating ice-creams and ask them the new question. These people took fucking forever to answer, yet I was calm and playful as the guy was a bit of a jerk.

3) I spot a girl sitting by herself at a cafe and approach from behind (nooooooooo). Once I got there, I kneeled down to make things comfortable, but I started off by asking her if she has a few minutes to spare, which was dumb cause now I sounded like I wanted to sell her supermarket coupons. Obviously she told me "sorry" but was somewhat polite about it.

4) A bit further down the road, I asked a man and he was quite helpful. Started a small conversation, shook hands and he even said "thank you", LOL!

5) Up until this point, I hadn't taken off my sunglasses which made me realize I wasn't making eye contact with anyone. So I take them off and walk up to a tall blonde girl (HB7, 25yo, blue eyes) who seemed like she was from Sweden or Germany. It was tough at start to keep eye contact, but eventually I got used to it. She was taking a long time to answer the question, so I asked her to write down whatever came to mind. I also shook my arms as if I were in a hurry, mistakenly thinking that it would help but it didn't, and it made me look a little impatient. She was happy and polite.

6) I approach a brunette (HB8, 22yo, sunglasses) waiting at the bus stop. She begins to answer but before getting anything written down, her bus arrives and she kindly apologizes. It was a fun chat that only lasted a few seconds, so I gave her a little bit of negging, I hope what I said wasn't dumb.

7) I stop to take a rest and see an Asian girl walking by (HB8, 20yo, brown eyes). While maintaining my position, I ask her the question and she has no idea what to do. Her English wasn't really good, but she was still smiling as was I. She was really stressed out because she couldn't think of what to write, so I gave her some funny examples and tried to relax her with some KINO. She left with a smile and so did I.

I had approached 7 sets in an hour before realizing that the idea to wear flip-flops for a social walkathon was the stupidest idea ever. My feet were blistering badly, so I decided to get my burger and bus it home.

Good job man keep it up!! More experience = Better results